My father's nursing home will not let my mother stay overnight in the room? - AgingCare.com

My father's nursing home will not let my mother stay overnight in the room?

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My father is in a washington state nursing care after having a second stroke. They say she is agitating him, he says he hates her, he doesn't he diesnt have any blood flow to the left side of his brain, he told the nurse that she pulled a knife on him, she would never do that , mom said that one of the nurses kissed him, now they say they need to do an investigation that will take 5 days, so they wont let her see him at all during that time, is this legal

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This story is unbelievable. I have worked in aged care for many years as a nurse. I have often seen long term permenent staff kiss the residents out of care, when settling them down to sleep. When working in a facility for long time quite often a relationship develops of trust. I see nothing inappropriate about the kiss as long as it was not on the lips. However, it was insensitive to do it with the wife looking on. It has obviously triggered a reaction in her. 
As a professional, I always keep the boundaries & have only kissed on the forehead. But I had worked in that facility for 20yrs.
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I stayed in my mother's nursing home several nights when she was first there. She was getting up, screaming, and generally causing disturbances. I wanted to see if I could calm her down and also try to figure out what was causing this. The NH was pleased I was willing to do this, and hoped it would work. I was able to calm her each time, though I never did figure out the triggers. I think she was just having a difficult adjustment period and that improved.

In my experience, nursing homes are happy to have the positive presence of family members. But this situation is obviously very different. Mother's presence does not appear to be calming and indeed seems to be disturbing. This may not be her fault at all, but the NH does have to protect their resident from disturbances.

Let us hope this is for a short adjustment period.
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BarbBrooklyn: Your story sounds so similar to my late Mother's hallucinagenic thoughts--"that person hopped out of bed and took care of me, there's someone sleeping on the floor in my room, that staff member is going back to his hotel room" and more.
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Quite frankly, I don't know of any Nursing Homes that allow an overnight guest. There are many reasons for that---
# 1 They don't allow pro bono guests.
#2 They cannot assume the liability if said guest falls or gets hurt.
#3 They don't provide excess beds.
#4 Some Nursing Homes (at least the one my mom was in) have residents who are wandering the halls.
#5 Loss of said guest's personal effects.
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This sounds kind of like my foster dad, he started having problems towards late afternoon to early evening. I didn't really know what I was dealing with, I had never dealt with this kind of thing before so I really wasn't trained or have any experience with this kind of thing. Worse yet, I really didn't even know how to look for dementia or identify it. As he got worse, it seemed like the problems he was having started becoming a daily issue and even lasting longer. I just didn't know what to do but when he was finally put into a nursing home, at first I didn't know the nursing home had their hooks in him, too. It wasn't until after an incident I found out the true colors of the workers. Unfortunately though he already had a guardian and it seems like even she had her hooks in him. Had I been his guardian, I would have removed him from that facility and into another one. He was actually fighting two of the staff, (but I don't know what led up to it). As for staying overnight, the nursing home won't allow this because your mom is not a resident. What you may suggest she do is set up a hidden camera. The kind I would suggest is the kind where you can watch remotely from home and if a nurse finds it, lock it remotely from her location. Make sure she puts a familiar code on it so she can unlock it remotely if she needs to. This kind of thing can be handy to help see what's going on providing the device has not been switched off. If someone finds the device though, you'll automatically have a picture of them. It's always best to be right there while you're watching what's going on in the room from home, that's why if someone finds the device and picks it up, you can lock it right there on the spot from your location. That way, you can see what's really going on with your dad
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Daughterlu - some wives are uncomfortable with any other lady giving hubby a kiss even an innocent one so I am still sceptical about this - if the mom is uncomfortable then that's one thing but I think there is good chance there is a bit of jealousy there - how many young women go after older men who have a bit of dementia? .. I bet not many as apposed to a caring nurse giving comfort to a patient - I go with the latter but I am an optimist [it is not whether the glass is half empty or half full... it is the anything for a refill later - be it water of wine! lol]
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"mom said that one of the nurses kissed him" And how did mom know this? Is it something Dad told her? Dad is the one who said mother pulled a knife on him, right? Unfortunately this man's words cannot be taken as a true reflection of reality.
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moecam, that is your dad, if a kiss is making the wife uneasy, it is inappropriate. The Wife could say to the nurse that she is uncomfortable with her kissing her husband and she did the right thing reporting it to management. The management did the wrong thing banning the wife for 5 days. They should have talked it out with the Nurse and at least should have had a "NO KISSING" rule for her. How does the wife feel being banned for 5 days with the kissing nurse having access to her husband.
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As to the kiss - define it - was it open 'mouth sexual' or just a 'cheek kiss meaning I am here for you' - there a big difference! - some staff give a hugs to my dad as they leave for their days off & have done it in front of me - I say thanks for being so caring
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The odbudmans has help me a lot even got me an attorney to help w my mom situation.
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