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I have said no to this. I am the caregiver for my parents,taking care of all their finances, their home. They are i Assisted Living now..but still I am the caregiver. I have only 1 brother. He has distanced himself big time. He could drive down and visit--only a 6 hour dirive, but he is "to busy with his work and family" So it is just me and I do it with a happy heart for my parents. My parents are coming into a little bit of a settlement..about 10,000 and they want me to have it. My brother knows about this settlement and I do not want to make "waves" with him. He basically has done very very little for them. Should I take the money..what I will do is just hold it in case my parents need it. I do not want to spend their money on myself. But I do not want my brother to get it either. He was always a good brother until my parents went down hill fast due to a car accident--not their fault. He has distanced himself and only calls them 1 or 2 times a month.. I am thankful they are in a good Assisted Living ( yes..I found the place and got them there) But I do everything else. I have the POA on all their accounts. I ask him for help to call the lawyers, but he never does it..It is my responsibility. I just cannot understand him at all at these times. He only lives a 6 hour drive away...When OUR parents had the car accident and in the hospital..He never came...then he went on a beach vacation with his family. He says..I have the parents and he has the kids. ( I am divorced and never had children of my own..2 misscarriages, but no living children) He seems to be mean to me these days. I just let it roll off my back and pay him no mind at all. I am in good counseling now too and she says the same thing..Let it go with your brother...but she does think I should take the money my parents are offering as it is their way of saying "Thank you" when they are still alive. It is a shame what happens to sibblings at the time of crisis. I guess you find out the true colors.

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I think you should take the money and if they are able, take a nice 3-4 day vacation with them to somewhere you can all enjoy together as a thank you to them. They feel that you are deserving of the money and I am sure they believe you are responsible enough to do right with the money. It is not wrong to treat yourself. Take enough for a trip for 3, and maybe even a day at the spa with mom and put the rest in a rainy day type fund... so you have it for an emergency. You can always tell your brother that the money is for your parents. Sadly no matter what when money is involved there are always going to be "waves" so be in for a little bit of a ride.
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Your brother has his priorities, unfortunately there's nothing you can do about it.

Take the money. You are the caregiver and I would imagine that you have given up quite a lot to care for your parents. I would imagine that you have also made financial sacrifices along the way as well. Most of us do. If your parents are in a position to give it then take it and thank them for their generosity. If the offer of that money hangs out there too long something may come along and it will be gone. There's nothing wrong with accepting it.
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Take the money. He said "I have the kids and you have mom and dad". He has basically told you his time with his family is equal to your time with your parents. So, take the money. But be prepared for him to "suddenly" care.
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Thank you all...OH..I WISH...I could take a few days off and take my parents on a mini vacation. But they are not in good shape at all...It would be impossible to do this. I am going to set up an account in my name and my Mom's...that is what she wants and only use it for emergencies. This way they will feel better I 'took' the money. My therapist also said this is a way for them to give back to me for all the care I have done. I also took 3 months off of work after the car accident with no pay either. My employer has been good to me and understands. So in a way, it is to make up for my lost pay checks too. This is going to be a bumpy ride, but I am prepared. Got my seat belt on !!!
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Take the money! My brother does very little (calls my mom once a week at my insistence) but he was a good enough person to tell me to have the will redone and to give all of my parents' inheritance to me. I've cared for mom for 13 years and my dad for 9. So I'm fine with getting what's left. I've given up a lot to care for my folks. I would have done it whether I had anything coming from their estate or not...but I'm certainly glad I'll have something. My brother is set financially, so he doesn't need it like I do. Take the money!
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It's unanimous....please take the money. However, this will be a gift and could create a penalty period should they need Medicaid. So invest in in a safe place for 5 years. Five years gets you past the look back period, if they need it for their care, give it back, if they do not, spend it on whatever pleases you the most. It is sad to accept money from a difficult situation, but this is meant as a show of love from your parents. Spend it on something you will remember fondly and for a long time.
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Am I the only one here who thinks 6 hours is not "only" ?? Yes he should come more often.. and I agree you should have the money.. but 6 hours is an entire weekend! You could not just pop in and visit and go home! does he and his family have a place to stay if he visits?
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I would take it and put it away in case they need it. I would not spend it until they are gone, and the funeral bills were paid.
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I agree the money is yours but not till the 5 year Medicare look back period is over.
it is wonderful to hear for once that parents are appreciative enough of a daughter to want to reward her for the sacrifices she has made.
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Beautiful to see parents that are showing their gratitude and a daughter who thinks about them before running to the bank.
Nice to see!
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Take the money. AND take some of it and some time for yourself. 24 - 48 hours without you will not hurt them... and a mini vacation... (like a drive to a nice quiet bed and breakfast in the country or a weekend retreat ) is going to do you wonders. Nothing lavish..just 48 hours of rejuvenation. As for your brother, like someone else said.. he has different priorities, and your parents are not included. I used to drive 4 hours one way to visit my mom almost every Sunday. I would leave at 5 in the morning, get there between 9 and 10... have lunch, visit with her and then drive back. I miss her.. and don't have any regrets about those Sunday drives. Keep the money... spend a little on yourself... you deserve it and your parents think so too. Don't negate their gift to you... I'm sure they would be delighted to know that you did something good for yourself with a little bit of that money... Good luck to you.
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Yes. he, they have a good place to stay..either my home or my parents home. It would have to be a long weekend...Like take a Friday and Monday off. But he can do he drive by himself. He did it once before and he said it was so enjoyable with no kids in the car. I am just going to put the money in their account and use it to pay their bills. I don't think they are going to last 5 more years, but who knows? Right now, too much monies to be on Medicaide anyway.
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This brings up a question for me. Isn't it ok for people to gift their children or grandchildren up to $10,000 a year? If they do that and the children spend it, and then say 4 yrs. later because of medical bills or whatever, they need medicaid. If the money was given freely as a gift and not specifically to qualify for Medicaid by "spending down" their assets. Isn't that allowable? Hope someone has the answer. I am asking only hypothetically, but in my mind, I'm thinking, if it's gone, it's gone and they can't get blood from a turnip.
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GetnStrong, It is OK for anyone to gift anyone as much as they want. Under a certain amount, you have no tax penalty. Above that amount it is still OK, but you pay a tax.

However the IRS and Medicaid look-back are 2 different things. Medicaid is a financial need program, so when you apply they look back 5 years and whatever gifts you made create a penalty period. Each state has a formula, so you give away $5000 or $100,000, or you sell a house to your son for under market value, the value of these gifts is applied against a formula that accounts for the daily cost of medicaid, the state then imposes a penalty period to the elder during which they are not eligible for medicare. So, the lesson is, if you are going to be old and generous, make sure whomever you bestow your generosity upon has your back if you need it,
You cannot get blood from a turnip, but the State does not have to subsidize the turnip either. This look-back period was instituted because people were shifting assets at end of life to become instant poor and eligible for medicaid, hence taxpayers were subsidizing inheritances.
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oops i said medicare, i meant medicaid
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