Parents are angry that I cancelled plans to have them stay with me for a long weekend. Thoughts?

Some of you here are virtue signalers - go do it somewhere else! "Grow up" is a nasty thing to say to someone who didn't CHOOSE to be a surgeon, nurse, or dental assistant - you DID!

Ellen, how are things going between you and your parents? Has their anger cooled off?

I would question why you are so triggered by their response - or surprised? Look at how you feel about yourself and your convictions. If you know you are doing what is best for all concerned, I believe you wouldn't react to their comment / reaction as you are. And, look at what your expectations were - are? They are triggering something in you from your past (I believe).

Unfortunately, many do not believe in wearing a mask or perhaps that the CV is even real or that they could get it (people are in a psychological and emotional bubble of denial). Most people I mention this to on the street react in verbally abusive ways, anger, or a 'who cares' or a 'uh, what, . . . why?' response.

It stings . . . due to the stupidity and ignorance.
Do they watch 'the news' - the trump news or the real news? Do they really know what is going on? Perhaps they do not know how serious this is - to them.

Self healing takes practice in figuring out how to do it. And, like mercury in an OLD thermator (sp?), it slips and sides and isn't easy to get a handle on it 'for keeps.' Each situation requires a new moment of awareness, i.e., stop, takes some deep breathes, repeat an affirmation (plan ahead and create them), call a supporter friend, go for a jog/exercise, meditate, pray to whatever or whoever works for you.

If they 'don't get' it that you are acting out of love and caring, I would give them room to sort it out. I would not recommend you beat your head against that wall; it will only hurt you and keep you stuck. If there is dementia involved, understand it - get some distance from it, knowing what you can and cannot do in terms of creating awareness in another.

I applaud you for your considerate behavior. Given the fact that older adults are at increased risk for contracting the virus, and your husband's working in a hot spot, it was the prudent decision. Have you asked them how they would feel if they were exposed to the virus and then became ill? I can understand their disappointment over not visiting; I don't understand their childish reaction.

Imho, YOU get to decide what is best for this dynamic in light of the Novel Coronavirus.

P.S. Would it be better that instead of cancelling - you are just postponing their coming.

My husband taught me a very important lesson in life. (1)Make wise decisions and (2) you don't have to explain yourself to everyone. Out of respect for your parents would be an exception. Love takes on different "hats" and you must protect them. Find other ways to show your love. The most important thing is that we don't over react. Where I live, there are more people who ignore the covid virus than those who know it is real. When you are you cannot always see things. My Father-in-Law, never did believe we landed on the moon. Love is kind but also wise. Kick pain in the rumple-seat. You know what is best.

You don't say where your parents live, do they live in an area with a lower rate of infection than NYC? NYC is only in Phase 1 of the re-opening (June 22 is when it moves to Phase 2). Your parents are in the high risk group. It is best that they don't come into contact with someone who's in continuous contact with NYC for at least another month, assuming that the covid numbers stay good for another month. It is safest to wear a mask around them, and do a temperature check before you see them. To be more sure of the safety, you and your whole family could get covid tests before you see them. It took me a few days to get the results back from my personal doctor.

The only time I get angry is when you don't do what I want you to do. Having said that, it is on them! You are a grown child and free to make your own decisions. I know it is hard, but try to not think about it. I am sure you have people who love you unconditionally in your life. Do something for one of them to get your mind off parents.

Simply make the best decision for all of you (you already know what that is. They don't need to agree. They don't need to be happy. They simply need to understand the words "Sorry, but no, not now". You don't need perspective so much as backbone to tell it like it is, gently and firmly.

Your house could potentially be a breeding ground for covid with hubby in and out all the time. Have you told them that because he has to work, he can be exposed any day he is around coworkers?

They probably are angry because of the loneliness this covid thing has created. They anticipated getting out of the house for a visit with you and then let down. This has been very hard for the elderly. Just keep telling them you don't want them to get the virus, your husband has to take chances in order to earn a living, and you certainly don't want them to end up in a hospital on a respirator.

Perhaps you could get tested for the virus and wear the mask, don't be in close contact with hubby until the results are back and then you go to visit them. Don't get close to them while in their home, wear your mask when in the same room and everyone wash hands often. They might feel better just to see you in person

You have not lost good judgment. You are protecting them. Maybe send them a letter explaining that you and your husband made this decision out of concerns for their health... and out of love. Let them know that you miss being with them, but would miss them more if they succumbed to this disease.

I would simply tell them that you feel you are acting out of love given the best information you have. Also tell them that you would find it extremely difficult to forgive yourself if they got sick after they visited you. So - who is being selfish??

They probably do not understand the full effect of exposure to themselves. You are making the right decision.

