PT caregiver is really great but should we be concerned?

It would be shame to lose such a good caregiver, but your concerns are valid. You should have a heart to heart talk with her trying not to cause or place blame, let her now how much she is appreciated, but try and set some boundaries with her. Diplomacy might be the key word here. Fix it without hurt feelings and ruffled feathers.

I'm sorry to disagree , but I'd thank my lucky stars to find someone like that to care for mother. The main thing I would be concerned with is who has control of her money and access to it? If it is you, then there is really nothing to worry about, you control the purse strings. If mom still does, then yes, you better get that changed immediately. As to be getting involved in family politics, she would only have the power that your family allows. Some people can't do a "good job" if they can't do what they think is their duty, this girl sounds like that, just too enthusiastic with a bit of hopefulness of being remembered in the will. I do think you should empty mom's house of anything that is of particular value monetarily
or sentimental value. Tell your mother that you just bought a huge new safe and
want to store her things there just in case someone was to break in. I don't see the problem of this girl putting her phone number in your mother's purse, put yours in there too along with who you are.
I would have all my mom's bills all mailed to me instead of her that way the caregiver would not be tempted to snoop. I am not a fan of confrontations, I do my tweaking from the inside, which is what I am suggesting.

Everyone is different, so this advise is worth what it is costing you. LOL, but I actually have a very similar circumstances except my mother started with this lady and now is in the end of her dementia. I found her a companion and disguised her as a cleaning lady when mom first started showing her dementia symptoms. My gal is wonderful, she takes mom out to lunch, drags her with her on her own personal errands (something that I sure don't want to do!) All the neighbors know to call me or this lady if they ever see mother out alone. I look at her as a member of the family after 2 years, and that is fine by me!

Barriers barriers barriers - she is working outside the boundaries here. Just rein her in gently. If I was really concerned and to be fair in this situation I would be I would have put some cctv in just to keep an eye. Then if all is well and good then great - if not then at l;east you need to talk at worst call the police. Abuse never has been about violence but about control and it does look from what you have said that she is controlling all of you right now! sorry for the bluntness and absolutely no offence meant she may be marvellous but for me ....alarm bells are ringing

It feels to me as though she overstepping her bounds. You decide who mom calls in an emergency not her. Was a background check done?

I would let this geriatric Mary Poppins go, nicely of course. In my 29 years as a nurse, I have met a few nurses / companions that behave in this manner. It's always a disaster. These people manipulate the patient and family, and it can spin out of control. Money is usually a factor. Please, do a background check on anyone who is not employed by a reputable agency. Good luck 😊

Sounds like she's got some codependency issues. I agree that gently letting her know her boundaries would be best since you don't really want to lose a good caregiver. Then if that doesn't work, perhaps more drastic measures may have to be taken. Is she a private duty caregiver or does she work for a home health agency? Perhaps if she is an employee of a home health agency you could call and get them involved if necessary. You don't want this to turn into "The Hand That Rocks The Cradle." However, from the sounds of it I kind of doubt that abuse is any concern although I am not against getting surveillance equipment installed if you have any suspicions. I hope this helps!

Where did you find this lovely girl? If through an agency, go to her line manager and ask for her to be given gentle reminders about not getting too attached to her client, and about maintaining professional neutrality on family issues (think "three wise monkeys.") If it's a private arrangement between the family and the caregiver, though, you'll have to do it yourself. Be kind, and be prepared for a warm-hearted person's believing that you can solve all conflicts with love and understanding - she probably has a lot to learn, alas.

But it sounds to me like naïvety and over-enthusiasm rather than any kind of sinister inveigling, so I wouldn't be alarmed. Is it the caregiver's first time in this role?

I have to ask, is your mom wealthy or does it appear as though she has assets? This young lady my be ingratiating herself in order to gain access to bank accounts or valuables in the house. I hope this isn't the case. She may be just need to be needed.

Everything you've said about this caregiver relating to your mother's well-being are positive. She sounds like a dream come true! SHE is the one caring for your mom day in and day out. SHE knows how to care for her, and what kind of reassurances to provide in order to keep you mother's quality of life at it's best. I'm not sure what it is that you're asking should alarm you. That she seems to really care about your mother? That she sees to it that your mother knows exactly how to contact her if she needs to? That she has taken steps to provide the least complicated systems for your mother? Was she given instructions to the contrary, or is she just doing what she believes she needs to do in order to fulfill her duties? Maybe she IS some kind of gold digger. You need to protect what you need to protect, so see to it. Maybe she is simply a wonderful, caring, loving person who is providing your mother unprecedented/an unexpected level of care. What does your gut say if you really listen? Maybe this is a person who deserves to be rewarded greatly (maybe not even monetarily).

I hear the bells too. That girl is either too good to be true, or maybe is exactly that...too good to be true. I agree you need to have a very gentle heart to heart with her, starting with the business of who your mom should call first in an emergency. It would be very suspicious for anyone else to object to your mom calling her own daughter first... in such a situation. Then change that speed dial to you being number one on the list.

(I don't see a problem with Mom having the girl's phone number, but you might tell the caregiver that you would rather she not encourage the extra phone calls from Mom to her, or from her to Mom, on the grounds that this engenders even greater dependency than is already the case. You don't want Mom to be even more dependent than she already is. Phone calls that Mom thinks to make, on her own impulse, are one thing; training to to need even more calls is not in your mom's best interest. It's your mom that needs to be check on, not the other way around. And if you are calling or seeing Mom on the caregiver's days off, then calls from her to mom, are really not necessary. Say: "It's really sweet of you, but the more independent mom can remain, the better." Then tell her very nicely that she needs to not get in the middle of family disputes. Present that as your desire that she remain on good terms with both sides. Tell her that you would not want a family squabble to cause your mom to lose a great companion like her.

Then sit back and see how that plays out, and she how she responds. If you get push back from her on these ideas you will have a much better picture of what this gal is about. If she's really interested in your Mom's welfare, she'll cooperate. If she is codependent, and is latching onto your mom, because of her own emotional neediness, she will likely not stop, and just keep on as she has been. And if she's up to no good, in that she's after Mom's money etc. you may find her actions go underground, with her being more secretive, but still trying to make your mom dependent on her. You will have to be alert to the clues. Good luck, and let us know how it goes.