My father's nursing home will not let my mother stay overnight in the room?

Please consider this: (I have no ideas about the legal stuff)
Your dad has had two strokes; has he been evaluated for vascular dementia? Early on, after her stroke, my mom became very agitated and had many delusions (the aides were having sex in her bathroom, dead bodies were being carted about, she was having to manage her medications with no help from the nurses ( she said this to me as the nurse handed her her meds), and that she needed to pay extra for everything that was done for her ( showers, dressing, etc.). All of these things were demonstrably untrue.

It took us a couple of days to figure it out, but it became clear that mom was sundowning; these odd perceptions showed up mostly in the late afternoon and early evening. The geriatric psychiatrist who serviced the facility stopped by and started mom on some meds for anxiety, eventually finding the right combo. Just consider that as a possibility.

It has been more than two weeks. Has the investigation been concluded? What were the findings? Are things going more smoothly now?

It would be good to hear a follow-up. We learn from each other!

Your poor mother. What a hideous situation for her and your family to be in.

Write everything down. Then, can you get your mother away from this for another four days? Take her to a spa hotel, help her spring clean the house, send her to relatives, just anything to get her over the hump and get her to rest.

The only other suggestion I can make, and I wouldn't recommend it because I honestly think it will only increase her stress exponentially, is that you consult an attorney. It can't be okay for your father to be isolated completely; so even if your mother can't visit (with all these hair-raising allegations flying around you can see why, no?) then surely another family member or perhaps a guardian ad litem can.

As to the kiss - define it - was it open 'mouth sexual' or just a 'cheek kiss meaning I am here for you' - there a big difference! - some staff give a hugs to my dad as they leave for their days off & have done it in front of me - I say thanks for being so caring

It's my experience that most long term facilities are devoted to the welfare of the residents. They follow strict protocol for when there are complaints. My LO was convinced that her doctor slept on a couch in the lobby of her MC.  She also saw little animals sitting up in trees behind the place.  So, things with dementia patients are not always as they seem.  I think it's crucial that things be taken into perspective.  
Things have to be investigated to ensure the facts are as they are presented and for everyone's protection,

I hope things worked out regarding your mother's visits and maybe, having her visit during the day would make your dad more comfortable. I hope you will post the outcome.

moecam, that is your dad, if a kiss is making the wife uneasy, it is inappropriate. The Wife could say to the nurse that she is uncomfortable with her kissing her husband and she did the right thing reporting it to management. The management did the wrong thing banning the wife for 5 days. They should have talked it out with the Nurse and at least should have had a "NO KISSING" rule for her. How does the wife feel being banned for 5 days with the kissing nurse having access to her husband.

"mom said that one of the nurses kissed him" And how did mom know this? Is it something Dad told her? Dad is the one who said mother pulled a knife on him, right? Unfortunately this man's words cannot be taken as a true reflection of reality.

you have to get a power of attorney ..on your mom to but might be to late for your father ..my mom was in for 13 days for rehab get her stronger & they was not giving her mental meds she has dementia & i asked them if they was at the end of the week it was thanksgiving i asked my oldest sister was there to & they would no tell me what she was on i had to be a p.o.a well a week later i found out that they didnt ..it was there fault !!!they said she wanders around at night i thought ya its your fault !!!to my self ..see i do not know i doubt it they all run different i guess ..the facility they go into has there own doc to look at them & evaluate if a hospital sends info they decide what they need & dont i think they do it for cost to save
they didnt give her it cause she was fine .but they had a scrip for bladder control & her urologist said to me not to give her any but if she became a problem they would have gave her it ..they run it for there benefit .but if your not a p.o.a you have no power is the way i think it goes so you need to explain to everyone that you need to have a p.o.a to help them out not the nursing home they do not care for them but at there own benefit ..

The odbudmans has help me a lot even got me an attorney to help w my mom situation.

BarbBrooklyn: Your story sounds so similar to my late Mother's hallucinagenic thoughts--"that person hopped out of bed and took care of me, there's someone sleeping on the floor in my room, that staff member is going back to his hotel room" and more.