Oy. Great Grandfather in law. Any advice?
So, my daughter who has a 2 year old, husband is an hourly worker, calls tonight.
Backstory, her DH'S grandfather, with dementia, lives alone. Refuses care. Goes to senior center. Son moved recently out of state, offered to move his father with him. Elder refused, stated he was going to move his girlfriend from Cuba to NY.
So, GF falls, hurts shoulder Doc says just bruised. GF goes home. Neighbor calls my SIL, says GF can't care for self. SIL goes over, helps him undress for bed.
My daughter gets a call tonight from her FIL. States that his father has broken arm, someone needs to go to ER to care for his father.
My take is that if no one shows up at ER, hospital will determine if GF is safe to return home with no care. And will hopefully set in place a care plan/home healthcare. He is clearly NOT okay on own.
I have advised daughter and SIL to be in touch with hospital by phone, but to refuse to show up, as they have obligations that supercede care of GF.
ANY advice?
11 Answers
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Grandaughter's psych evaluation is today. I'm a retired school psychologist and spent the last 5 year dealing exclusively with children on the spectrum. It's hard to tell with really young children if its "only" a speech delay or ASD. Her play skills look pretty typical for a nearly 22 month old, but she doesn't "call joint attention" (seek to share her excitement or enjoyment). That's what's concerning.
Again, thanks for listening!
case manager.
I can't imagine my DD putting up with this for long. SIL is an hourly worker and will get fired if he misses shifts. DD and Sil's child, my granddaughter, who is almost 2, is not yet talking and is in the midst of an evaluation that I suspect will result in a dx of Autism.
They don't need anything else on their plate right now.
Thanks for listening.
TG they are aware of autism now. So much that can be done, the younger the better. I suggest though, that ur DD read up on the laws in her state regarding Autism and what the responsibilities of the school are. A couple in our district are having a problem with their autistic child being allowed a Service dog in the school. A dog that cost 20k to train. The schools here try to get out of doing what they should so the parents need to know their rights.
He is absolutely trying to manipulate them into caring for his dad.
He made his real feelings very clear by using breast feeding as an excuse for not inviting them to his wedding, he made his bed with those kids and he is about to find out he peed in his own wheaties.
I can't believe anyone could actually ask for help when they have done what this yahoo did, sheesh.
Let us know and give her our encouragement to say no and hang up if he yells 1 word.
Are you asking what do we think or just saying how you handled a situation? Really I agree, if daughter and SIL get involved then they may be held responsible for his care. But, who has POA? If the SILs Dad then maybe he needs to deal with it by phone. Not much your SIL can do if Gpa puts up a fight.
On the other hand though, the man has Dementia and shouldn't be making decisions for himself. Catch 22. Damned if you do damned if you don't.
Because my daughter's Fil is screaming at her over the phone that if his dad dies, it's on her head. Lots of cultural and religious issues here, but we've got a stubborn elder, an adult child who offered his dad a place in his new home ( turned down) and two young adults with a toddler and one income No wiggle room.
I've told my daughter to stand firm and to encourage her DH to do the same.
Thanks!
I guess just refuse to bring him home and let the "system" take over.
Your SIL needs to work, it sounds like, and taking time off will not be tolerated--as he needs the income, right?
Is this girlfriend "real"? I mean, who was there for him when he fell? The gf from Cuba?
Oh, the FIL should be on board and not dragging the "kids" into this. Sounds like there are some people involved--primarily, FIL. He should be in the forefront managing this--your advice for daughter and DH to step away is good. They'd be dragged into this in a hot minute.