I don't know about the Parkinson, but I do know about depression and that makes you cry alot. Could she be depressed due to the diagnosis? Talk to her dr., maybe she needs something for the depression.
marylou, is he willing to do for your son? This must be soooo frustating for you! What is his reason for not taking the medication? Does he take other meds?
My husband was prescribed an antidepressant after a head injury. He objected, saying he wasn't sad and he couldn't be depressed. The psychiatrist explained that his depression wasn't coming out as sadness (more apathy) and he explained what part of the brain was injured. He said we were very lucky that most areas of the brain injured in the fall were back to functioning well or their functions had been taken up by other parts of the brain, but it appeared that this particular brain part was going to need some chemical help, and it might need it for the rest of his life.
I'm so glad that my husband went along with this. That simple pill literally gave me back my husband (for 10 years, until he developed dementia). He remained on antidepressants the rest of his life.
If your pancreas isn't functioning right, you take insulin. If your brain isn't functioning right, you take antidepressants. What's with these men who make a big deal out of it?
Marylou1957....is there some way you could mask the medication in food? Just a thought. I know when mom had a hard time swallowing some medications..the Hospice nurse suggested grinding it up and putting it in something like pudding or applesauce? I'm sorry...I hope for better days for you. God Bless
marylou1957, I suspect this isn't going to win me any popularity contests, but that's never been my goal anyway, so here goes ...
Start looking for Assisted Living or some other type of care center for your husband. Start looking into how you would pay for this. Do this very seriously and conscientiously. Contact Social Services or the PD association in your area or the state Agency on Aging -- whatever resources you need to have a plan in place.
Then sit down with your husband when he is in a calm mood and go over the plan with him. Tell him that you hope you won't have to put this plan into action and that he can stay here with you and your son for the rest of his life. But that you know you cannot provide 24/7 care, that you cannot keep him happy, and that you need to be a mother and an individual as well as his wife and caretaker. Promise that you will never abandon him, that you will also advocate for the best care possible, and will spend time with him often, no matter where he is. But you needed to have a Plan B in place so you'd know what to do if/when his needs increase.
I suspect that you may be right that the plan in his head is for him to get to the point where you have to be here 24/7 so he can keep an eye on you. So it is a kindness to be very upfront with him now, before that happens, and he goes to a lot of trouble to execute a plan that will backfire on him.
Don't do this until you have actually researched it and you can present a specific place and a way to pay for it. Don't do it with any kind of accusations or "if only you would" or with any hint that this would be a punishment. This is just the matter-of-fact plan you have for how you will cope if/when his disease requires more care than you can give him.
By the way, my husband was never controlling, either before or after he developed Lewy Body Dementia, and he didn't try to keep me from being away sometimes. So my reasons were different, but in calm, lucid moments I several times promised him that I would never ever abandon him, but that I couldn't say I'd never place him in a care center. We didn't know what the future held, and I would always want him to have the all the care he needed, even if I couldn't provide that care at home. This was in no way a threat. It was just reality for us. As it turned out, with in-home care and at the end hospice he died in our own bedroom, holding my hand. I am not about putting sick spouses out of sight, but I also know that well spouses need to look after their own needs, too.
Jeanne is so right! We all need to recognize when we can no longer provide care at home. For some it comes sooner than for others. I'm still hanging in after 5 years, but it is slowly getting to the point that my mind and body can't go there anymore. There is no shame in placing a loved one when the time comes.
I agree with the depression. My husband is like that also has PD. He was told to go to a Psyc Dr. but he refuses. I wish he would go because there are a few different meds that would help him:(
I have been caring for my mom for 5 years 24/7 due to PD and dementia. She was a mess for a long time as we had no clue what was wrong. Crying, seeing things, anxiety attacks. All of these are a part of the disease and you need to get your mom to a neurologist that specializes in PD and they should be able to help find an antidepressant that will work for your mom. Mine is on PD meds, an antidepressant, aricept and namenda for memory and zanax for anxiety. She needs seroquel to sleep at night also. She is in the late stages of dementia and can do very little for herself. I still have her at home and she does go to daycare 4 days a week. I know this sounds like a lot to deal with , but the more you learn about the disease, the better armed you will be to keep your sanity. Definitely make sure she gets on a memory med right away. They really do help. Mom is pretty far gone, but if we take away her aricept or namenda, she is totally gone! Call her doctor and try to get them to refer you to a neurologist that specializes in PD patients. That will be your best bet to start. Do not let her regular doctor talk you out of it. It's a necessary step to help you and your mom. Good luck!
marylou1957, I was not suggesting placement as a solution for now, but to make your husband aware that you cannot be his 24/7 constant companion and if it ever came to that there would have to be a different solution.
