My parents want to change up their will to give me more money. Any advice? - AgingCare.com

My parents want to change up their will to give me more money. Any advice?

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I have said no to this. I am the caregiver for my parents,taking care of all their finances, their home. They are i Assisted Living now..but still I am the caregiver. I have only 1 brother. He has distanced himself big time. He could drive down and visit--only a 6 hour dirive, but he is "to busy with his work and family" So it is just me and I do it with a happy heart for my parents. My parents are coming into a little bit of a settlement..about 10,000 and they want me to have it. My brother knows about this settlement and I do not want to make "waves" with him. He basically has done very very little for them. Should I take the money..what I will do is just hold it in case my parents need it. I do not want to spend their money on myself. But I do not want my brother to get it either. He was always a good brother until my parents went down hill fast due to a car accident--not their fault. He has distanced himself and only calls them 1 or 2 times a month.. I am thankful they are in a good Assisted Living ( yes..I found the place and got them there) But I do everything else. I have the POA on all their accounts. I ask him for help to call the lawyers, but he never does it..It is my responsibility. I just cannot understand him at all at these times. He only lives a 6 hour drive away...When OUR parents had the car accident and in the hospital..He never came...then he went on a beach vacation with his family. He says..I have the parents and he has the kids. ( I am divorced and never had children of my own..2 misscarriages, but no living children) He seems to be mean to me these days. I just let it roll off my back and pay him no mind at all. I am in good counseling now too and she says the same thing..Let it go with your brother...but she does think I should take the money my parents are offering as it is their way of saying "Thank you" when they are still alive. It is a shame what happens to sibblings at the time of crisis. I guess you find out the true colors.

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oops i said medicare, i meant medicaid
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GetnStrong, It is OK for anyone to gift anyone as much as they want. Under a certain amount, you have no tax penalty. Above that amount it is still OK, but you pay a tax.

However the IRS and Medicaid look-back are 2 different things. Medicaid is a financial need program, so when you apply they look back 5 years and whatever gifts you made create a penalty period. Each state has a formula, so you give away $5000 or $100,000, or you sell a house to your son for under market value, the value of these gifts is applied against a formula that accounts for the daily cost of medicaid, the state then imposes a penalty period to the elder during which they are not eligible for medicare. So, the lesson is, if you are going to be old and generous, make sure whomever you bestow your generosity upon has your back if you need it,
You cannot get blood from a turnip, but the State does not have to subsidize the turnip either. This look-back period was instituted because people were shifting assets at end of life to become instant poor and eligible for medicaid, hence taxpayers were subsidizing inheritances.
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This brings up a question for me. Isn't it ok for people to gift their children or grandchildren up to $10,000 a year? If they do that and the children spend it, and then say 4 yrs. later because of medical bills or whatever, they need medicaid. If the money was given freely as a gift and not specifically to qualify for Medicaid by "spending down" their assets. Isn't that allowable? Hope someone has the answer. I am asking only hypothetically, but in my mind, I'm thinking, if it's gone, it's gone and they can't get blood from a turnip.
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Yes. he, they have a good place to stay..either my home or my parents home. It would have to be a long weekend...Like take a Friday and Monday off. But he can do he drive by himself. He did it once before and he said it was so enjoyable with no kids in the car. I am just going to put the money in their account and use it to pay their bills. I don't think they are going to last 5 more years, but who knows? Right now, too much monies to be on Medicaide anyway.
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Take the money. AND take some of it and some time for yourself. 24 - 48 hours without you will not hurt them... and a mini vacation... (like a drive to a nice quiet bed and breakfast in the country or a weekend retreat ) is going to do you wonders. Nothing lavish..just 48 hours of rejuvenation. As for your brother, like someone else said.. he has different priorities, and your parents are not included. I used to drive 4 hours one way to visit my mom almost every Sunday. I would leave at 5 in the morning, get there between 9 and 10... have lunch, visit with her and then drive back. I miss her.. and don't have any regrets about those Sunday drives. Keep the money... spend a little on yourself... you deserve it and your parents think so too. Don't negate their gift to you... I'm sure they would be delighted to know that you did something good for yourself with a little bit of that money... Good luck to you.
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Beautiful to see parents that are showing their gratitude and a daughter who thinks about them before running to the bank.
Nice to see!
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I agree the money is yours but not till the 5 year Medicare look back period is over.
it is wonderful to hear for once that parents are appreciative enough of a daughter to want to reward her for the sacrifices she has made.
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I would take it and put it away in case they need it. I would not spend it until they are gone, and the funeral bills were paid.
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Am I the only one here who thinks 6 hours is not "only" ?? Yes he should come more often.. and I agree you should have the money.. but 6 hours is an entire weekend! You could not just pop in and visit and go home! does he and his family have a place to stay if he visits?
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It's unanimous....please take the money. However, this will be a gift and could create a penalty period should they need Medicaid. So invest in in a safe place for 5 years. Five years gets you past the look back period, if they need it for their care, give it back, if they do not, spend it on whatever pleases you the most. It is sad to accept money from a difficult situation, but this is meant as a show of love from your parents. Spend it on something you will remember fondly and for a long time.
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