What do you do when your parent doesn't trust and seems to forget you and your siblings and gets the idea to change her DPOA to a "friend"?

Where does your mom plan to go in 30 days? Your house? If you can't care for her you need to notify APS and probably an elder law attorney to inform them you won't be able to care for her when the 30 days are up.

If your mom plans on living with this "friend" person you know as well as I do that that's not going to work. Being sympathetic and trying to be helpful is one thing, having someone with dementia who is not family actually living in your house is another.

Your mom can be uncooperative all she wants but if you can't have her living with you you need to speak up soon.

And since your mom has dementia she unfortunately no longer has the capacity to choose who she wants for her POA. I think it should stay in the family, with you.

Guardianship is one way to go but it's very expensive. If you can afford it, it might not be a bad idea since your mom is running around trying to make all kinds of decisions.

Well if Mom is getting out, her DPOA can come and get here. Stay out of it, mom has made a bad decision and she needs to enjoy the consequences. No you will not get Guardianship after an abuse complaint. Do not pick her up, she will only come back and accuse you again. Advise the ALF you are not picking her up and refer them to the DPOA. Advise APS the same.

Pamstegman and Eyerishlass, I am the daughter/only family member who can help, and I AM the DPOA. She is inconsistent with her perceptions of who is trustworthy and seems to forget my character. She has an extremely high anxiety, depression, and at times, frustration level that comes out to whoever she gets on the phone or in the halls of her facility. Most recently she spoke with two different DHHS reps who were in the facility to see some residents who were on their caseload. She claimed I was stealing from her and tried to find out how to get out of the AL. The director of the facility passed this info on to me. He thinks I should go for guardianship but that option doesn't look great to me after some investigation. Even though her first POA document named me for that job (if it were ever needed), she revoked it and then went to a new attorney a few months later to get me back as DPOA and that attorney didn't happen to mention guardianship at all in her document (unbeknownst to mom). Interference from her friends is part of my problem in managing her care. They seem to be coming around to understanding mom's needs better now, but they still don't mind their own business when they visit her and I am 1,200 miles away because mom didn't want to move away from her hometown. I've spoken with the friends, but some people are just meddlers and offer opinions and advice at times that they believe to be helpful no matter what you say to them privately to get them not to do that with mom.