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1) There is no Santa Claus.

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Can’t think of a specific thing that’s been said, though I’m sure it’s happened, I guess I truly have let it go. But I can say this, I’m the least helpful person ever at all family gatherings at my in laws home. Decided years ago to be this way. I don’t help get anything ready, and after we eat I take my plate to the sink and go sit in the living room and do absolutely nothing. It’s beyond rude of me. I was conditioned into this by them over years of trying so hard to be of help. No matter what I did it was done over again. If I took something from the oven it had to go back in, if I put a plate in the dishwasher it had to be reloaded differently, if I wiped a table it was done again, there has been no task that wasn’t redone no matter how trivial. So now I sit. I wouldn’t act this way anywhere else. It does help that my husband thinks they’re a bit nuts 🤗
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Rbuser1 Nov 25, 2019
You are my new hero Daughterof1930! ha! I have never felt good enough to be part of the ones who do all the cooking. Made felt I wasn't capable of doing anything-unless told to. I think I might still be sitting at the kids table if we still did family gatherings. So screw it.
But to the funny things said..I had an uncle who was late sometimes getting to the gathering and we never waited so when they came in we would be stuffing our faces and someone or two would say 'well we waited for you' I guess you had to be there. It was a family joke (on Daddy's side) all us youngens would giggle.
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My mother was blind, deaf and used a walker. We went to Thanksgiving at her sisters house. It was buffet style. Mom sat down at the table and I fixed her plate. Her older sister told me to sit down make her do it “She could see and hear if she tried.”
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XenaJada Nov 27, 2019
Ridiculous and hilarious
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It is what no one said this one time.
There was a silence as we waited for the cooks....
I peeked into the kitchen, and the 3 of them had left. There was a
12 qt. pan of mashed potatoes upside down on the floor.

I kept their secret....
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Floridagirl6 Nov 26, 2019
Good call Sendhelp!
I love this!
And Happy Thanksgiving To All!!
8-)
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I remember another one. I bought my father pants for Christmas but wanted to hem them before I wrapped them so at Thanksgiving I asked him to try them on so I could measure the length. I figured he would go into the bathroom and try a pair on....NOPE....dropped his pants right in the middle of my dining room in front of everyone. A few years later I was at a wedding several states away and met some of my cousin's in laws. They had met my father before and asked how he was. I told them the Thanksgiving story and they mentioned he had dropped his pants in their home too. It is amazing he was ever invited back anywhere.
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cwillie Nov 27, 2019
That reminds me of something my dad started to do later in his life - no matter where he was when his tuck in dress shirts needed to be adjusted he would casually undo his belt and zipper and re tuck - embarrassed the heck out of me!
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I saw a quote that said, "Thanksgiving is getting a bunch of crazy relatives under one roof and hoping the police don't get called." Bout sums up my family's gatherings. Someone would always be arguing with, shouting at, or not speaking to someone else by the end of the day. Or drunk and disorderly.
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I may be the one that's "said" something and maybe not real funny.

Thankfully not hosting this year, going to my youngest brother's for them to host. Hooray.

Here, when I host, in my home, I have a very small kitchen. Perhaps DH is seated at the kitchen table, electric knife, carving up the turkey. I'm flittering about in the small kitchen, getting rolls onto a pan to pop them in the oven last minute, setting out drinking glasses and ice and tea and any other last minute things you do before calling the masses to come serve their plates.

I will never understand why people don't see/observe ... if I didn't call you in here to assign you a specific task then why are you in here. There's not enough space to be flittering about in and out of this and that cabinet and drawer and having to ask each individual to scuse me, scuse me, I need to get in that drawer .. need you to move, scuse me ...you're in the way I need to grab something out of that cabinet

I finally did, stop the presses and announce with much aggravation to my tone "unless you were asked to be in here to do something..scram ..all of ya..I'll call you when it's all ready .. don't need yall in here all in my way.

People did .. scatter like roaches and scram. Not very warm and inviting atmosphere by the host.

But dang ... get outta the way .. can you not see that your presence along with the 5 or 6 others that decided to amble into this small space, you're just in the way .. why make me have to be rude.

MIL was always one of the worst offenders ... she & her walker .. and not able to .. cant move fast ..hop outta the way.

Just dangit .. stay outta the kitchen .. unless you were asked to help.

Not real funny ...but yea probably me that did/said something awkward. Yep.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 26, 2019
This is so true! Everyone has personal desires and needs. Very good point! Be gracious to your host and hostess. The hosts will appreciate it! It’s called common courtesy and respect.

Dorker, good for you for SAYING something! Sometimes we have to speak up.
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No matter how big the spread somebody is bound to grumble about not being served something or other - I always like cheese sauce on my veggies or mom didn't used to make the stuffing like this or aw, no peanut butter balls?...
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Pepita48 Nov 30, 2019
Next year, perhaps you could just make the basics, and suggest everyone else brings their favourite extras for sharing? - could be interesting!
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Oh, I thought of another good one. One time my eldest brother went to use the loo. Now anyone who knew him would know that he was kind of a conservative, don't say certain things to kind of person.

So my sister's boyfriend at the time proceeded to stand outside the bathroom door and say loudly "anything over 5 pounds you better lower down with a rope"

We all sat at the dinner table and cringed. (but laughed)
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What a great question and answers!! Love it!

My mom hosts Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, etc. She loves to host the meals and has the china, crystal, silver, etc to set a beautiful table. We all gather around the living room to join hands and say a prayer.. which Mom says and takes very seriously.

Anyway, Mom was saying the prayer and I looked up to check on my (then) eight year old son. He was holding my brother's hand and dry heaving. I thought my brother had passed silent gas (his specialty) and that my son was at the height to be "in the line of fire." I couldn't help it and began to giggle. I really tried hard to stifle it but that just made it worse! My husband was squeezing my hand trying to quiet me but that also made it worse. I just couldn't stop!!!

I ruined my mom's prayer and she was, understandably, not happy. I apologized but was still reminded how to behave during the prayer for the next several holiday dinners.

Turns out, my son was standing near an appetizer tray of cheese and crackers and was getting an unwelcome whiff of blue cheese. Not surprisingly, neither of us like that cheese!
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jacobsonbob Dec 1, 2019
I think I laughed the most at this one; THANKS! (Perhaps your brother should get an honorary SBD degree!).
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At a Thanksgiving long ago, an elderly gent (my future FIL) peered at me and said, "Young lady, you are very pretty." Long pause. "Of course, I'm half blind."

Still laughing 20 years later. Love this thread, thanks!
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jacobsonbob Dec 1, 2019
I'm blind in one eye, but I can certainly appreciate beauty with the other!
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