Papa finally in a NH for “Rehab” - He has Parkinson’s and early stage dementia. Should I push back on visiting because he’s new there?

My MIL's facility just put a ban on all visitors (in MN) but they assigned a staff member to do FaceTime calls for residents. The timing for your dad is unfortunate but it will allow him to adjust better since he won't be "reliant" on your visits. Does he have a phone in his room? Ask them about FaceTime calling. In this weird time you will need to contact them often and don't assume anything -- they are running on all cylinders trying to protect their residents and appease the families.

My LO’s AL is on lockdown, NO ONE IN, NO ONE OUT.

I would imagine that the family whose day was “devastating” would most likely feel worse if their mom were taken y the virus rather than celebrating with them.

The reality is that the age group served by NHs and ALs is the MOST VULNERABLE to catastrophic symptoms, so the best way to address this disease is to avoid it.

I’m very grateful that highest security is available to my LO. She deserves the very best I can get for her, which in this case I AM CERTAIN, is total isolation.

No don’t push back. You actually need to let him acclimate and get settled. Even if there weren’t restrictions because of the corona virus, it wouldn’t be wise to visit him yet. You also need to think of the other residents.

I’m so sorry that you are struggling with this. You can visit later on. It’s for safety reasons that the ban in going on. You will be notified when you can visit. Ask about speaking to him on the phone if possible.

Most residential facilities are forbidding visitors - probably for about 2-3 weeks - since the clients are a high risk group. The only way the virus will get into their population is if staff or visitors bring it. Staff are being well-trained about disease prevention and hygiene. You can't get that with visitors. So, stick with the quarantine. Maybe you can arrange a "window visit", call ahead and arrange for your loved one to be near the closed window. You then talk via your cell phone to him while they see you through the closed window.

How is he doing? Is he able to speak on the phone (I guess not, but you never know)? If the NH is in isolation, I hope they're doing something to address families' needing to communicate more.

I can only imagine your anxiety around this. I felt a tremendous burden of grief and guilt when I “dropped off” my mom at AL. She has Alzheimer’s, but together with our private caregivers, the wonderful place we are in manages very well while postponing the transition to memory care for as long as possible.

As others have said, the nursing homes are restricting visitors to protect their community at large, since the vast majority of them (Papa included) are in the high-risk group for Covid-19 (and all illnesses)

If it’s any comfort to you, we did the same, though not because of the threat of a virus. The first two days after I took Mom to the AL were horrendous. Everything you can imagine with her wanting to come home, following me down the hall, begging to leave, etc. But then the facility suggested that I stay away for two weeks to let her settle in and trust them. They were so compassionate and caring, the director took my hand and looked me in the eye and said, “Jill, we’ve got this. This is the best thing for your mom and she will settle in better without your visits for a couple of weeks.” I couldn’t imagine how my mom was going to get through that. It broke my heart. I left in tears. But I knew that the director had done this with countless families and the residents looked happy and acclimated.

I touched base with the director every day and of course had my caregivers’ watchful eyes on her. Toward the end of the two weeks, the director suggested another week, for a total of three weeks.

Lo and behold, Mom did settle in. It was the absolute right thing to do. It made Mom much less anxious, much more accepting of the fact that this was her home now and she could trust her new friends and neighbors.

I’m not trying to sugarcoat it, of course there were (and still are) difficult days, but it got easier and easier and there’s no question that my entrusting her in their care in the beginning without agitating Mom with my daily visits in those first three weeks helped a lot.

I know first-hand how difficult this is going to be for you, but I think you may find that this is the best thing for your Papa.

I love the suggestion about FaceTime or other video capabilities. Surely a nurse or care partner there can at least show your Papa pictures of you and hopefully even arrange for a video call. Does he have a window that you could have him look out of and see you wave at him if the quarantine extends past the two weeks? Can he manage phone calls with you? Again, maybe after he has the two weeks to settle in.

He will settle in and you’ll get through this. A big hug to you.

Jill

From what I understand, ALL facilities everywhere are keeping visitors OUT of buildings and the RESIDENTS IN - nothing you can do. Use the phone and don't endanger anyone with the virus. Nothing you can do - I have it here too - horrible but that is the way it is.

My friend JUST placed his beloved wife in a Dementia unit,only to be told no visitors are allowed.I suggest that you accept this, and see if you can get on Facetime via a smart phone.I live in Delaware,but I think this situation will be a nationwide law soon. You will only succeed in having your beloved sent elsewhere.Parties are fun and visits -- but can kill innocent old people.All best,Richard Sund

Push back but I don’t see you getting very far. It’s unfortunate but necessary at this time to keep people out of NH.
My sisters NH like I believe all of US NH’s is on lockdown. No communal dining or activities. Residents are relegated to their rooms, and that has to confuse my sister, her dementia won’t allow her to understand why she can’t toodle around in a wheelchair. The boredom will be overwhelming.
Sorry for your situation.

Do not push back. The problem is, that the Nursing Home is look at protecting your father from outside diseases. Be patient, and allow the Nursing Home to follow the CDC guidelines.
Stay well.

Let us weigh the options here...is it better to get the whole nursing home possibly sick from coronavirus when their immune system is already down or is it better to have him lonely for 2 months but you can still call him?! Personally, you don’t have a choice, if NH says no visits, there are no visits.

Just follow the rules for the nursing home. I didn't see my Mom very often and she had no idea if I was there 10 minutes ago or weeks before. Hopefully this virus will be over soon and we could get on with our normal lives. Stay strong.

My mom’s facility started “no visitors”. She is on a secure memory unit, so she has a somewhat limited exposure compared to the rest of the facility which is assisted.

Some people recommend not going the first week or so in a normal nursing home placement situation, I don’t think it would be a good thing to complicate and even compromise his circumstances.

They are providing a service, they should not keep you from your loved one. No Way! They very well should not be unchecked. Maybe you can set up Hospis at home. Demand all records, internal too.

If you stop paying the bill they will tell you to come pick her up I bet.
A person can get. "Dressed out" as if they were going into a clean room.
Its your loved one, helpless and scared. You know that if your person is a "fall risk" then most likely will drug them to keep them quite, not making any problems. They are short of staff and it only takes a little too much Haldol and by, by person.
There maybe decitions that need to be made regarding that person's health, are they going to ignore you?

The family that mother turned 100 should’ve asked permission first. Be glad that this SNF is being vigilant & careful. Don’t fight it & don’t argue w staff about not being able to visit. It has come the time for him to stay there & get adjusted. He’ll do better there & adjust. Hugs 🤗

Thank you to everyone who responded. I’ve talked to him by phone twice, once each day. He’s unable to answer the phone, so someone has to go to his room to make the connection. He’s ok, just scared and lost. He cries, which isn’t like him. Of course, he wants to come home.

This is going to be rough on him, but it will, hopefully, help him settle in, since this may be a permanent placement.

You must follow the rules put in place for COVID-19.

No visits is the norm here now. Too dangerous. One case in a NH, AL or memory unit could be fatal for many. That is why so many in Washington, State passed. They were the elderly in a NH.