I've heard you can take them to the mall (which is quiet on a weekday), to a park, the grocery store, maybe to a zoo. Be prepared to do...not much, just toddle around and look at things. Great patience is required during an outing! I find old people do love to see animals and children. Maybe have someone from their church or something, come over with their children or grandchildren, and bring their dogs? I wished my mother could have a cat or dog for a companion but I knew I would have to bring the critter home or find a new home for it eventually. It was one of the saddest things about the whole thing...
I know I have posted on this before, but I have a mother whose daily schedule is made around her "shows". She does go to church for one hour on Sunday, Bingo one day a week at the local sr center and occasionally to lunch with her one friend who can drive. Other than that, she's housebound and the TV is on.
We all tried to think of things to engage her, but she will hang up on you if you call and she is watching a show or something is about to come on.
Pretty much, if she's content to sit and watch TV all day, nothing we can do to help that. She's asked us to leave her alone more than once, and I think all of us finally get that she truly does want to be left alone.
My mother feels guilty watching TV all day. Sometimes she'll say she will go outside when it's warmer. I'll tell her it is warm -- say, 72 degree out. Then she'll say yeah, but it's windy. I'll say it is a really beautiful day. Then she'll say that 72 is cold for an old person, so she'll just stay in. We go through this almost every beautiful day. No, I don't start it. She seems to know that sitting there watching TV all day isn't right, so she has to justify it to herself. It's too cold, too hot, too bright, too dark, rainy, too dry outside. She has been out very seldom since 2013 except to go to church, doctor's, or out to eat. She sleeps and watches TV.
I feel guilty that I don't spend more time with her, but I can't do that. I have a hard time sitting still and totally hate the Game Show Network and don't think I could live through another episode of The Waltons or Little House. If they ever cancel the Waltons, it will be the end of life as we know it here.
If a person has severe dementia, watching TV is not bad ( as long as they are not like my Grandpa, who thought the guys on TV were real and were coming for him)
But if they do not have dementia, watching TV all day will only lead to more problems. One of my grandfathers tinkered around his workshop, went to the country store to talk with other men, and kept up with the news - and never got severe dementia. The other one sat and watched TV, slept a lot, and got dementia to the point where my grandma was afraid that he might strangle her by mistake while she slept. Medical researchers have even found that watching a lot of TV causes mental deficits in children.
Sounds to me like the parents may be depressed, so this is something that may need to be checked out.
My grandma zones in and out on the TV all day long. She tries to do search a word books but can't remember how. Even when I work with her, it's mostly her drawing lines on the pages after I tell her where to draw them so she doesn't get much out of the activity. Occasionally on a good day, she will look through photo books or through old mail that has been left next to her to go through it. She has dementia so even while watching TV she won't know what is going on and will only tune in and out. Her favorite activity is actually watching out the window at the birds, the people walking past (we live in a busy street) and the cars going by. She gets really excited when there's a back up of traffic in front of the house (usually around bus time as the school at the end of the street backs up cars when their buses come and go). I don't see anything wrong with napping and with watching TV and outside. I have to admit, I might be a bad caregiver but I left her nap off and on all day making sure she has a good nap from 12:30 to 2. At 2, sometimes she'll go back to sleep after a bathroom break but often times she stays up for the day and I totally encourage that. I have found that if she stays awake from 3:30 until 9, she sleeps better and more soundly where as a nap during that time will make it so she doesn't sleep at night and gets anxious and wants to go to the bathroom every 20 minutes keeping me awake.
So I see nothing wrong with TV, looking outside, reading, napping, etc. At 80 I figure they have earned it and should be able to do what feels good to them.
Don't forget about the people watching TV at night. A few years ago I ran some short commercials and apparently the local TV station had problems at 3 am- their transmission froze. The next morning we found a hilarious voicemail from an elderly lady talking slowly with a long drawl- she was so serious. "It is 3 am and I really want to watch my "Highway to Heaven" but all I see is your commercial- what can you do to fix it so I can go back to my TV show?" We never erased it- it is worth a big smile just to listen to it once in a while. As a two person company we can't do much- especially controlling TV transmissions at 3 am. Age does lead to "being tired" all the time but it also messes up the body clock- at least your parents sleep at night!
