One of four sisters in law on my husband's side of the family is 3 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis. Are siblings financially responsible?

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One of four sisters in law on my husband's side of the family is 3 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis. Are siblings financially responsible?

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Her husband is not the most well man and was recently found to have PAD, an Aneurysm and is on Plavix for the Peripheral Artery Disease. He is still employed in his father's auto paint business, but his father is in his 90s and wants to retire soon, of course. They have 3 adult children, living on their own with their own children. The husband also worked for over 40 years for a grocery store chain. Recently I asked him if he had a pension in place from that company. He said "I was supposed to receive $600 a month from that company, but I lost that document and just signed a notarized document to claim $200 a month." That equates to a $4,800 yearly loss. So my husband comes to me today and says "What happens if Marty (the husband) dies? We (all of my sister in law's siblings) are responsible financially for Cathy's (sister in law with Alzheimer's) care." I responded "No, WE siblings are not financially responsible, but that her 3 children are." If a person hasn't planned for illnesses OR put in place a Long Term Care policy for their own health, why would it divert to the siblings of said ill person? So my question to the forum is - Are the siblings of an ill sister financially responsible/asked to hand over considerable sums of money just because the ill sister has not planned for this? Thank you in advance.

Alzheimer's & Dementia Financial Planning Paying for Care

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WorriedinCali: Yes, thanks.

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Another way to look at it, you could potentially put yourselves in a situation that you would not be eligible for Medicaid if you should need it within five years. That would be considered gifting, and huge amounts with the attached penalties. That is reason enough to just say no.

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gladimhere: That is correct! Thank you for your post.

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JoAnn29: Sometimes you can add a post to the person's reply and sometimes you can't. I know about the private messaging, but thanks.

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WorriedinCali: Thank you so much for your posts - all of them. I wish that the forum allowed replies directly under the particular post. That would make it easier, but I appreciate you!

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They do. Just click onvthe reply to at the end of the post.

You can also leave a message on the posters profile by clicking on their logo (for better word)

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Although your state no longer has filial laws, it might depend on what state your
SIL lives in. I would recommend seeking legal advice, not relying on comments posted here. This applies to any others with questions about this kind of issue, as in SOME states the law allows for seeking recompense (some even can bring criminal as well as civil charges) from *other* relatives AND it depends on what state the person's facility is located in (I found a recent case that refers to PA going after and winning a case against NJ parents of a child in a PA facility.)

For reference, you can see more detail in my reply to bluefinspirit's post dated Dec 9, which also points to the Wikipedia page. But, for REAL advice on issues like this, seek legal counsel. We may feel it isn't our responsibility, but what we feel and what the laws say (or how they are enforced) are not the same.

If BIL has concerns about his ability to pay or what will happen if he pre-deceases his spouse, he needs to see an EC attorney and have provisions set up NOW.

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The OP has said their family lives in the same state-Maryland. And again.....even in states with filial law, It does NOT APPLY TO SIBLINGS. No state in this country can go afternoon *Other* relatives. So these siblings do not need to waste money paying for unnecessary legal advice.

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First of all, gather the family and see an eldercare specialist who can advise you. But, generally speaking, I do NOT think sisters and brothers are responsible for paying for the medical care. But please seek valid legal advice so you don't have problems down the road with Medicare, etc.

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You mean Medicaid. As far as I know, there is no law where siblings are responsible for each others care.

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I agree that siblings are not responsible. I just would add that no one should take ownership of her cars, home, property, etc. without paying fair market value. If she were to need Medicaid, they will do a 5 yr look-back of all of her financials & properties. A Payback might be required before Medicaid kicks in.

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Canyon727: Thank you so much for your post. You're right - Medicaid, if ever an option for this person, must be addressed carefully.

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WorriedinCali is correct. The state of Maryland where my sister in law resides HAS repealed filial laws, which means her 3 adult children are not financially responsible for her care when it comes time for that.

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No one is by law financially responsible, but morally if you can you should. I don’t know all of the specifics but not everyone has the means to save. Some people don’t make much and put everything they make into their families.
what should these people do..?

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Alonnastorm: Thank you for your post.

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I could be wrong but I think this is more a moral question than a legal question.
I don't think even the children can be legally held responsible. *However* - the state and whatever companies are involved, Will try to collect from the family.

We were most fortunate that my father had adequate income to pay for a mobile home placed in my front yard when he was no longer able to take care of himself in his home.

My sisters and I would have assisted him financially because we wanted to - but it was much better that he was financially self-sufficient. I would have lied to him had we needed to help him, but it was much better that he didn't have to call on his daughters. It allowed him to feel like a man; not like a burden on his children. And No, we never thought of my father as a burden. I was thankful that I was able to assist him the way I did.

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the state will NOT try to collect from the children! Do your research people my gosh! The state has REPEALED filial laws. No one is going after the children.

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No. Siblings are not financially responsible for each other

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geoblue: Thank you for your post.

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Disgusted is absolutely correct. Many states do have Filial Responsibility Laws whereby the son(s) or daughter(s) are responsible to financially support their parent(s) if they are unable to take care of themselves or pay medical bills, but they are rarely enforced to any degree. I don't believe there are any laws in any state that would require financial support from a sibling.

