How can I be more patient with my mom when her dementia is getting worse?

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My mom is getting more and more paranoid every time I see her. She's been in an assisted living facility for three months. She was actually getting better tolerating the place (not that dementia gets better) but she developed a UTI and a sinus infection which she is currently being treated for. She has become "combatitive" throwing pillows at residents, hitting their chairs with her cane to get attention which ends up waking the residents who are taking a nap. She is miserable at every meal finds something to complain about to the wait staff and she's upsetting the people at her table. She has now been give Ativan to calm her down. This is only a bandage. They are talking about putting her on anti-psychotic drugs which have side effects for an 87 year old. However, it may be worth the risk if she can be leveled out and somewhat content.. She'll never be happy at the AL but at least she won't have people walking out of a room when she enters. She's not paranoid about that I've seen it. It's really sad. She thinks that people are jealous of her and her family. I try to tell her they're not however it's no use arguing with her. I just left her and am upset that I couldn't handle her today for more than 40 minutes. I was there yesterday for 6 hours. I'm so afraid that they'll kick her out. I really feel awful that I didn't stay longer. I just started "arguing" with her and told her that people weren't jealous of her and she just had to try to get along. That really upset her so I just told her that I had to go. Told her I would see her next weekend. I feel awful about this but my stomach is in knots. How do you handle this?

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Thanks for all your responses. You've all been so helpful. My daughter is a PA and she recommended that I have mom retested within 7 days of the last antibiotic since it may have not cleared up. I will definitely do this. At times she said the UTI is so bad that it takes a couple of doses to actually kill the infection.
As far as nutritional, my mother has always been a poor eater. Can't believe I love fruits and veggies. She hardly likes any fruits or veggies. It's a good thing that she does take a multi vitamin every day.
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I've got a couple of nutritional suggestions. Consider a gluten problem, as well as the need for supplemental vitamins D and B, and Omegas. If you do some research, you may find, as I have, that there are links between these things and the erratic behavior you describe. Also - please take care of YOU with adequate nutritional support.
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When our parents hurt us, it is so hard to separate the person we knew from the illness. Your mother sounds very ill. Sometimes we, as caregivers, can only insist and help get medical care for them. Try to look at this as illness, if you can. My mother has said so many just plain cruel things to me in the past two years. I have to give myself some space after each incident. Please know you are in my prayers. Rebecca
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My father-in-law had a UTI that caused him to see things, be totally out of it and eventually led to his death. My mother-in-law on the other hand just got tested and also had a UTI. She had NO symptoms that would get her attention. I noticed that she had to pee all time and mentioned it to the doctor who had her tested. I understand it's worse for men, but I would've thought even with her dementia she may notice she had one. Apparently not. Go figure.
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The combative behavior just started in the past month. The paranoia has gotten worse and she had it even when she was living at home in the past year. However now with her being exposed to so many people, it's definitely worse. I met with the medical care director today and she said that the Psychiatrist defintely feels that she needs something to "level her out". My mom's moods are so eratic, she calls me at 6 and is fine then is balistic at 7:15. My family and I are meeting with the care team on Nov 18th just to discuss her meds, level of care etc. Can a UTI have caused this if it went undetected for a month?
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How much of the infection running through her body is the cause of this? Was she doing this when she first came there or is this something new? If she wasn't being combative when she first got there, then I'm wondering if maybe it's the infection that's exacerbating the situation. What does the nurse there at her asst living suggest? Or is it only going to be drugs? My mother-in-law lives in asst living and I meet with her health adviser every few months or so for any new needs she might need. I'm curious if you've talked this over with her primary care doctor?
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