And never say never. Having Dad someplace else would be very hard on your son. But having Dad violent and aggressive or very demanding and disrespectful of his mother would be very hard, too. With dementia we never know what the future holds. A backup plan that you sincerely hope you never have to use is not a bad thing.
Thank you Jeanne I do appreciate your suggestion and will get to work on that. I do agree with not having my son pick up on the negative behavior my husband sometimes has at this point. It is very hard to explain to my son the difference as to why I accept it from his Father but I also told him it's not going to go on forever here. I am working very hard on my son's social skills and I don't need him to be around negativity. Thank you again for listening and voicing your opinion. It is much appreciated.
My husband was prescribed an antidepressant after a head injury. He objected, saying he wasn't sad and he couldn't be depressed. The psychiatrist explained that his depression wasn't coming out as sadness (more apathy) and he explained what part of the brain was injured. He said we were very lucky that most areas of the brain injured in the fall were back to functioning well or their functions had been taken up by other parts of the brain, but it appeared that this particular brain part was going to need some chemical help, and it might need it for the rest of his life.
I'm so glad that my husband went along with this. That simple pill literally gave me back my husband (for 10 years, until he developed dementia). He remained on antidepressants the rest of his life.
If your pancreas isn't functioning right, you take insulin. If your brain isn't functioning right, you take antidepressants. What's with these men who make a big deal out of it?
Start looking for Assisted Living or some other type of care center for your husband. Start looking into how you would pay for this. Do this very seriously and conscientiously. Contact Social Services or the PD association in your area or the state Agency on Aging -- whatever resources you need to have a plan in place.
Then sit down with your husband when he is in a calm mood and go over the plan with him. Tell him that you hope you won't have to put this plan into action and that he can stay here with you and your son for the rest of his life. But that you know you cannot provide 24/7 care, that you cannot keep him happy, and that you need to be a mother and an individual as well as his wife and caretaker. Promise that you will never abandon him, that you will also advocate for the best care possible, and will spend time with him often, no matter where he is. But you needed to have a Plan B in place so you'd know what to do if/when his needs increase.
I suspect that you may be right that the plan in his head is for him to get to the point where you have to be here 24/7 so he can keep an eye on you. So it is a kindness to be very upfront with him now, before that happens, and he goes to a lot of trouble to execute a plan that will backfire on him.
Don't do this until you have actually researched it and you can present a specific place and a way to pay for it. Don't do it with any kind of accusations or "if only you would" or with any hint that this would be a punishment. This is just the matter-of-fact plan you have for how you will cope if/when his disease requires more care than you can give him.
By the way, my husband was never controlling, either before or after he developed Lewy Body Dementia, and he didn't try to keep me from being away sometimes. So my reasons were different, but in calm, lucid moments I several times promised him that I would never ever abandon him, but that I couldn't say I'd never place him in a care center. We didn't know what the future held, and I would always want him to have the all the care he needed, even if I couldn't provide that care at home. This was in no way a threat. It was just reality for us. As it turned out, with in-home care and at the end hospice he died in our own bedroom, holding my hand. I am not about putting sick spouses out of sight, but I also know that well spouses need to look after their own needs, too.
Maryrlou, is your husband seeing a Parkinson specialist? I'm surprised that doctor won't prescribe what is needed? (Or is he only seeing a GP?)
Mine is on PD meds, an antidepressant, aricept and namenda for memory and zanax for anxiety. She needs seroquel to sleep at night also. She is in the late stages of dementia and can do very little for herself. I still have her at home and she does go to daycare 4 days a week.
I know this sounds like a lot to deal with , but the more you learn about the disease, the better armed you will be to keep your sanity. Definitely make sure she gets on a memory med right away. They really do help. Mom is pretty far gone, but if we take away her aricept or namenda, she is totally gone!
Call her doctor and try to get them to refer you to a neurologist that specializes in PD patients. That will be your best bet to start. Do not let her regular doctor talk you out of it. It's a necessary step to help you and your mom. Good luck!
And never say never. Having Dad someplace else would be very hard on your son. But having Dad violent and aggressive or very demanding and disrespectful of his mother would be very hard, too. With dementia we never know what the future holds. A backup plan that you sincerely hope you never have to use is not a bad thing.
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