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It's not cold but my 98 yo mother wants the heater on. Says space heater doesn't work and resists layering. It's so hot in here I'm sick to my stomach. How do others deal with this?

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We locked the thermostat and closed all the vents in the house except the one in her room and give her warm socks, a fleece robe, a fleece hat, and an electric blanket. My mom will run the heat when it is 85 degrees outside. It was brutal trying to cook or shower but it's better with all the vents closed. We will open them partially during the winter months. I sympathize with you, Sgcinsd!

You could also get her a split system (like the ones in a hotel room) or install a gas heater in her room if you have the funds.
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Just as a matter of interest, ducted air-conditioning (heating and cooling) has largely gone out of fashion where I am. The power drain on the public power system was so high that permission was eventually required to install it, then household economics took over. Room-size units got much cheaper (including to install), and you could heat or cool the living areas in the day and the bedrooms at night (or use a night fan, which is often enough cooling). New houses are rarely built with ducted systems.

Some people are now installing a day-time unit, and switching off their original ducted system unless they have a special need to use the whole house at once. It works out a lot cheaper. We have two single room units, which we run easily on our solar power. We couldn’t run a ducted system on solar power.

It might be interesting to check if a similar change could work to stop the whole house being unbearably hot.

Another interesting ‘thermo’ fact is that our bodies lose heat by radiating to the surroundings. There are cheap low-power wallboard units that don’t do much to warm the room, but have quite an effect on someone sitting close to them because they lose less of their own heat.

Even woven hangings work to block a cold wall with a lot of thermal mass or poor insulation to the outside. That’s how people managed to live in reasonable comfort in those freezing stone castles in Europe in the Middle Ages. They used wall hangings (tapestry or rugs), which they took with them when they moved to another place. A doona in a pretty cover could work the same way, if you could hang it on the wall by the chair. Who says we can't learn from the past?

My engineer DH has a special interest in thermo, which is much trickier than usually understood. Just when you think you understand it all, you learn something new again.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2022
We installed mini split units, after we put a new whole house energy efficient unit in. The change saves us lots of money but, the important thing is the comfort level has increased.

The whole house unit pulls 15 amps the entire time it is running. The mini split pulls 2 or 3 amps consistently.

It is amazing to me that we are still installing inefficient units in the USA.
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My stepdad always wanted every room to be around 80 degrees and we just couldn't work like that. My husband sweats easily but I don't, and even I sweated! I kept telling him to put on more clothes because I couldn't take any more off and still be decent.
We started keeping the dining room cooler and offered him a jacket. We also edged the thermostats down in the community rooms, so after a year of living here (dad's house) we are around 72 most of the time and now ol' dad just puts a sweatshirt on when he gets dressed. It was a long process, but it's definitely better.
I wish I'd thought about the heated clothes. Someone gave me a shirt but didn't have the battery pack and I never bothered getting one.
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One time I went hog wild and purchased a bunch of table-top humidifiers as the house was so dry the cats didn't like being petted due to static electricity.

At first we really like the humidifiers, they came in interesting shapes such as a old train steam engine with the steam coming out of the chimney. I was surprised when I noticed that in one room the steam had left a white coating on the wood furniture, and in my home office the steam left a coating on my plastic 3-ring binders that were in a closet. Getting that white film off was a bear.

Therefore, if you get table top humidifiers be careful of the settings and where you place the humidifier.

My parents had a humidifier attached to their furnace and it worked fine, except when Dad was aging he apparently would forget to clean the humidifier, thus it became moldy.
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Oh yes. My parents home is in Mesa, AZ and I finally won the battle to keep the temp at 75/76 all year round. The caregivers were melting at 80 degrees. In the winter, I close the vent in the room I stay in and open a window (I live in Oregon with my family 1/2 time). In the summer I have am evaporative cooler.
The caregivers will ask my mother "Do you want to pay me to nap or work? would you like a blanket? or hat?" Having made the payer of utilities and the caregiver understand it is her choice, the caregiver goes to the thermostat and makes sure it is on "cool" and changes the temp accordingly.
It is healthier to laugh at the situation than cry or get mad, so I make myself see the ridiculousness of it all. (Think Harry Potter scene where they are handling a bogart - turns into whatever you fear most and "ridiculous" is the spell to turn Professor Snape into an old woman, a spider to one with roller skates. These incidents will keep happening, so we take a deep breath and do the routine again.
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Isthisrealyreal Dec 2022
Rainbow, that's a nice comprise your caregivers have given your parents. 75/76 during winter months is very warm inside in southern AZ. Summer months it's good or better than 80° anyways.
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Get 3 space heaters, 2 huge wall thermometers, and consider the safety of an electric blanket and livestock chicks lightbulb warmer (which also come in black for no light, not just red). The best way to warm up is from the inside, with a warm thermos and warm showers. There are also turtle basking lights but with all light bulbs, don't get more wattage than the lamp can safely handle. Lightbulbs can put out a lot of heat if you can get the ones that do that. A full spectrum light bulb won't heat but because it looks like daylight, it might affect her brain well. Women who can't layer due to arthritis often have no problem with loose leg warmers hats, fingerless mittens and ponchos. Some women who don't like to layer will wear men's part wool long john tops and/or bottoms under their clothes. Depending on safety (elders don't realize when they are burning), she could lean back on a heating pad, too. There are very small lower back heating pads that are rechargeable. Socks block a lot of heat. If she gets clammy, remind her cotton wicks heat out so she'll need to put wool over or under the cotton in order to avoid clammy feet, etc...
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I had the same problem with my mom. She mainly just like messing with things, but did get cold easy. Multiple attempts at talking with her about it did not work. I bought a lockbox on Amazon to go over the thermostat and kept the key. I made sure it was set to a comfortable temp, she had blankets to use, fuzzy socks, & a warm bathrobe. I said nothing to her about the box, she apparently somewhere along the way realized she couldn't get to it, and no more messing with it. We didn't talk about and she just used what I left there for her to cover up with. It was never an issue after putting on the lockbox. Never had to talk about it again.
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I have not read every response here, so apologies if I'm saying something someone else has said, but my husband and I often will wear a fleece hat. Most of your body's heat goes out your head, so a hat and the occasional muffler should keep her plenty warm. Amazing how well that works, and it doesn't take hardly any energy to put them on.

