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Mom has 2 cats. 4 children that all each would love to have her come and stay with them however none of us can take the cats ( 3 have pets that would not get along and we have allergies that would take us out). She is choosing to go to a "nursing home" to keep the cats. ( and the very nice AL will gladly let her for $300 per month in addition to the $5000 / mo rent and $600 level of care per month. Please share anything that might be helpful as we make this scary transition.
Thank you care team !!!!

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This is clearly your mother's choice. You say she has "mild" dementia, and I assume she is capable of this choice. And she has made it. I can only hope she can afford it. You are looking at cost of living in ALF that is close to what it would be in my area of the country. Across the state, however, it is not nearly that high. The care level is also quite high, and I wonder what level Mom is entering on? Because that seems at least a level two, which isn't self caring? To say nothing of 300.00 for the cats. For that I hope they will change the litter (hee hee).
As I said, if Mom can afford this, it is her choice. I lost the last of my pets last year and decided not to get more both because of the work, the vet visits, and etc. I will foster, but not adopt. I don't want my children to be stuck with them. However I have a friend in considerably worse shape than I am with a huge dog and three cats. Always a problem. But her choice.
For myself I would not want to live with my children, no matter how much I love them. With or without my pets.
So again, we are down to Mom's choice. She may not want to live a life without pets. I would honor her choice. I can only assume she has figured her assets and how long they will last. If she judges they will last a life time then time to spend down and live as she pleases, I think.
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If she can afford this long term, then it sounds as if it’s her choice. My mother is in an AL and her care is excellent. Keep in mind that Covid may prevent your family from visiting at this time and she will need to manage the cats with the help of the staff. I would get a clear picture of that prior to moving in.
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Since she has mild Dementia an AL would be my choice. Just be aware that the facility is not responsible for Moms animals. Mom has to be able to care for them and they can't run the facility. Not everyone likes animals. This is not the responsibility of staff.

If Mom wants to go to an AL and can afford it then be glad. Caregiving can be hard.
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As most have mentioned, AL staff is not responsible for care of pets even though there is a fee to allow pets into the facility. So remember the family may have to budget to have a separate person come into the facility (difficult with Covid) to clean and care for pets. Ask facility how this will be managed BEFORE you sign and Mom moves in (because if it's not written, it could be just in someone's imagination). Check to see if there are any groups that offer fostering/adoption for AL residents. This option worked very well for one of my clients. Pets were well cared for, made new human friends and got to visit their Dad every week (in this case Dad recovered in 18 mos, got a new apartment and pets went to live with him. Foster pet parents still check in with him on a weekly basis. Special people all around!)
One more thing to be aware of "just in case". Unless Mom is going into an AL that is part of a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) that provides a full continuum of care, should she decline and need placement, either short (skilled nursing/rehab) or long term you would need to:
short term placement - arrange for care of cats
long term placement - negotiate with the new facility about the cats (possibly more difficult because the residents are more frail with more morbidities involved). Or you could get lucky like one of my clients who moved into an AL that was looking to adopt a few resident pets. They thought her cats were wonderful additions to the staff (in this case since the facility was adopting, they provided care and food for the cats). Sent another client family with a dog to them 3 days later and they were so happy to have a pooch (some of their dog loving residents were crying foul about the cats, not doubt) they accepted him too. The first client passed away but her cats are at the NH bringing joy. Sometimes, I guess it is just in the cards.
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Rehome the cats. They deserve better.
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My mom was in AL and we all felt it was a good idea for her. The 2 main things were having her meds administered correctly and getting socialization. She made friends, participated in activities, took field trips, etc. She was more active and engaged than she had been at her home.

I say if your Mom wants to go and can afford the fees you should let her go. If she doesn’t like it you can always revisit alternatives. It’s tricky right now but still possible to move in, ask lots of questions about how the facility is organizing activities and how strictly they are enforcing quarantine.

Also, consider your mom's future and if the facility has multiple levels of care that she can transition to if necessary. Perhaps that is one of the reasons she is considering AL.
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My parents are in assisted living together. They pay $5100.00 each monthly. They will be able to go into nursing care at the same location if needed. They like seeing people, the meal service and maid service. So far my parents are happy with their decision and I think it has been good for both of them.
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We had a client who we moved to the memory care of assisted living. We hired a college student who went to school within a walkable distance to the facility. He fed the cat and cleaned the litter box (and eventually got hired by two other residents to do the same). They key was to pay him enough to keep him motivated about coming in three or four times a week. We paid $18/visit. On top of that was the other residents' cats. It's a good gig if you can get it.
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Is she actually able to care for the cats by herself? If not then re-homing the cats might be the most humane thing to do. The cats would be confined to her room in Assisted Living. For that matter it would be the same if she moved in with one of your siblings and just kept the cats locked in her room so they would have no contact with the other animals. It would be the same in AL.
I do have to comment on AL. Depending on "where" she in in dementia the transition to Memory Care would follow. Would they still accept the cats in MC?
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Is it possible to have a live-in homemaker/companion to move in with your mom so she can stay in her own place and keep her cats? It would save her money if she and your family were open to this idea. A live-in can be found for less than $5,000 a month.
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