Is it okay to hate your family?

The most painful anger is that which involves belief that the other person(s) SHOULD be different than they are -- think differently, behave differently, whatever.

We don't have the power to change others or anything else in the world. All we can control is our reaction to what is.

What makes these family issues particularly difficult is that under it all we love the other people, whether we want to admit it or not. And that's okay. Of course we love our family. Although in some cases it's best to love from afar. Right?

Blessings to you for the freedom that comes with letting things BE.

proportion is such a difficult concept. you dont want to be a pushover but somewhere in my 55 yrs on earth ive learned to ignore someone who is trying to disturb me. end of life care is rough on all involved. i dont particularily like my two sisters. everything they say has to be reconfigured to align with the facts but were still family and may someday need each other.
my 25 yr old son works with me and drives me nuts but im trying to work on being more patient with him all the while holding back and letting lifes lessons introduce themselves to him in his own time. so yea, proportion is so difficult. im going to go cut wood in the wet snow today because he has sold his share of the wood cutting for pot money. hes imperfect but only a maniac would have stuck with me for this many years.

chrissie - I understand and have been looking at the end of my tether a few times this past week. The thing is, you can't stop them from being who they are. Hate is a strong word, and my take on hate is that it does more harm to the hater than the hatee, and I don't want to do that to myself. On the other hand, I do have some strong feelings and need to protect myself, as much as possible from the stress, they, in my case my sis, causes me. That is not easy, but, I am the one who has to look after me, no matter what others do or say. Is your anger or mine justifiable, probably.

boni ((((((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))))) boy, it is tough! I am working on lowering stress - it is what I can do.

cap - in my case, honestly, if the time came when I needed family, my sis would not help. I have had ample experience of that in the past . Would I help her ?Probably, because that is my nature. I hear you about your son. Three of my children are/were addicts. One is dead, one has achieved a complete recovery, and one is sober, but hard to get along with. I hung in there with them, did what I could, but the one who is still toxic is becoming more and more peripheral to my life. That's tough love, too. When you get to my age, survival becomes a bigger issue.

Well, I have been up all night, again, due to the added stress my sister puts on me, so YES! I HATE that bitch!

Yes, it is okay to hate them! I hate them, too! In exchange, could you hate my brother? Just for an hour or so, if it's not too much trouble. Please put a lot of energy into it so I can take a break from all the effort it put into hating him.

I don't hate either. But the family drama and the additional stress of siblings that do no understand because they do nothing to help is their problem. There is nothing I can do about it. I have been know to leave the phone and e-mails unanswered. It is more stress waiting, hoping that they will change. They are in their own worlds, I in mine, and they are completely different.

We are all products of our environments. We can control ourselves and our feelings, but nobody else's.

Thanks , yeh just got the phone call I was dreading , and I am calm .
Thanks for your insights
I don't hate my family just there actions

Well in honor of Mandela or Mandiba, to paraphrase...anger or resentment towards another is like drinking poison and expecting them to die.

i had to attend 13 weeks of anger mgmt several years ago during my divorce. hell yea i was angry. good teacher. i asked him how do you deal with someone who is passive aggressive and knows how to push your various buttons. he replied that those buttons belong to me and i should control them.
i also learned that he who angers you controls you.
its an ongoing process tho.
so me and the bastard kid went and cut him a load of wood today. i was kind and showed much restraint. it was good quality time and i know he understood the concept. sometimes i roar but then give him space and time to think. kind of like a dam hog. you give a 300 lb hog time to think or he'll bust both your legs and your spine. lol. jake would make 3 of me. have to choose my battles..

@Cap'n, was the 300 lb hog a teaching tool used in anger management class?