Frustration, I have cooperative siblings and my mother has financial resources, so I am much blessed. But I can't for a moment imagine caring for my mother, who is wheelchair bound and has some dementia from a stroke. Caring for someone who is generally healthy but frail may be doable, as long as the elder is cooperative. But throw dementia into the picture, loss of mobility? Those are issues so much better dealt with in a good facility. The services come to the patient.
I am an only child also.. my frail mother (mentally pretty sharp at 84) and my 88 yr old dad with ALZ moved in with hubs and I almost 2 years ago. Lucky for us they have money, and we were able to hire a PT CG for the days I work . While it is sad about dad, I am glad we have them here. Not to say I don;t miss our couple time ( daughter had just moved out and we were looking forward to our time) but we get alot in return. They are pleasant, we work together to take care of dad ( he is going downhill mentally but pretty healthy otherwise) and they help out finacially, and around the house. I also do things now I never did before.. like take them to the casino.. kinda fun!.. And they like Costco way more than I do but it's entertaining! Try to look on any bright side you can find!
I am an only child and have moved my father into an old age home. He needs assisted care as he is in a wheel chair and cannot do things for himself. I visit twice a week and fetch him every Sunday. Every second weekend he comes home for the weekend an during this time I have to balance family life as well as take care of his 24/7. He is unhappy as he wants to live at home with us. When he does not get his way he gets nasty, and threatens me all the time. He is always sulking and unhappy about being in the old age home. I feel that I am losing my mind as I cannot balance everything anymore and he keeps on telling me how I threw him away.
I am an only child too. My parents went downhill much earlier than I planned: in their early 70s. It's been awful. They moved me away from all family as a child and they have lived very isolated lives. They have no family, no friends, no church or such support, at all. Just me. I had to move dad into memory care last year. Now I have two miserable people living in two separate locations and somehow I have become responsible for both. My career is full-swing and frankly, at 50, I was hoping to start taking some time for vacations or a hobby at this point in my life. I turn to this site often just to remind myself I am not the only one. Most people my age are still out doing things with their kids and enjoying life. I feel like I am the only one my age with this dark cloud hanging over my head :(
I have not read this entire thread, but first couple pages and last couple. I am also an only. SO glad for the company and understanding on this forum! I too felt alone... no one I know has been in exactly my boat. My friends and my partner have all lost parents and done caring....but they have also all had siblings or nephews/neices of the aged, who cooperated or at least griped togetether! I even felt a little judged and disapproved of, since MY parent seemed to be such a special snowflake. ;)
I joined this forum today and got some frank and direct feedback. Thank. God. I feel hopeful again that I can find my way.
I joined this forum today and got some frank and direct feedback. Thank. God.
I feel hopeful again that I can find my way.