Also, if using a heated throw, place a light throw blanket over the top of it. I did that and found that low was perfect, where before I could barely feel the high setting. Same thing for in a bed...heating blanket with a light cover over the top to keep the heat in.
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Sgcinsd: Perhaps your mother is on blood thinners that make her cold. Nonetheless, multi-generational living has to be satisfactory to all so perhaps your mother will HAVE to wear sweaters. Once my mother went on Coumadin, she wore sweaters, but she had NEVER done so before.
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Geez get the woman a snuggle and turn down the heat. No one can live like this.
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OMG this is what my mother does, too! She stays in just one room but blasts the heat for the whole house!
We haven't dealt with it yet - I had hired someone to put up a wall and move the thermostat but he botched the job and I haven't bothered since - but I'm thinking of getting a "smart" thermostat like we had at our old house. If she understands it, she will change it, but I'll be able to change it back immediately from my phone. And get alerts on my phone. Otherwise, we will just put a lock box over it so she can't mess with it.
I am tired of sweating in my own home!
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#1 Dress very lightly. Elderly are so much colder than we are and need to be kept warm. And I understand them not wanting to layer. It is hard enough to dress and layers are added energy. Since she doesn't want layers, offer lovingly, a blanket (here is a little blanket for your shoulders Mom, I know how you get cold). Or hand or lap warmers, or warmers you can lay across her shoulders after microwaving. There are very cute stuffed aninal looking warmers you can microwave. A good early Christmas gift! She may then be able to tolerate a cooler climate. Lastly, if there is one room you can keep cool that she dorsn't use, as a brief retreat for yourself. Good luck!!
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Elderly persons do not have fat layers that they once did, that is why they always feel cold. To make matters worse they can't thermo regulate themselves much like infancy, it's just a physiological fact. You might have to do as I did with my own mother which was to get a smart thermostat which I can remotely check and regulate. If she complains that is too cold I offer her a choice if layering or another blanket. I have had to tell her she can't afford these high bills any longer, which is a truth. I've tasked other family members with the rules of heating her house. She in addition also wants ALL the lights on day and night but refuses to open the blinds to let natural sunlight in. Again I had to put my foot down. Maybe for me it was easier to do this because my mother physically won't get up to change the thermostat or turn on the lights, she would just scream for whoever was around to do her bidding. As a family we had to get on the same page but my nephew who lives in her house had a hard time telling her no to her requests. I had to put it to him as this, if he wouldn't turn off lights or lower the heat he would then pay for those bills. He then got on board. Unfortunately elderly persons need boundaries too as much as children sometimes. It's very hard but you will have to do it. Best wishes as you go forward.
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Bioman2 Dec 2022
Hi Breezy, the older we are the greater the risk of Cataracts which gives us extreme sensitivity to sunlight so drawn blinds become a must have, has your Mother been checked for cataracts?
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I pick out my 96 year old Mom's clothes every day. She wears a long sleeve shirt and heavy hoodie, pants, and warm socks and a hat. She is still cold. I also bought a heated throw that she loves. I will put my heat up to 69 degrees and thats it.
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ConnieCaretaker Dec 2022
Get her a pair of UGGS for Christmas.........she'll never be cold again.
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My mother is 91...she has a full living apartment that is connect to our home. I simple walk down the hall and open a door and I am in her bedroom. She has a large bath that is handicapped equipped...also a living area for guest and a small kitchen. She also has her on thermostat...I leave it completely up to her what she feels comfortable with as far a temperature setting.
I do pay attention to how she regulates her heat/cooling...sometimes it is an indication that maybe she is not feeling well...sometimes she has forgotten that she raised or lowered a setting...and sometimes she simple tells me something is wrong with the thermostat.
Anyway, if I am over cleaning..having a visit...etc.
I will tell her it is TOO warm for me and we turn it down for a short while...but it feels like the Sahara Desert most days.
She also wears hearing aids...or should I say when she wants to...so the volume of her television is so loud I can hear it clearly in our home...outside our home, etc. Going over I have to either take the remote from her and lower the volume so we can "try" to have a normal conversation or "YELL" to get her to turn down the volume...somedays are exhausting...
BUT if you can, try to make sure they have long sleeve shirts/tops year round...socks and comfortable but safe slip on shoes...and also keep a check on their vital signs...these could indicate a circulator problem making then feel cold.
If all that fails...fix you a cold glass of tea and make them some hot Cocoa. 🙂
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ConnieCaretaker Dec 2022
Here's a great Christmas present you can get her:

blue tooth tv to hearing aids
(copy and paste) https://youtu.be/Sz5E4a9sYp0
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We have to deal with it all year. My FIL keeps the wood stove going even in July. We stay upstairs and close our doors a lot but it is frustrating. He refuses to layer too.
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Has your mother had her thyroid levels checked lately? I'm not a doctor, but I do know that people with inadequate levels of thyroid hormones feel cold much more acutely than those with normal levels. Their own bodies are unable to regulate the proper responses to heat and cold. These people are the ones that you see wearing sweaters in the middle of the summer! If this is the problem, then it's possible that a simple prescription for a thyroid hormone replacement such as Synthroid might be able to solve the problem.
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Breezy23 Dec 2022
As a nurse it is more than likely that because of her age she cannot thermo regulate and thus feels cold. Typically persons with low thyroid levels often feel cold most acutely in their hands and feet but all body coldness does also occur. If her mother has a thyroid issue other symptoms will be occurring also but it doesn't hurt to always have a baseline level taken. Synthroid unfortunately is not a quick fix.
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Sgc, add fats to her diet. When our body processes fats it warms itself.