This may put things in a little different perspective: When my husband's LBD first showed up his attention span couldn't get him through a short conversation. Watching television was out of the question. Doing anything but fidgeting and wandering aimlessly around the house took too much concentration.
I can't tell you how thrilled I was when he improved enough to focus on something more than 2 minutes at a time and he could actually watch television! I bought a wireless headset so the volume didn't drive me crazy. I bought disks of his favorite old series (MASH, Hogan's Heroes, Northern Exposure). The absence of commercials helped the continuity, and the familiarity of the characters and plots was comforting. I got documentaries of national parks we'd been to. And, of course, he loved sports broadcast live -- commercials and all.
So while many bemoan that their loved ones watch so much television, I was thrilled when my husband could once again get entertainment from that source.
Church? If they can get there, and manage to sit through it, there are benefits to going to a church for a senior citizen. They will maybe send visitors when you're housebound, and sometimes if they're big enough they will have a list of people who will be companions or aides (under the table, like $10 an hour). You don't have to be 'religious' - half the churchgoers including the priests or pastors are just going because that's what they DO, nothing to do with religion at all.
Someone mentioned "take her to lunch" and that sounds like a great idea! Take, go with, do it together - more fun when there are 2 or more, easier to face a group of strangers too. regular visits/visiting are good but spice it up with an unexpected pop-in once very 6 weeks or so. Doesn't have to be a long visit, just drop off a magazine, head to the ice cream parlor for a double-dip, take time to run a batch of laundry or make some instant pudding and portion it into single-serving dishes to load into the 'fridge. Whatever floats your boat but mostly what pleases your senior family members. Wish I had friends who'd do this, but they live 2 suburbs away and are terrible drivers. In the meantime weekly bingo and monthly birthday parties are truly awful in my seniors-only building.
Also, don't tell me I ought to consider attending church on Sunday because I don't like being around a bunch of hypocrites. I also do not like hugging people I do not know; it feels so weird
There is nothing to do where I live except sit on your duff and look at TV. I manage to get outside for some exercise; maybe make a goodie run to the convenience store across the street. I don't have any family where I live, just some cousins who I am no longer speaking to. I also never married nor had children. I do go to a senior center in another city the third and fourth Fridays of each month
It's hard isn't it, twocents? At some point you just give up. My mom couldn't even be bothered to see my dad in hospice when he was dying of brain cancer. He asked to see her every darn day for two weeks before he died. She saw him once.
The pain of her selfishness permanently damaged our relationship. I still watch over her and take her out to lunch every week from her AL and bring her everything she needs on Wednesdays. To this day she has no idea the pain she dragged me through and I will never tell her. I know what respect is and will not stoop to that level. Too bad that my dad was not afforded the same thing from her. Life does go on.
mom couldn't be arsed to do anything so I won't even try. I don't know if she is really happy just watching tv but it is about all she has left. she is deaf, can hardly see. no one comes round (not my fault). but try to get her to go anywhere, do anything? all I ever got was a litany of excuses so I am not going to play that game.
Oh, I must put in this: My mother had Lewy Body Dementia which causes hallucination and blurs the lines between 'real' and 'imagination/dreaming'. Before she got bad, it was both horrifying and hilarious when she would call up at 2, 3, 4 a.m. and tell me 'those people (and they could be anyone, anyone at all) are sleeping in the back room', but her favorites were the Kardashians, the Real Housewives, and Joan Rivers. All of them, believe it or not, bunked out at my mom's house!
CatsEyeNebula. Yes its true a lot of seniors dont want to get out of their shells and I expect I shall be the same. I shall also have no one and love books and music but must stop the whining otherwise I wont have any friends either! I am sure being old and probably ill makes the oldsters feel insecure and frightened of going out and mixing. They want to feel safe and TV makes them feel they are part of the world even if that is a deception. The TV is a real addiction but if they seem content let them alone! With the proviso they must get up and walk around the room each half hour to keep the blood moving- (advice from community nurse to my husband).
