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Once again, one of my family members (this time my grand-niece, versus my brother two years ago) is outright, and VOCALLY threatening to report me to Adult Protective Services because our house, that I share with my soon to be 90 year old Mom, that I'm a caregiver for with POA, is not in pristine clean condition. Granted, it does need a good bit of TLC, but we're not hoarders and it's NOT unsafe, either! I need to also mention that I, myself, am disabled (legally since 2004, but have been chronically ill for MANY years prior) and both of my conditions prevent me from doing a lot of the work that needs to be done. Btw, I've hired a cleaning lady who comes every Tuesday.
That being said, can I be "found guilty" of elder abuse just because the house isn't clean? My mom (who has moderate, leaning now towards serious Alzheimer's) is being WELL taken care of, fed on a regular basis, meds given per her doctor's instructions, goes to both her Internist and Neurologist on a regular basis, kept clean, entertained, etc., etc., etc.!!!
The threat ALONE is stressing me out and aggravating, exacerbating my own chronic pain, so any answer (good or bad) would be greatly appreciated! THANK YOU!!!

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Reading this again made me think of a story my daughter told me when she was training for an LPN. One of her rotations was homecare. Can't remember what the living conditions were but I don't think great. R was to give the client a sponge bath in bed. The woman was so heavy she had rolls. She told R that she couldn't find her remote. R found it in a roll of fat. R swore homecare would never be something she ever did.

I worked for Visiting Nurses. We had a couple living in a trailer that was dirty. The hall was just big enough to get a wheelchair down let alone turn it into a room. The man had dropped the phone many times because it was just within reach. Mr head nurse felt it was a dangerous situation and called APS. They found nothing wrong.

Don't think u have anything to worry about.
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lotsokittycats Jan 14, 2020
Thank you, JoAnn29, for your thoughtful reply. BUT, I think I'll have that vision of the lady with the remote control hidden in her fat roll all day.... LOL!
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If your mom is as advanced with her dementia as you're implying, you might consider trying "The Best Alzheimer's Caregiver Tool of Them All, A Must Have for Every Caregiver."

https://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/2017/06/alzheiemrs-care-best-alzheimers-caregiver-tool-of-them.html

A repeating stuffed toy?!? Sounds crazy, I know, but your mom might really take to it. Worth a shot.
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lotsokittycats Jan 14, 2020
Thank you, again.... I'll certainly check it out!!!
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Grrrrr! Instead of griping and threatening you can't she do something, like vacuuming or washing a load of clothes.

I am so sorry that your family is being so awful to you. A little help would go so far in this situation.

As long as your mom is safe and cared for they don't care how you live. I would welcome them and ask them to guide you to any/all services for mom and you.

There is assistant that most of us don't even know about, this is the perfect time to ask for a list of resources.

Tell your great niece that she could actually do something to help instead of flapping her gums with threats and criticism.

Hugs for all you do!

PS: my mom is a hoarder, literally paths through things and I was told that they are not there to look at housekeeping. It is about safety and wellbeing. I think it is unsafe but they made it crystal clear that people have the right to live like they want. So don't worry about your home being lived in, they see horrific conditions and know the difference.
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lotsokittycats Jan 13, 2020
I CAN'T BEGIN to tell you just how much BETTER you've made me feel!!! Thank you SO much for your reply!!!
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I'm sure everything will go well for you lotsokittycats.

Please don't give up on finding some "you" time! Maybe have the cleaning person come every other week, and use that money to hire someone for an hour or two. Check out the local senior center for activities your mom might like, find her a ride or drop her off, and go get your nails done. ;-)

P.S. Is your profile picture of you and your mom? It makes me smile!
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lotsokittycats Jan 12, 2020
Thanks, bluefinspirit! Yes, it IS a picture of the two of us but, unfortunately, it's from 2011, and neither one of us looks as nice as we did then.