Avoid fat free anything for her. You can add a slab of butter to warm drinks, use grease to cook her food in, give her a snack of nuts, just anything that has fats.

This is a multi layer solutions situation. So, adding things one at a time will help you find the best solution.

I, also, recommend a far-infared heating pad, you can set the temperature and they are safer on the skin, be sure and cover it to protect it.

You have to take care of you too, whether she likes it or not. She isn't they only one that matters. She needs to realize she needs you and is in trouble if you walk.
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RedVanAnnie Dec 2022
I did not know that about fats. I'll have to think about that for myself! I am usually cold myself.
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Mom and Aunt has the same issues. They refuse to layer clothes. Told them overheated home raises their blood pressure because they both had BP issues and it is true. Their primary doctors gave a temperature to keep house at for the caregiver's info and posted a note beside the controls.

Tell mom you will need to leave because it is making you sick. Sister and I both have issues that are affected by heat so that helped a lot.

Hot drinks help and electric blankets that have an auto turn off but be careful of cords.
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BurntCaregiver Dec 2022
@InFamilyService

What I used to do with homecare clients complaining of the cold is have them get up and walk or even exercise in their chair. That helps is a person is able to.
Also quitting smoking will improve the feeling cold all the time. I always refused to work in houses where the heat was jacked up so high that it made me sick. Put on a sweater.
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Not much you can do to change how a 98 year old feels, their metabolism is slowed, their skin thinner - they feel cold. My Mom was like this and the only thing I could do was open the windows and air out the rooms when she was napping, or in another part of the house. You can open a couple of windows from the top where she won't notice. Also its good idea for all of you breathing that stale air to get a few air purifiers in key areas to filter out dust and impurities.
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I personally have an electric throw ( got it at costco)

maybe after you get her to try it she will like it

my mom was stubborn about putting on more. Would not wear a sweater, robe or layer up with long sleeves … arrggg I understand..

I say , let her be cold if she understands and is just being stubborn
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Give her a hot cup of tea and a heating pad or electric blanket. Explain that she is not the only one that lives there and everyone else is sweltering. Tell her you think this will solve everyone's issues.
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With my 95 year old client we used an electric blanket which shut off after few hours. And was only used when we were there. We some times put a hat on and that helped a lot to. Under shirt's and long sleeve works wonders.
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InFamilyService Dec 2022
I tried those very good ideas but both mom & aunt refused hats & undershirts. I even bought a full slip to go under the thin house dresses they insist on wearing. Both ladies had ample warm gowns, robes & house dresses to wear.
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If you keep the air better-humidified, it will be in the comfort zone. Furnace air is suffocating! If you have an oil radiator, you can place a pan of water on the floor near it; place bowls or bucket of water near your register vents. This should help her feel comfortable. Steam from a running shower brings humidity up. While I wouldn't recommend without supervision, a potpourri pan of water simmering very low on the stove achieves the same comfort level, without that suffocating dry blasting furnace and it smells wonderful (cinnamon, orange peel, cloves, vanilla). Also, provide an electric blanket, fleece or plush if you can find one, they are so cozy.
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Bioman2 Dec 2022
Thank you for highlighting the need to consider humidity which as you know increases with higher temperature.
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My mother wears thick fuzzy socks (with the rubber bottoms), leg warmers, fleece pajama pants, a shirt and a soft sweater every day. When she's in her chair, she has a blanket over her as well. When she complains of being cold, I give her some hot chocolate or warm her blanket in the dryer for a couple of minutes.

