Follow
Share

Need some help with extended family issue! Brother and "SIL" (not married - 25 years cohabiting) both hospitalized unbeknownst to extended families. Now we find out SIL, who is suddenly showing signs of severe memory loss, was released from hospital to go home two days ago(!); brother was released today but SIL refuses to care for him in "their" home (she owns it full and clear on her own). Neither is capable of caring for themselves -- SIL has cared for brother for years (epilepsy, other medical problems). We were shocked to learn brother was deemed capable of going home by himself by the hospital as he has not been capable of caring for himself for years; SIL's family took him to "his" home until other arrangements can be made. SIL's family has stepped up to care for her but this is a temporary situation for the brother. What are options for the brother under the circumstances? No POA. SIL's family cannot find financial info in house (SIL not able to provide info). Brother on Medicaid but siblings have no idea of his financial situation other than what's described here. Brother's siblings reside several states away and are not in a position to help long term.

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Please read the book Never Simple by Liz Scheirer. For many years, through her own attempts and with every entity supportive in the State of New York Ms. S. attempted to intervene in the care of her Mother in order to protect her from her own mental illness. And through it all nothing was ever accomplished other than the acute pain of it all, and the lack of answers.
I am assuming we are talking mental problems here and not anything like Alzheimer's in which the state could take guardianship if APS were notified. Generally with mental illness there is some brief 5150 hold, some medications for stablization and a return to the dreadful conditions extant outside of care. I am thankful there is no POA because that person would be helpless in the face of all this, their own lives drawn into the maelstrom.
I would provide APS numbers and what ever other supportive numbers for this couple to call. Other than that I am sorry to say that there may not be any help that you can manage. I hope others have hints you may find helpful, but I have found over the course of 80 years that not everything can be fixed in our current system. We see the results of this on our city streets every day.
Again,APS is there for wellness checks. If either or is capable of decision making in this couple, and makes poor decisions, which it sounds has been their norm, I think you are helpless in this matter. I hope I am wrong.
Helpful Answer (2)
Report

We were getting 2nd/3rd hand info so DH got involved. DH talked to the hospital administration and SIL family. SIL family agreed to take brother back to the house and a home care evaluation will be done. SIL family is staying with them for a few days. Not sure what will happen if SIL and brother are deemed unable to care for each other/themselves, but then again brother seemed much more "with it" than we've heard him in years, so maybe there was some medication issues that got cleared up at the hospital.

We should know more in a few days, but at least we've got clearer information direct from the sources instead of being filtered through others. Still not sure how it will all play out.
Helpful Answer (1)
Report

Thank you for the information, AlvaDeer. It helps give us an idea of what to expect/not expect.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

MO, I think I would try to make contact with the hospital and ask discharge planning if they reported his case to APS and if they have any ideas of who to contact to get him into protective housing of some sort.

BUT I agree with Alva, there may be no good solution here if your brother is deemed competent. As Liz's book demonstrates.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

Well, hang on.

It says that SIL refuses to care for brother. Does she? She's just been found to be suffering from severe memory loss, and I'm not sure how that sits with her "decision" that her 25 year relationship is over and she wants to evict her partner.

That she *can't* care for him, given his long history of medical issues, is a different question. Fair enough, no, I expect she can't possibly manage him. We don't know what he was hospitalized for but it's even possible that neglect contributed (through nobody's deliberate fault).

That her family is not willing to support both her and her partner is reasonable but, again, is a different question.

For her family to turn to his family for support for him is also not unreasonable, but as it turns out does not lead to any practical solutions.

So to stand in SIL's family's shoes: their family member now needs support for her own life in the home which she owns outright, and that doesn't leave room for meeting his care needs. However - that doesn't mean they can decide on her behalf that he's out on his ear.

Is either SIL or brother capable of expressing a preference about anything?

I think the family had better get some professional advice asap. I'd be surprised if the brother hasn't acquired any kind of rights after that length of time, especially if he is considered vulnerable. This is not to dispute the aim of separating them and finding somewhere else for him to live and to be cared for, only it needs to be done in a humane and orderly way and taking both partners' wishes into account.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.
Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter