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Her husband is not the most well man and was recently found to have PAD, an Aneurysm and is on Plavix for the Peripheral Artery Disease. He is still employed in his father's auto paint business, but his father is in his 90s and wants to retire soon, of course. They have 3 adult children, living on their own with their own children. The husband also worked for over 40 years for a grocery store chain. Recently I asked him if he had a pension in place from that company. He said "I was supposed to receive $600 a month from that company, but I lost that document and just signed a notarized document to claim $200 a month." That equates to a $4,800 yearly loss. So my husband comes to me today and says "What happens if Marty (the husband) dies? We (all of my sister in law's siblings) are responsible financially for Cathy's (sister in law with Alzheimer's) care." I responded "No, WE siblings are not financially responsible, but that her 3 children are." If a person hasn't planned for illnesses OR put in place a Long Term Care policy for their own health, why would it divert to the siblings of said ill person? So my question to the forum is - Are the siblings of an ill sister financially responsible/asked to hand over considerable sums of money just because the ill sister has not planned for this? Thank you in advance.

It is every adult's responsibility to properly and reasonably plan for the eventuality of their aging, failing health and death. Anything less is head-in-the-sand and they should live with the consequences of their choices. No one is financially responsible for the person who hasn't planned. Nor are family members responsible to personally provide any of the caregiving...so don't let anyone bully or shame you into that.

Once when my in-laws were falling apart physically and financially because they were irresponsible their entire lives together, my MIL complained to me one day that "This isn't the retirement I thought I'd have..." to which I pointed out that it was the retirement that they had planned for. Sorry, but not sorry.
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Llamalover47 Dec 6, 2019
Geaton777: Thank you for your post. I agree - I have planned for my own elder self (even into illness). I don't have the wherewithal to financially take care of a sister in law, unfortunately. The Alzheimer's sister in law has NEVER had a colonoscopy! Her father had colon cancer! She is 17 years past due. No other routine scans done either, even though she knows she's getting ill from eating. I am sorry to hear that your in laws never planned for their elder years. I get the sorry, not sorry.
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If you don’t want to help financially there are many other ways the siblings can help their brother. Moral support. Help with care. Keeping in touch. Asking how are you. Visit. Sitting with the SIL and giving him some time off. Just being there for him.
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Llamalover47 Dec 6, 2019
PandabearAUS: Thank you for your post. Yes, believe me - I HAVE been helping. I was the one to imply that my brother in law obtain DPOA immediately. They were without clues.
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You aren’t financially responsible or obligated no matter the circumstances are here.
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Llamalover47 Dec 6, 2019
worriedinCali: Thank you for your posts. I did not believe that I was, but DH brought up the topic.
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No, siblings are not responsible for each others care. The children are not either. There are filial laws in some states that require children to pay towards parents care but from what I have read is it has a lot to do with the income of the children and the situation.

If SIL needs more care than her family is willing or financially able to do, there is Medicaid if she has no money for an AL.

If you are approached by her family to help with financial support, just say that sorry, we don't have the money.
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Llamalover47 Dec 6, 2019
JoAnn29: Thank you for your post. I'm going with "we don't have the money."
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If she’s in your state, then her children aren’t responsible either. Maryland repealed their filial laws. And have also made it illegal for nursing homes to go after the children.
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It might be better to say that your husband legally not have financial responsibility for his sister, rather than saying you don't have the money. If you just say that he doesn't have the money, then you may be asked questions by the other siblings about your husband's financial situation, which is not really relevant. Since he does not have financial responsibility, how much money he had or doesn't have is not the question. If he were very wealthy, he might want to try to help his sister, but he still would not be required legally to do so.
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Llamalover47 Dec 10, 2019
caroli1: That is correct in the fact that he is not financially responsible - LEGALLY OR NOT - for a sibling.
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Actually legally, no one but a spouse would be responsible. Siblings and chilren are not legally response.

Morally? depends on your belief system and culture/
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disgustedtoo Dec 9, 2019
Not 100% true. There are about 24 states with filial laws still on the books. Those states CAN legally try to make children responsible for their parents care. Not many have done that (PA was one state that DID do this), but with so many people needing Medicaid assistance for LTC, it wouldn't surprise me that more states will try to enforce this. They do take into account finances of the children, but if they feel they can suck money from them, they can try.

As for siblings, I don't believe there are any legal requirements to help out, only moral and financial ability to help out. If SIL is that desperate, they should apply for Medicaid.
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Nobody is responsible for her unless she owned property and they are on the title. When my father died my mother was very poor and they tried to get her to pay his credit card but her name wasn’t on it so they couldn’t. Just like when my husband died and the IRS wanted me to pay his taxes due that year but since I didn’t file taxes with him, I was not responsible.
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worriedinCali Dec 9, 2019
Even if there is property with the siblings on the title, it doesn’t make them responsible for her in any way.
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The answer is obviously no. Do they expect you to help them?

If I had mega bucks I would help because it’s a nice thing to do, if it caused a financial strain for me then I wouldn’t do it.
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Llamalover47 Dec 6, 2019
NeedHelpWithMom: Thank you. That's what I told DH immediately - "We are not financially responsible to care for your sister." I am sorry that she and her spouse have not planned accordingly, but we can't be expected to hand over mega amounts of money. And why? Because we will need it for our own elder selfs (of which I'm already there at about to turn 73 in January). Yes, the Bill Gates type of person has that kind of money, but the common citizen typically does not - they certainly have bent over backwards for THEMSELVES. [Insert - my DH and I each had a hard fought 45 year full time career - we worked ourselves to the bone!] Thank you for your response.
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You are not responsible. Neither are her children. She is. If she doesn't have the resources, Medicaid or some other state or Govt service would offer support. The family can do so at their option but there is no legal requirement.
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RedVanAnnie Dec 9, 2019
I totally agree with your response.
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