What is it you expect them to be doing? Jump in the car and go on road trips (god forbid!!!)? Go out dancing/dinners/shopping - why aren't you arranging outings and driving them around if you want them to be 'doing active things'? Their friends are probably deceased or worse off than they are! When you get into your 80's, it's a good day when you get up, groom and bathe, and get dressed. Watching TV at least passes the time. Reading might be difficult, perhaps books on tape? Play some music? Take them to church, for a walk, to a senior citizens center, out to eat? It's up to YOU, your siblings or grown children, if your parents are still sharp and would enjoy outings, they really can't do it by themselves any more. As for excessive sleeping, that happens but you should have their meds checked in case there is some interaction.
My mom has Alzheimer's and she was becoming very reclusive and quiet. We found a very good adult day care center where dementia patients were cared for from 10: to 3: on a day to day basis. I take her 1 day a week and it has made a remarkable difference in her behavior. She wants to go with me and my son whatever we go and take part in what ever we are doing. This type of center is not just for people with dementia,but caters to all adult needs in a caring and active environment geared to the client's needs. Cheryl
Yes I do believe that people on TV can become people's family and they mourned if the show goes off the air! Even younger people mourned when a show goes off the air because of the way society is set up today. I grew up on the dead end street and we played outside every day. Was born in 1954. Watched a little TV but not a lot. Did other things. Now even young people 20-70 watch more TV just for company. 12 step program for inertia in old age would possibly work if they advertised it on of course television. It could start is trend. Good idea CatsEyeNebula.
From what I'm reading here there seems no good way to get seniors out of their shell - home - to participate in activities or exercise. Maybe it's because I have no family that I am more concerned about not giving up, not giving in to a strong inclination to sleep a lot, read a lot, avoid people I don't know, and whine about all the things I don't like. But this strong inclination and the whining make me boring to others, definitely someone no one wants to be around. Hmmm
Could it be that seniors' inactivity, withdrawing into a shell, is like an addiction? Is there a 12-step program for overcoming the inertia of old age?
"TV can be alienating"---it is THE primary "intimacy destroyer" if you have a TV in the bedroom. Sure has been for me. Hubby is addicted to anything and everything that's on---plus he's nearly deaf and won't get hearing aids so even though I sleep downstairs, with earplugs in I can STILL hear the dialogue on the shows he watches. He also falls asleep mid-show and then I can hear BOTH the TV and his snoring. I get up, turn off the lights and TV and a couple of hours later, it's on again.
Enough already--this is my problem-- and he made his choice--it got down to me in the bed or the TV and he chose..the TV. So, yep, that's really alienating.
As far as mother watching--yes, she watches repeats all day of shows she has seen 20-100 times. She does enjoy sports, weirdly enough and follows college football and basketball. Also, like I said, she doesn't even turn down the sound IF someone comes to visit, so I can see why we have such a hard time getting the other sibs to visit. My sis said "I go see her and have to watch "Murder, She wrote" from 25 years ago. Why waste my time?" Good point.
Though, again, if that's what makes them happy, why not? Dad was bedbound and went from someone who watched zero TV to someone who had it on 24/7. A lot of people are addicted to TV, or to their phones and the internet--hubby can't stay off Facebook and usually has the TV on and is on FB a lot. Such a waste of time and intellect! Not looking forward to retirement with this guy!!
A bad thing about TV is that it can be alienating. As I sad before, my mother watches Game Show Network and reruns of the Waltons and Little House. She has seen each episode 10-100 times, but still enjoys them. I, OTOH, cannot bear to watch them again. It's like Chinese water torture seeing the same shows over and over. So I go outside and back to my room. She doesn't mind that, since I think she prefers being alone, anyway.