I am so sorry... for you mostly. I get it. Parents sometimes cannot act in the best interest of others... even their own children. And sometimes this is due because they are in the throes of dementia. Is this the case with your parents? I have had to deal with may patients who are definitely suffering from a form of dementia but have not ever been diagnosed. I have worked in home healthcare as a nurse but mostly as home health aide and you cannot make/force a patient to go see a doctor so we come upon patients/clients all the time who clearly have dementia but not been diagnosed. And then the patient refuses to go see a doctor, still driving as one client of mine, 92 years old, I was passenger in his car FOR ONE DRIVE and after that, I told my agency he was running stop signs.. speeding on the interstate... new dents in his car all the time and he stated someone was running into his car. Finally, after I HAD to stop taking care of him, he totaled his cadillac. On the interstate, ran into a car parked on the side of the road. He was slightly injured. Just turned around and bought another car! With more caregivers. Well. YOU are doing the right thing. Don't try to reason with them. With dementia patients... you can NO LONGER reason with them. Even if they DON'T have dementia or not been diagnosed... they don't want to hear. Nope..you have to keep your OWN sanity by not listening to their rants. GOD bless.. I feel for you.

I probably can't improve on some of the previous answers.
You are entitled to make decisions that affect you. If your parents (or, anyone else for that matter - siblings) choose to not accept your decision - they need hold the bad feels - not you.

You did the right thing. Some folks, including our daughter, want to ignore the true facts. They don't want anyone to tell them what to do. Be glad you stood firm for everyone's well being.

When you believe the world revolves around you, planets charting out their own orbits just seems wrong. You are so incredibly NOT selfish on this, but don't spend too much time explaining it. Point out the astronomical rise in new cases, hang up, and rnjoy a quiet weekend.

Maybe they watch Fox News and have the impression that it is a hoax or just like the flu. It is a great time to educate them so they can protect themselves

One thing that has confused people and foiled many plans is that each state (sometimes counties) have needed to set their own restrictions. While the CDC gives broad strokes of recommendations for the country, the localities need to apply it to their community's situation. Could this be part of your parents' misunderstanding? If their area is opening quite a bit, they could be having a difficult time understanding just how bad NYC could still be. Sometimes parents just stay angry though. My mom is still mad that "I" won't let her drive. The doctor was going to report her if she drove after her multiple central strokes.

They need to watch more News on the Covid19, Different than the Flu we have now. They are being stubborn mules as many Elderly tend to do. Ignore them, As I tell my sister about Bad Dad.

They know some day you may regret it as we all have with our own parents and know our children will too when we are in heaven and only have our memories now when they were here on earth and we use to be able to hug them not just visit a grave or recall an old special memory, Please somehow find safe time away from Covid for them you will glad you did and find out more about your history!🏃🏽‍♀️😇✝️👨‍👩‍👧

The phrase "Grow up" springs to mind. Sounds like they're acting like toddlers.

You made a choice that you thought was best. Unburden yourself from the good opinions of others. They will get over it.

JoAnn, masks aaaargh! I carry one in a plastic bag in my purse, but if a place requires it, I may go somewhere else, or on back home; that's how much I hate them! I have friends who have to wear them at work, and they REALLY hate them. Can you imagine a mask for 8 hours?

I will assume you live in NJ? I live in SW Jersey. Where have your parents been? The Counties near the NY border were hit hard. TG here in the South we didn't have as many cases. This is what is happening with the States now opening up, people think its now safe. At 70, I go out very little, one reason, I hate the masks. Never could stand my mouth and nose covered. I will be taking baby steps.

If your parents can't look at this as you are only thinking of them, that's their problem. Your reasoning is a good one. Let them be mad, they either will get glad or they won't.

Angry because you are being responsible and doing the right thing?

Sounds like you dodged a little bullet there.

Unless they have total dementia, both of them, they should be able to understand the severity this virus has over the elderly (and I, at 63 am considered 'elderly'--one of my kids kept away from DH and I for a MONTH)….and just wearing a mask in the house isn't enough. You would have to be wiping down surfaces, cleaning and cleaning the whole time they were there--and with a mask on! It just isn't feasible for many reasons.

My mother gets mad at me all the time and I often don't even know about it until much later. I have learned (as a coping mechanism) to simply listen to her when she complains and validate that she has an opinion and then do what I feel is right, regardless of what she thinks. Yes, she'll sulk and be a little petulant, but it is what it is.

One more vote that says you're doing the right thing.

If they have dementia, there is no reasoning with them. Complete focus on what they want versus considering other perspectives is an early "canary in the coal mine" I think. If they don't have dementia, then tell them to grow up and shut up. So much bad behavior. If they act like that, no wonder you don't want to be cooped up with them. One thing I have learned is not to expect much gratitude for doing the right thing, especially from parents. They often still want to call the shots long after the kids are grown up. You can agonize and stress over what to do, finally make the right decision for you and hopefully for them, and they are angry because they did not get what they want. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Use this as a learning experience. Unless you want to do their bidding in the future, don't cave now and tell them clearly what you expect from them. If they want to sulk, fine but I would not put up with it. There will be more things in future they won't want to do; so try to stop feeling guilty about not doing what your parents want. We are conditioned to that from an early age but you can learn new behavior. Good luck.

I think THEYVE lost perspective.

Are your parents generally unreasonable like this?

They're disappointed, understandable. But angry for not getting their way? Do not accept it. In fact call them out on it. Your house - you accept house visits when it suits YOU. When you feel safe. For your own protection + theirs!

Ensure they understand they cannot visit you at all if they have any symptoms.