My mom ABSOLUTELY WON'T even consider, much less GO to the senior center for ANYTHING WHATSOEVER unless I'm there with her, so SO MUCH for any "me" time in THAT regard, sorry to say. And, besides, her memory/ahlzeimers has progressed/REgressed SO badly that she WOULDN'T be able to participate in even the simplest of activities, I'm afraid.... but THANK YOU for the suggestion/s!!!
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They are not looking at NEATNESS but at safety. They will not allow conditions that mean the deteriorating, molding and etc of the house itself, and they will be very touch on unsafe animal conditions, animal or human feces and urine in the house. I mention this because of the code name you use, which may indicate a lot of "kitties". Needing a good straighten-out or a good dusting will count as not a lot, but leaking water, animal mess, stale food, evidence of rodents, unsafe conditions to be negotiated because of stacked boxes or the floor cluttered will be taken very seriously. If these things are few, then the problems will be explained to you in detail and you will almost certainly be given a chance to remedy the situation. Wishing you good luck and hoping you will update us.
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lotsokittycats Jan 12, 2020
Thank you, AlvaDeer, for your answer! We have none of the things you've mentioned, BUT I'll be SURE that I can clean up a bit MORE than what it's already been cleaned up. AND, if they require more, then I'll DO IT! Thanks again!!!
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In my one experience with APS, I actually found it a very helpful experience. My brother and I were "reported" by our mother's doctor because we didn't start 24/7 care when he thought we should. We went slow to try and ease our mom into it: 4 hrs every other day to 4 hrs every day to 8 hrs every day, etc. My mom also had a lot of friends and neighbors checking on her. Her doctor was actually nice about it; he told us that he was mandated to contact APS and we shouldn't get too worried about it.

Anyway, after talking to our mom and us separately, the APS representative could tell that our mom was happy and was in no way neglected. Most of our meeting was then about safety tips. Medical alert system, handrails, trip hazard, smoke alarms, etc. BTW... Check your smoke alarm batteries before they come. ;-)

If your home is dirty to the point of being a health hazard, they may take notice, but with a cleaning person coming once per week, I can't imagine that is the case. Since you are disabled, they may question you about your ability to care for your mom: Are you physically able to assist her if necessary?

On a separate note: I would also suggest that you need a break once in a while. Caring for someone with moderate to severe AD is a 24/7 job! So... If it's possible, try to bring in someone to help both you and your mom.
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lotsokittycats Jan 12, 2020
I can't THANK YOU ENOUGH for your answer, bluefinspirit!!! Like I said, and you've acknowledged, the house is NOT that bad... just needing a little MORE TCL. And I've put up even more smoke and Co2 detectors, and I also keep tabs on her via a baby monitor, too!

Lastly, YES!!! Caring for her IS MOST CERTAINLY a 24/7 proposition, but I have NO OTHER CHOICE but to do so since I have (OBVIOUSLY) NO familial support WHATSOEVER!

Thanks again!!!
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Believe me u could be a hoarder and they not do anything. As long as there are no dead animals. And in that instance, any living animals would be removed but Mom would be left because people are allowed to live as they want.

My response to my grand niece would be, you could always come and help. Love people who start trouble but aren't willing to help make things better.

I don't think u have anything to worry about. They have to investigate. I would though, not have any contact with this niece. You can bann her from ur home saying that her abuse is causing you stress which in turn causes u pain.
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lotsokittycats Jan 12, 2020
Thank you SO VERY MUCH for YOUR reply, JoAnn29!!! You've hit MANY nails on the head, for sure, especially... "My response to my grand niece would be, you could always come and help. Love people who start trouble but aren't willing to help make things better." And, YES, it's NOT ONLY HER, but my brother and sister in law who are MOST LIKELY speaking THROUGH HER!!! EVERYONE wants to get on MY CASE, but NO ONE wants to HELP ME!!! I'm doing the best that I can, considering ALL of the circumstances, but the bottom line is that I'm ALONE in all of this and it really p!sses me off that all THEY have to do is pick up the phone and, of all things (and like MANY pundits warn), ALLOW THE GOVERNMENT INTO YOUR LIFE, or in MY CASE, SEND the government into OUR home/lives!!! THEY aren't the ones who'll have to deal with them now, or with the aftermath, will they? BUT, they also DO NOT, AND WILL NOT take HER into ANY of THEIR homes and TAKE CARE of HER in MY PLACE, EITHER... They're fast to report ME though!!!
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