Follow
Share

Mother is in hospice care. Stepfather is very ill. They do not have a will. Beneficiary on everything is each other. I am caregiver for both. How do I get my name on accounts and have beneficiary changed? If my mother passes, it all goes to my stepfather. If stepfather passes, I assume his next of kin will inherit everything.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Do you mean they WISH their belongs are left to each other?

Or do you refer to 'intestate' laws? Where assets usually pass to next of kin, in an order set by law. Usually in order of legal spouse, recognised adult children, siblings.

"How do I get my name on accounts and have beneficiary changed". You don't. It is bestowed on you IF they wish it, have capacity to decide legal matters & sign legal paperwork.

Tread with care. Coersive behaviour of vulnerable people & elder financial abuse are serious matters, as they need to be.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report

Each state has laws that guide the distribution if people die without a will.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report

I just answered your other post, about your dysfunctional situation, and here you are now saying that you're already caregiving for the both of them where in your other post you asked if you should move in your parents hoarded house to care for them.
I hope that you're not wanting to now care for them because you think there will be some type of financial gain for you to do so, when it's all said and done, as that is just as messed up as this whole situation you're in.

And to answer your question, you cannot get your name on any accounts, unless your mom or stepdad allow it. And then you must account for everything that goes in and out of said accounts.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
JoAnn29 Jun 12, 2025
My name was on my Moms bank acct and I did not have to acct for every penny. Her bank statement showed it coming in and going out.
(6)
Report
See 1 more reply
Don't make assumptions. I was curious about this scenario so I did a search for my own state. In MN: if my Mom passes first, her estate will be SPLIT between her biological and adopted children and her current husband. Once her husband passes after her, all that is left will go to his biological and adopted children and NOT to his step-children. If step-father passes first, then the reverse is in play: estate is split between his surviving wife and his bio and adopted children. Then when she passes, only her bio and adopted children are inheritors. But the laws of succession differ by state so you can do an AI search for info specific to your parents' state of residence. Without a Will and if their assets and possessions are such that probate is required, then someone can step up to apply to be the Executor and eventually Personal Representative -- but there are forms to file and fees to be paid if you do this yourself. I'm in that process right now, but with an attorney because it is happening long-distance in another state. Regarding adding any names to their bank accounts or beneficiaries, it doesn't sound like they have legal capacity to do that now, but an elder law attorney could assess them for this, and your parents would need to want to do it, they cannot be coerced. Attorneys also assess for coercion.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Geaton is correct. How an estate is divided goes according to state law.

HOWEVER, if there is ONLY the one account, and it is co-owned by the mom and her husband, then everything in that account will belong to the remaining party.

If you are the caregiver here you are missing a caregiving contract. See and elder law attorney. If Mom and stepdad are competent things can be changed. If they no longer are competent then things can't be easily altered, but you should be POA if that is the case, or guardian of at least you mother. You need to see an attorney to work out the options in your own unique case here.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Reading this saddens me. Many are afraid to put beneficiaries on accounts and other finances. This only leaves children in a frantic state, feeling angry and helpless.
In actuality, this is extremely helpful to aid in care for their parents. This gives them a degree of control . The POA is like gold when you have to go to the bank or as a matter of fact do anything.
i have so learned when I had my husband’s POA and tried to close an account with only a $1000. I was there for 2 hrs.and had an appointment.
I am not sure what paperwork you may have signed for Mom to be in a SNF and now hospice. Is she on MEDICAID? If there are no beneficiaries on her half of the estate, then it belongs to Medicaid. You really need a Medicaid elder lawyer for Dad and like yesterday . hustle my dear hustle !!
Arbitrary forms are dangerous .. they make you financially liable .
Helpful Answer (4)
Report
LaurieEV Jun 15, 2025
So if my mom dies in a Nursing home and is on Medicaid, they will take her savings account?!
(0)
Report
See 2 more replies
Please consult an estate lawyer asap and explain your situation.

Normally when’s there’s no Will or Trust, the estate goes through Probate Court, and some point the next of kin has first rights.

’I wish you the best…’
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

Trying, are either of them able to go to the bank with you and put you on the accounts as a joint account holder? That's what I would try to get done, this allows you to use their money for their needs and, hopefully, for you to get some return on what you paid from your own pocket.

This sounds like such a terrible situation for all of you. May The Lord give you strength, guidance and wisdom to do what you are doing. Remember to keep an eye on your own health and well-being while you walk this path.
Helpful Answer (5)
Report

under @FunkyGrandma59 post, @Trying2x you said "$15k to set up the trusts and deed transfers etc…"

Have you verified this with your mom's attorney? I know each case and each state can be very unique, but we had ours set up for way less than that just a few years ago. I would suggest verifying it first with her attorney and if that is true, maybe that attorney could advise you on how to take the funds from their portfolio since it is for their benefit and he is familiar with them. Perhaps they took care of all these details at that time.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Isthisrealyreal Jun 15, 2025
KPW, years ago we were quoted 12k to restate our Trust. It was highway robbery but, it happens and people do get charged these criminal rates for this type of work. It's predatory against the senior population and people need to speak with multiple attorneys and I, highly, recommend using a certified elder law attorney, they are the best trained and in my experience, cheaper because you aren't paying for their education.

Elder law is the new feeding frenzy for unscrupulous attorneys. Be aware everyone and due your due diligence.
(2)
Report
See 1 more reply
You can not get your name on their accounts or change the beneficiary.
Only your mother could do that. Or your stepfather.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

I can't imagine the anxiety and stress this situation is causing you. I remember when my dad was palliative but still able to remain at home before going into palliative hospital care, he had a large bank account in his name only so we (my brother and I) wanted it to pass over to my mom when he passed. Dad was only able to draw an x. He could not sign anymore. He had cancer. So we asked a representative from the bank to come to our house to witness my dad's wishes of passing the account onto my mom. Helps even more if somebody at the bank is familiar with him or mom. Don't worry. I think you'll find a resolution to this.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

I had similar issues because my parents never had a plan. Life would have been easier for their daughters if good decisions were made before their health issues reached a crisis stage.

I would consult an elder care lawyer to see what can be done. That’s what my family did.

If I can get through this, you can too. Best of luck,
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

You have to go to Orphans and Wills in City Hall and do a Petion of Probate to have them grant letters open an Estate account for their assets. It's a pain, but unfortunately the money is not just handed over to the next of kin. I am the only child and for the past few months, I have been going through a ridiculous process. Good Luck and be patient. If you call and report your parents death to the bank, they will freeze the account immediately. FYI, you will have to pay out of your pocket if stop payments are deposited.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Jdjn99 Jun 18, 2025
The next of kin IS the spouse
(0)
Report
Trying2x: Retain an attorney.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Call an Elder Law attorney. Both are in a position they cannot legally sign a document. Had a brother try to change documents at my father's bank and it was illegal since had dementia. Very tough situation but the attorney will hopefully be able to help you.
Helpful Answer (4)
Report

Honey, that’s the way it should be . They are married. If they wanted you to have it , they’d have written a will
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter