Mom has 2 cats. 4 children that all each would love to have her come and stay with them however none of us can take the cats ( 3 have pets that would not get along and we have allergies that would take us out). She is choosing to go to a "nursing home" to keep the cats. ( and the very nice AL will gladly let her for $300 per month in addition to the $5000 / mo rent and $600 level of care per month. Please share anything that might be helpful as we make this scary transition.
Thank you care team !!!!
I say if your Mom wants to go and can afford the fees you should let her go. If she doesn’t like it you can always revisit alternatives. It’s tricky right now but still possible to move in, ask lots of questions about how the facility is organizing activities and how strictly they are enforcing quarantine.
Also, consider your mom's future and if the facility has multiple levels of care that she can transition to if necessary. Perhaps that is one of the reasons she is considering AL.
I do have to comment on AL. Depending on "where" she in in dementia the transition to Memory Care would follow. Would they still accept the cats in MC?
One more thing to be aware of "just in case". Unless Mom is going into an AL that is part of a continuing care retirement community (CCRC) that provides a full continuum of care, should she decline and need placement, either short (skilled nursing/rehab) or long term you would need to:
short term placement - arrange for care of cats
long term placement - negotiate with the new facility about the cats (possibly more difficult because the residents are more frail with more morbidities involved). Or you could get lucky like one of my clients who moved into an AL that was looking to adopt a few resident pets. They thought her cats were wonderful additions to the staff (in this case since the facility was adopting, they provided care and food for the cats). Sent another client family with a dog to them 3 days later and they were so happy to have a pooch (some of their dog loving residents were crying foul about the cats, not doubt) they accepted him too. The first client passed away but her cats are at the NH bringing joy. Sometimes, I guess it is just in the cards.
If Mom wants to go to an AL and can afford it then be glad. Caregiving can be hard.
As I said, if Mom can afford this, it is her choice. I lost the last of my pets last year and decided not to get more both because of the work, the vet visits, and etc. I will foster, but not adopt. I don't want my children to be stuck with them. However I have a friend in considerably worse shape than I am with a huge dog and three cats. Always a problem. But her choice.
For myself I would not want to live with my children, no matter how much I love them. With or without my pets.
So again, we are down to Mom's choice. She may not want to live a life without pets. I would honor her choice. I can only assume she has figured her assets and how long they will last. If she judges they will last a life time then time to spend down and live as she pleases, I think.