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Still a moot point because the OP is a state that has repealed filial laws so filial law is not relevant here. And even in states with such laws, filial laws are rarely enforced and wouldn’t make the siblings responsible!

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Her immediate family should be her children and/or husband. Depending on what her assets are will determine when she would become eligible for Medicaid to kick in and pay for a bed in a nursing home.

And don't be so harsh about people 'who don't plan' for illness. Some did the best they could, on day to day living, with what they had. If it comes down to a sibling getting certain care/help or not getting it, do what you can to assist. Don't do it with a grudge or putting your husband between a rock and a hard place where you and his sister are concerned. Do what you can.

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my2cents: Thank you for your post.

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Everyone seems in agreement that neither siblings nor children are legally responsible. Many families choose to offer support, but, no, they are not legally obligated to do so.

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RedVanAnnie: Thank you for your post.

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You are not responsible. Neither are her children. She is. If she doesn't have the resources, Medicaid or some other state or Govt service would offer support. The family can do so at their option but there is no legal requirement.

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I totally agree with your response.

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With the cost of health care and home care escalating exponentially, no family member should be responsible.

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Jrbgrin: I disagree. Her spouse is responsible.

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Nobody is responsible for her unless she owned property and they are on the title. When my father died my mother was very poor and they tried to get her to pay his credit card but her name wasn’t on it so they couldn’t. Just like when my husband died and the IRS wanted me to pay his taxes due that year but since I didn’t file taxes with him, I was not responsible.

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Even if there is property with the siblings on the title, it doesn’t make them responsible for her in any way.

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Actually legally, no one but a spouse would be responsible. Siblings and chilren are not legally response.

Morally? depends on your belief system and culture/

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Not 100% true. There are about 24 states with filial laws still on the books. Those states CAN legally try to make children responsible for their parents care. Not many have done that (PA was one state that DID do this), but with so many people needing Medicaid assistance for LTC, it wouldn't surprise me that more states will try to enforce this. They do take into account finances of the children, but if they feel they can suck money from them, they can try.

As for siblings, I don't believe there are any legal requirements to help out, only moral and financial ability to help out. If SIL is that desperate, they should apply for Medicaid.

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NO

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TaylorUK: Thank you.

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The answer is obviously no. Do they expect you to help them?

If I had mega bucks I would help because it’s a nice thing to do, if it caused a financial strain for me then I wouldn’t do it.

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NeedHelpWithMom: Thank you. That's what I told DH immediately - "We are not financially responsible to care for your sister." I am sorry that she and her spouse have not planned accordingly, but we can't be expected to hand over mega amounts of money. And why? Because we will need it for our own elder selfs (of which I'm already there at about to turn 73 in January). Yes, the Bill Gates type of person has that kind of money, but the common citizen typically does not - they certainly have bent over backwards for THEMSELVES. [Insert - my DH and I each had a hard fought 45 year full time career - we worked ourselves to the bone!] Thank you for your response.

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💞💞

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If you don’t want to help financially there are many other ways the siblings can help their brother. Moral support. Help with care. Keeping in touch. Asking how are you. Visit. Sitting with the SIL and giving him some time off. Just being there for him.

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PandabearAUS: Thank you for your post. Yes, believe me - I HAVE been helping. I was the one to imply that my brother in law obtain DPOA immediately. They were without clues.

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If she’s in your state, then her children aren’t responsible either. Maryland repealed their filial laws. And have also made it illegal for nursing homes to go after the children.

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No, siblings are not responsible for each others care. The children are not either. There are filial laws in some states that require children to pay towards parents care but from what I have read is it has a lot to do with the income of the children and the situation.

If SIL needs more care than her family is willing or financially able to do, there is Medicaid if she has no money for an AL.

If you are approached by her family to help with financial support, just say that sorry, we don't have the money.

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JoAnn29: Thank you for your post. I'm going with "we don't have the money."

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It is every adult's responsibility to properly and reasonably plan for the eventuality of their aging, failing health and death. Anything less is head-in-the-sand and they should live with the consequences of their choices. No one is financially responsible for the person who hasn't planned. Nor are family members responsible to personally provide any of the caregiving...so don't let anyone bully or shame you into that.

Once when my in-laws were falling apart physically and financially because they were irresponsible their entire lives together, my MIL complained to me one day that "This isn't the retirement I thought I'd have..." to which I pointed out that it was the retirement that they had planned for. Sorry, but not sorry.

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Geaton777: Thank you for your post. I agree - I have planned for my own elder self (even into illness). I don't have the wherewithal to financially take care of a sister in law, unfortunately. The Alzheimer's sister in law has NEVER had a colonoscopy! Her father had colon cancer! She is 17 years past due. No other routine scans done either, even though she knows she's getting ill from eating. I am sorry to hear that your in laws never planned for their elder years. I get the sorry, not sorry.

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I agree with Cali and Tacy.

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AlvaDeer: Thank you for your post.

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You aren’t financially responsible or obligated no matter the circumstances are here.

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worriedinCali: Thank you for your posts. I did not believe that I was, but DH brought up the topic.

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One of four sisters in law on my husband's side of the family is 3 years into an Alzheimer's diagnosis. Are siblings financially responsible?

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