Perhaps the appeal of tv is that it's mind numbing, unless it's a documentary or intelligent program, such as the science, military, PBS, or Smithsonian channels. I suspect the reason why older people become addicted could be twofold: (a) it draws them in, redirects their attention from themselves, keeps them occupied and not thinking of their own mortality or age related issues, and (b) they're just not mobile and can't get out as easily as younger people can, even with assistance.
And I think what people did when younger could be an indication of behavior when older. My family are readers; we all read a lot and have hundreds of books. To me reading is not only stimulating, and educational, it can be a release because it has the power to transport people beyond their own world, in a way that tv doesn't.
We all tried to think of things to engage her, but she will hang up on you if you call and she is watching a show or something is about to come on.
Pretty much, if she's content to sit and watch TV all day, nothing we can do to help that. She's asked us to leave her alone more than once, and I think all of us finally get that she truly does want to be left alone.
I feel guilty that I don't spend more time with her, but I can't do that. I have a hard time sitting still and totally hate the Game Show Network and don't think I could live through another episode of The Waltons or Little House. If they ever cancel the Waltons, it will be the end of life as we know it here.
But if they do not have dementia, watching TV all day will only lead to more problems. One of my grandfathers tinkered around his workshop, went to the country store to talk with other men, and kept up with the news - and never got severe dementia. The other one sat and watched TV, slept a lot, and got dementia to the point where my grandma was afraid that he might strangle her by mistake while she slept. Medical researchers have even found that watching a lot of TV causes mental deficits in children.
Sounds to me like the parents may be depressed, so this is something that may need to be checked out.
So I see nothing wrong with TV, looking outside, reading, napping, etc. At 80 I figure they have earned it and should be able to do what feels good to them.
I can't tell you how thrilled I was when he improved enough to focus on something more than 2 minutes at a time and he could actually watch television! I bought a wireless headset so the volume didn't drive me crazy. I bought disks of his favorite old series (MASH, Hogan's Heroes, Northern Exposure). The absence of commercials helped the continuity, and the familiarity of the characters and plots was comforting. I got documentaries of national parks we'd been to. And, of course, he loved sports broadcast live -- commercials and all.
So while many bemoan that their loved ones watch so much television, I was thrilled when my husband could once again get entertainment from that source.
The pain of her selfishness permanently damaged our relationship. I still watch over her and take her out to lunch every week from her AL and bring her everything she needs on Wednesdays. To this day she has no idea the pain she dragged me through and I will never tell her. I know what respect is and will not stoop to that level. Too bad that my dad was not afforded the same thing from her. Life does go on.
I am sure being old and probably ill makes the oldsters feel insecure and frightened of going out and mixing. They want to feel safe and TV makes them feel they are part of the world even if that is a deception. The TV is a real addiction but if they seem content let them alone! With the proviso they must get up and walk around the room each half hour to keep the blood moving-
(advice from community nurse to my husband).
Could it be that seniors' inactivity, withdrawing into a shell, is like an addiction? Is there a 12-step program for overcoming the inertia of old age?
Enough already--this is my problem-- and he made his choice--it got down to me in the bed or the TV and he chose..the TV. So, yep, that's really alienating.
As far as mother watching--yes, she watches repeats all day of shows she has seen 20-100 times. She does enjoy sports, weirdly enough and follows college football and basketball. Also, like I said, she doesn't even turn down the sound IF someone comes to visit, so I can see why we have such a hard time getting the other sibs to visit. My sis said "I go see her and have to watch "Murder, She wrote" from 25 years ago. Why waste my time?" Good point.
Though, again, if that's what makes them happy, why not? Dad was bedbound and went from someone who watched zero TV to someone who had it on 24/7.
A lot of people are addicted to TV, or to their phones and the internet--hubby can't stay off Facebook and usually has the TV on and is on FB a lot. Such a waste of time and intellect! Not looking forward to retirement with this guy!!
And I think what people did when younger could be an indication of behavior when older. My family are readers; we all read a lot and have hundreds of books. To me reading is not only stimulating, and educational, it can be a release because it has the power to transport people beyond their own world, in a way that tv doesn't.