Am I being out of order saying I will be present with all conversations?

Get a Nanny cam and advise the couple it will be on at all times. Be sure there is not a drop of alcohol in the house to keep the visit short.
As for marriage, go through the motions if it makes him happy, but I don't think the clerk can issue a license to someone who is confused.

I would consult with an attorney about marring someone on their deathbed. It changes things legally and could cause some legal issues. At least find out what the ramifications are.

I wouldn't worry about the other people's feelings. Just your partner. If these guest have been violent before, there is no way I would want them anywhere near me or my partner. I guess it's difficult to back out now, though, I think I would. Or, perhaps alert security or a Hospice person to be in the room and explain he has a few minutes before his dad will tire and need to rest.

Of tjere is a way you van arrange to be married go for it. Keep the son's wife pit of the house. Let the trouble making son visit in privacy, bit stay within earshot of the visit.

I would be excited about the marriage proposal too! Can you ask the county clerk for a variance? How do people marry when one of them is incarcerated? There has to be a way.

When they arrive, have some friends over to help you out. Church friends, neighbors, anyone who can help diffuse a situation and just be support and a warm body.

Have they raised a fuss about the wife not being allowed in your home?

Well it is just the ONE son who is out of the Trust. The son from Germany is sweet and very kind to me and to his father. That son, cannot afford to come and see his father. I offered to pay for part of the ticket to get him here.

I have talked to my partner and asked him if he really want the SON WHO HAS ISSUES to visit. He will never say no as it is his son. BUT, he does not want the wife in the house. PERIOD.

My partners feelings are very important to me at this time. I will do my best to avoid any confrontations at this time. But, with my experience with the son's wife, it may mean a call to the police. She is a WORK of art...

My Partner asked me to marry him. I posted on here that I was so excited. AFTER ALL these years...But after careful consideration, I am going to just let it pass. I feel uncomfortable having him make such a decision now. Especially with all the drugs he is on. I love him so much and he loves me. I just want the best for him. I got so excited... I wanted all of you at the wedding. But, after careful consideration...It is more important that I take care of him now... Besides the County Clerk requires us to be both present to fill out and apply for the registration. That is NOT going to happen.

I am in agreement with him on his son's wife. I will tell his son, to come alone. But, I will also lay the ground rules. NO UPSETTING his father under any circumstances. This son hates me so much, there is no telling what he will do. The son and his wife are made for each other...Two off balanced people.

It doesn't sound to me like this son is important to your partner. He's out of the trust, you partner says, "You call him" is it too late to unwind this thing? I don't see what good can come of this visit.

FF makes a good point. Your partner/husband is apparently in the last stages of life. He doesn't need to see or be exposed to family squabbles. The important person here is him, not the son's wife.

Oregongirl, I can understand you wanting to call your partner's children to let them know what is happening to their father. Curious why this son is out of the Trust? If there is such bad feelings that he had been eliminated from the Trust, why is he flying here from Germany? What about the other son? I know there are hard feelings there, too, as per your profile. Is he also out of the Trust?

I would let bygones be bygones and let the son's wife into the house.... just make the alcohol unavailable to lessen having any fuel to start a fight. Remember, this is probably their last chance to see their father and father-in-law. I would let the father and son talk alone. Hope your partner is up for the visitors and conversations.

Could you be outside of the room to give them privacy, but close enough nearby so you would hear raised voices?

I'd try to do whatever your partner wants, but still keep an ear open and be ready to step in (if what partner wants is for you to be out of the room.)

I think the first priority is protecting your fragile partner, not worrying about his son's feelings or any issues of propriety. Nobody has rights in your house except you and your partner. You are being gracious to include his son at this time but not at the risk of your partner's safety and comfort.