She seems to get along okay with all of that and I can deal with the temperature being somewhat warm but not hot.
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InFamilyService Dec 2022
You are so lucky she will wear all that.
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Older people very often are colder than younger folks. Circulatory and other body changes associated with aging contribute to the older person being colder. And, the thinner one is often increases the feeling colder factor. Also limited activity contributes to the person feeling colder.

So, be sure the individual has been assessed by her PCP and PCP has been made aware of the colder experience. PCP can assess for what physical conditions may be contributing to the older person feeling colder. And, the challenge to accommodate everyone in the house can be discussed.
PCP can best decide if the aging person can use for example warming wraps , other devices or not to assist comfort levels while not burning up everyone else. Burning potential is always a risk if a device is not regulated and supervised properly.

It is surely a challenge when the older aging colder person and another female say of menopause age share the same space. Working age adults moving around a lot keeps circulation up and body warmer.

Room temperature control is also a factor when different ages, cultures, physical needs etc share a room.

In schools and other work place settings it has been known that everyone is responsible to address their personal body temp needs by bringing layers of clothing as the room temperature will remain set at whatever temperature setting the building has decided.

Good luck...
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Put a lock on the thermostat and your mother can put on a sweater. Or get her a small, portable table heater that she can use. These go right on a little table next to where the person sits and they provide personal heat to them. Not heat to the entire house. Not even to the entire room.
Let her know that you cannot and will not live in a sweltering hot greenhouse even though she likes it that way. And that if you move out because you literally cannot take the heat (LOL on that pun) she will have to go into a nursing home.
I think the mention of the possibility that you'll place her will be enough to get her onboard with putting on a sweater and layering warm clothes.
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Clairesmum Dec 2022
Suggesting that you will place an elder because of comfort issues seems harsh to me.
The original poster can also adjust her own comfort by wearing layers when visiting her mother.
Someone who is less mobile does get colder easily, and this increases with age and loss of body fat for insulation. Suggestions about layering and using heating devices or electric blankets with supervision make sense.
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Hi,

I listen often to a researcher out of Stanford - Andrew Huberman - and he did a podcast this past year about heating and cooling protocols (it was mainly about cooling the body for better sports performance - but he also touched on heating). Here is a link to the section where he discusses heating the body. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xaE9XyMMAHY&t=3044s

To summarize, we have areas of the body - the face, palms and bottoms of feet with what is called glabrous skin. Warming and cooling those areas most efficiently heats and cools the core of the body. So, to most effectively warm the body, you would get warm socks, gloves and try to warm the face (or just the forehead). They have used this post-surgery, when patients are super cold - as opposed to putting warm blankets all over them - and found great results. I have not tried this, but it's worth a shot.
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Clairesmum Dec 2022
So, warm woolen socks, fingerless gloves, and a warm woolen or synthetic hat should do the job.
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My 92-year-old late mother always had the baseboard heater cranked up full blast all day. I got so hot in our condo place that I placed her favorite beach towel over her on our coach then turned the heat to nearly off. She got mad but I told her it's too hot for me. Old age means the body does not regulate its temperature like it used to.

For myself at 67, with summer fog or those several cold winter days (39 F right now) I now require layers of clothing and cover with a throw blanket, besides. I do not want to see a high heating bill, so I just turn the heat on for a few minutes just to remove the chill.
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This is not in her head. Her body really feels that cold. It doesn’t run well like it used to and she truly uncomfortable. Any tricks like lowering the thermostat one degree at a time aren’t going to be useful.

Get a heated throw or heated blanket for her to use in bed, on the couch etc. Despite claims that these are washable, they really don’t hold up well when washed, so care for them accordingly to prevent spills or damage.

Heated jackets which are battery operated are also effective, but pricey.
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imajwru12 Dec 2022
Love your solution. Its resolving her issues as well as the caregivers. And giving the aged one the dignity of being listened too and making them comfortable. It gives the aged one the decision to layer or not layer and keeps the heating bill down. Individualized care and such an easy solution! Nice.
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