How do you perform the exact same task everyday and not go insane?

First of all you are sleep deprived, everything seems worse then it has to be when we don't get enough sleep. Your hair is falling out due to stress, so it's time to do some research into what vitamins are good for helping your body deal with that. Vitamin C and B complex comes to mind. You are burned out, that's obvious, so every single thing your grandma does is going to drive you crazy. Do you have a church home? If you do, then it's time to ask for help there. Or does your grandma have a church? Check into that if she does. There has got to be kindhearted people out there that will come in to give you some time off for good behavior, without charging an arm and a leg. Meanwhile, what I would do is get an ipod and plug myself in, turn up my favorite music and go about my business at home. I know you can't work right now, so try the music angle when you're stuck at home with her. When your kids go to school, take a walk if at all possible and get away. Think of it as a mini vacation every single day. You can do this, it's not forever. Gotta keep your eye on the prize. God bless you for taking care of your grandma at all.

Call your church and ask for someone to visit on a regular basis...they probably have shut-ins that they see already and could add you to the list. Call your county's Area Agency on Aging and ask for "intakes and referrals". Tell them you need to have your Grandma assessed for services just as soon as possible. It can be a somewhat lengthy process, but ask them to expedite as your health is failing and there is no one else to help her. Tell them you don't want her to fall into the category of Protective Services, but you do need some assistance quickly. ASK ASK ASK for help...you need to be able to take care of yourself, so you can take care of your kids, and be a wife to your husband. If you continue down this slippery slope you will not be of any good to Grandma, but more importantly not of any good to yourself. Please make those calls today...

I am so, so glad that Grandma is going to a nursing home. We can hope the opening will come up sooner than 6 months. Hang in there!

But don't wait until she is placed to take care of yourself. I urge you to see a doctor. The weight loss is especially concerning. Shortly after my husband was diagnosed with dementia I experienced a weight loss like that, too. I had to make myself eat. I lost weight out of proportion to my eating. My doctor treated me for anxiety and was sure my health issues were related to my husband's diagnosis. When I finally went to an ER I was diagnosed with diabetes! No amount of anxiety meds in the world would have fixed by blood sugar problems! It is possible that all your health symptoms are related to your caregiving situation, but it is also possible something else is going on. So, please, get yourself a thorough examination. If hubby has to stay home a half a day so that you can, so be it. Naheaton has some good suggestions for getting through the days of the next few months. But please, please, see your health care provider.

You might want to call the church you attended and talk to the pastor. Maybe there are people who would volunteer to come in and sit with Grandma and give you a break. You don't know until you ask. Maybe some of the family members could be talked into taking Grandma for 24 hours once a week. Even though they don't like Grandma, my hope it that they would do it for you. My heart goes out to you. Good luck.

Bring those girlfriends to your home for a two hour respite party! Have them bring certain finger foods and do bunko or a card game. Make it fun and loud! Let granny come and go if that is how it plays out. Everyone can always lick their plates at the end of the party! Then plan another" look ahead party" for the next month. Do something for each holiday, bring several families with kids into your home even if it is to do a scavenger hunt for 10 minutes. Tell people what to expect with grandma's behavior, they will understand and surprise you. If you don't start laughing, you will cry. I do care 24/7 with my 86 yr old dad who has severe dementia, my 36 yr old son with autism and I'm raising my 10 yr old ADHD granddaughter so I understand. We were never invited to other families homes while Craig was growing up so we made fun times and brought families come to our house for creative events. Craig had fun watching them from the windows. The rest of our family went outside and participated.
But for these hard times, I suggest calling under the Government Pages in the phone book for your state, the Senior & Disabled services dept, the Veteran's administration if grandma or her husband were ever in the military. She could qualify for services through him for nursing homes, low income pensions, etc. Then call your County Developmentally Disabled Offices as they have phone numbers of special people that do respite care and might even help pay for the care for you. Then call the nearest large hospital and asking for their social worker and talk to them about your situation. Call a counselor from your husband work if it is a benefit of his insurance or just call one from the yellow pages. Call all the Churches, they will help if they can, you don't have to be a member. Get on the phone and remember that it only takes one phone call to put you in touch with the right person that can and will help you. Been there and done all of the above. Peg

You DO need to get some respite care. Is there a daycare in your area? I've found that's GREAT for time so I can go to lunch and just do errands. Also got a caregiver who comes in when I have evening activities for not too bad a price. Ask your doctor's office or county aging agency for suggestions. It's VERY important to take care of yourself, as we've all said. As for the same stuff every day - I figure this is my payback for not having kids, now having an aging toddler on my hands. I turned a corner when I thought of several things: 1) He's NOT GOING TO LEARN how to do things any better. Just repeat the directions and do the tasks the same way every time. Once you learn that, life gets better. 2) You need time with grownups, maybe to vent or just tell with a laugh or a tear what you are going through, maybe not to talk about your situation at all, but anything else. A support group might help both with getting names of agencies and with the venting. It's a tough job, but in the end we'll be glad we did our best.

Aw, I'm so sorry you are going through all this without anyone else helping.. no matter what you will be put in the hospital yourself before the 6 months is up if you don't get help during the night. Do you have to get up with only 4 hrs of sleep or is gma demanding it? What would the family do if you simply could not do it? You might have to have your Husband take gma over to one of the other grandkids houses and drop her off and just tell them sorry but you have no choice because you need help or you will be in the hospital next and they will have her full time. I hate it when family's are like that but hey you have to look out for yourself or you won't be able to help anyone. There is also Adult Day Care through the counsel on aging and if gma's income is low enough they might not charge a lot. I'm not sure of how mobile gma is so these suggestions might or might not help but in any case I will say a prayer for you to get some help and some sleep. Bless you for what you've done. xoxox Cricket

Thank you all for the ideas. I was so overwhelmed when I wrote that last night. I had called one of my colleagues to just say "hi" and she was going out to dinner with some girls from work. I know I am being selfish, but I miss life. I used to have a church but cannot leave my home know and no one visits. As for grandma, I believe she is an atheist. I wish I could cry, I do exercise a lot and it does seem to help. Thanks again for your insight.

I understand. My dad came to live with us 2 mos ago. I cannot imagine being so young & a mom & having to provide 24/7 care. I've had those days when I cry because I am so tired physically & emotionally. Your mom's doctor should be able to refer you to a social worker. My care coordinator has been fabulous. Some facilities offer day care. I use Home Instead for much needed respite. The caregiver they sent was punctual & very sweet my dad. You are a wonderful daughter! Take good care of you when you can. Good luck

My heart goes out to you. I don't know how you do it. All of the above comments were great advice. You need and so deserve a break! I know what it is like to be at the end of your rope and to be the only one. The sleep depravation alone will cause so many health related problems for you. Wish you didn't have to wait 6 months before admission for her to a nursing home. Just keep telling yourself, this too shall pass. That is what got me through in similar situation with my MIL. Take care and I will keep you in my prayers.