Hello, friends. I posted last week that we recently moved my elderly mom into our home & are starting to suspect she has dementia, though she has NOT been diagnosed as such. Well, today she forgot I was working from home & made a few calls to family thinking she had the house to herself. What she had to say about me was disgusting and shocking. She has accused me of: Taking her wallet and using her credit cards for our own personal spending; Taking her checkbook and refusing to let her see any of her finances or access her own money; Planning a party for her at our house so we can use her money to purchase new patio furniture and landscaping (we've done both, but not with her money). She told my aunt (who entertained this entire conversation) that she thought we asked her to move in so she'd be with us, but all we've done since she got here is spend, spend, spend. Well, yes, that's true. We're repairing her house to put it up for sale. I know - friends tell me this is normal with dementia patients. But my mother hasn't been diagnosed with dementia yet! When we last spoke to our estate attorney about managing the sale of the house and the financial/legal stuff the one thing he said was despite me having durable POA, I need to be very careful how I manage everything until she has a dementia diagnosis on her medical record because until then, she's legally considered competent and if she ever starts making accusations, those could get a real legal hassle for me (not that I'd be legally in trouble, but that it could take a court to straighten it out...at my expense). My mother has always been very accusatory and restrictive with me towards anything of hers (she was never a mom that shared well with her kids). She started to default on her creditors and they started calling me because she wouldn't take their calls. Then she finally agreed to let me take over her finances and I was SO HAPPY when she signed the durable POA for me because I thought she had finally gotten over her distrust of me and I'd be able to help her. But now she's calling relatives when she thinks I'm not home and making these accusations? I spent a fortune to move her out here and get our house prepared for her. I can't afford any legal trouble. Even if it turns out to be nothing. Has anyone else been through this?
Unfortunately whatever their mind zones in on, will be it for a while. I think my mom has undiagnosed dementia as well. What I have found is that whatever piece of information (good or bad) she obtains from a source; it gets captured like a camera and then repeated like a broken record. So if she had a moment of thinking you were funny with her money, well that will be the record for a time and if family members play onto it, well you in for a long ride.