My Mom is in a dementia home. Should pictures of my brother who committed suicide 10 yrs ago be put in the room?

sunnygirl1 You are right, it is hard to tell. She doesn't seem to be able to tell the difference between yesterday and 50 years ago. She can't remember who came to visit her. She asks about my father, and he passed 2 months ago. She thinks her mother is still alive. I just try to comfort her and assure her she is ok. I don't tell her people have died or remind her of the ones who have. I just think it would upset her and there is no need for it. I am just trying to protect her, I guess. It is hard to know.

Yes, chicago1954, I do need to set boundaries. It's hard dealing with her.

freqflyer I hadn't thought about it like that. Yes, maybe a picture of him as a child. Thanks:)

Even though the suicide happened ten years ago, it's difficult to say where her memory is stuck.

My cousin has very little memory, but she does recall things from the 1980's and early 90's. The death of her parents, many years ago, is fresh on her mind and she often will tear up speaking of their deaths. It's still fresh on her mind, so I try not to dwell on it.

At Christmas, she told me that her best gift was the wheelchair her father gave her. I asked her when he gave her the wheelchair and she said about a year ago. Okay. She only went into the wheelchair in September of 2014 and her dad died in 1992. I didn't correct her, but told her I was glad she loved the wheelchair.

Wintersun, It all depends on how your Mother is going to react to that photo.

We have to remember that death is only one day out of a whole person's life. There has to be some good memories of when he was a child, teenager, young adult... why not photo of him when he was younger?

I was dealing with that with my sig other who the first few years of being with him all I knew about his parents, his aunts and uncles is the day of their passing and a day or two leading up to it. I thought to myself, how sad that his parents, aunts and uncles had spent 70 or 80 years on this earth and all he could talk about was the last 48 hours of their life.... [sigh]

You are going to have to set boundaries and tell the niece, "no."

gladimhere I'm sorry, it must have been so hard to make it through that. Ok, I see, your mom reacted pretty much the same way I think my mom would. I haven't told her the story, and I never will. She asks how he is, I tell her he is fine. I just don't want his picture to trigger any nightmarish memories in her. Because, I never know how she will react or when or if she will remember. I think it's best to just not have his pictures in the room.

My father committed suicide in 1968 following a very ugly divorce. A couple of years ago my Mom would ask who is by using his name. Now she does not remember him at all. But when she did, and foolish me used to tell her what happened, she would become upset and say things along the line of what a terrible wife she must have been. Mom married a high school sweetheart eight years ago and as far as she is concerned now, they have been together for many years and he must be my father. I would never put a picture of my Dad in the house. Mom would not remember him and if the story of what happened came up, then she would get upset. So, if your Mom remembers your brother at all and what happened, do not put his picture in her room. If she does not remember, and your neice would agree to not talk about what happened (though only you can decide if she would carry through) then think about placing the picture.

I have 2 brothers , the one who passed away is not her father.

Well, your mother comes first. How has she reacted to the picture? If it is distressing to her, then remove it. If it isn't, I wouldn't.

Of course I can't possibly know, but to the uninitiated outsider you do sound a little bit harsh about your niece. She doesn't want her father airbrushed out of the family history, would that be a possible alternative construction to put on it?

But in any case, your mother comes first. It's how she feels that matters. I'm sorry that you have this terribly sad situation to deal with, it can't be simple to know what is best.

My brothers daughter, actually. She is very difficult, only cares about herself (spoiled) and just wants to to what she wants no matter who doesn't like it.

If you that would be upsetting to her, then tell the staff about your concerns. Has the staff asked for family pictures? Or is another family member putting up these pictures and you disagree?