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I take care of my father, along with my brother, and have no one I can speak to these difficult days. Recently I made contact online with an old friend and earlier today I had a long telephone conversation with them. I hadn't spoken to them in 12 years!



It was going well and they asked me if I wanted to go to the beach for a weekend to have fun and to do more catching up. I said that I needed to talk with my father. He says seriously and kind of condescending these exact words: "You know, one day your father will be dead and gone and what will you do?". I just said "Well, I need to speak with him. I will get back to you.". I did not like his comment, it seemed hurtful, really hurtful, but I maybe I am blowing it out of proportion? Maybe I'm not thinking clearly? Maybe he meant that I need to make my own decisions now? That's true but I do need to talk with my father.



I definitely want to get away and this person was always good to me before and vice-versa. But on the other hand I feel like sending him an email saying "Sorry. I can't go this summer. I'm really busy the next few months." And that's it forever. What do you think?

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I vote for giving an old friend the benefit of the doubt and going to the beach! It sounds like fun and a good chance for you to recharge and refresh.

Maybe he didn’t express himself in the best way but maybe he meant something like, carpe diem (seize the day)! Anyway, if he’s a kind person I would tell him how you feel or maybe just let it go.
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sp19690 Aug 2022
Maybe he is the mirror image of Lisa Trevor. A ying to their yang.
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I almost responded to this, but then I realized it was yet another Dear Abby-type post asking us how she should feel and having nothing to do with caregiving whatsoever.

Same song, different verse. 🙄
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Cover999 Aug 2022
Hee hee
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A friend being blunt may not be welcome but can be the friend we need. To challenge our views & make us think about what we are doing.

Has that comment make you think or reflect?
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Do you have asbergers? Telephone. LOL as if it's 1950 and people don't just text or tik tok or instacarp or whatever the kids are doing these days.

Maybe he wanted to show you the personalized license plate they got with your name on it.

Seriously doesn't your father have round the clock aides taking care of him?

It might be better for you to leave dad alone for a weekend so his medications don't go missing in the spice cabinet again.
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I would consider his words seriously. Life is passing with inexorable speed.
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Hopefully this old friend doesn't have a golden retriever.
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🙂
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Your profile says you care for your mom. What care does your dad and.brother need. Do you all live together and you are the cook and house cleaner? Surely you can get away for the weekend!.GO!
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You say "but maybe I am blowing it out of proportion?" Remembering(sadly)your other posts, you seem to blow EVERYTHING out of proportion!!!
You really need to get a life and quit bothering the good people on this forum who have actual problems, and need real help. Now I'm not saying that you don't need help, because you definitely do. But the kind of help you need is mental health help, and none of us on here are equipped to give you that kind of help.
So I suggest that you make an appointment with a certified therapist/counselor today, and get the real help you obviously need.
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What I think, once again, is that this question has nothing to do with caregiving and that this is a caregiving forum you're on. Quora may better suit you for what you're looking to accomplish. 'Quora is a place to gain and share knowledge. It's a platform to ask questions and connect with people who contribute unique insights and quality answers.'

"Sorry. I can't go this summer. I'm really busy the next few months. And that's it forever." That is called "Cutting your Nose off to Spite your Face." It's allowing more Hurt Feelings to get in the way of a Friendship that may actually HELP you in your life. Hurt Feelings is a choice, not something you MUST allow to prevail.

I recommend you read a book, it's called The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz.
The Four Agreements are:
1) Be Impeccable with Your Word. 
2) Don't Take Anything Personally. 
3) Don't Make Assumptions. 
4) Always Do Your Best.

You would do well to follow #2 especially: don't take anything personally.

What I think is, Quora is a better fit for getting the type of answers you're looking to get, not AgingCare.

I wish you nothing but good luck in your life, honestly.
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You need another forum that is more appropriate to your needs. Aging Care is not the place for non-caregiver questions.
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PeggySue2020 Aug 2022
I mean, there’s a potential conflict between her going and her staying to serve her dad, so it is a caregiver related question.
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His comment was akin to his hearing that you needed to get Daddy’s permission to go anywhere.

And if you really think that with Brothers paid aides, brother and you all helping, maybe that’s the time to re evaluate your thinking, but that’s on you.
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