Nursing home laundry. Any advice on dealing with this situation?

I have been thinking of the Laverne and Shirley TV show. Laverne always wore a sweater with that great big "L" embroidered on it.
So I was thinking of embroidering Luz's name on any clothing She would have if and when I had to put her into a home.
either her name or a large initial embroidered on the outside seemed to me as a way to reduce loss or aid in recovery.

My mom was in a NH for rehab. They put a sign saying that family would do her laundry. Somehow, the attendant took her clothes to wash.

My mom asked me to find her blouse. I went down to the laundry room and found it myself rather than asking for someone else to do it. I was lucky. I happened to spot it hanging up.

They put other people’s clothes in her closet. It happens even with names on clothing articles.

Now mom is in a hospice home. It’s very small. She is bed bound too. She only wears pajamas so she needs very few items.

Mom used to be a ‘clothes horse’ but now is most comfy in her pajamas.

I used to work in a nursing home. There were times when the patients clothes would disappear and it would eventually come out that the workers were stealing the clothes. Best thing to do is get stuff from the thrift store and send it. Not so likely to get lost that way.

Wish I could offer some constructive advice but can't really. I was Director of Guest Relations at one of the better local skilled nursing facilities here and I can't tell you the hours I spent chasing down lost clothing items. Sometimes the other residents "shop" someone's closet which are unlocked (while the resident is at an activity or lunch but sometimes... there just doesn't seem to be any rational explanation. I get that they are hustling to get things done before visitors start arriving but seriously? Had a bit of the same problem when my Mom was in the facility although I was only four miles away and did some laundry myself. I think it is just one of the headaches that goes with nursing home care-- annoying but not a major battle. Good luck!!

Why can't you move her closer to your home? I realize that she's 91 ---it might be nice for both of you to be closer in these final years. Just because someone says they want to stay in New Jersey; as circumstances change so much the plans. There are services that can transport your mother, especially the NJ/NY to FL route.
If you really want her closer, there are ways to make it happen...especially when you begin the phase where you have to fly up there many times.

A long term solution would be to either move her to a nursing home near you or move near her. They are supposed to label all clothing before going to the room. Make a list of everything she has there...including things like dentures or eyeglasses. Make sure they do that. Also insist that they take her out of the bed & into wheelchair for a few hours a day. Bedsores can develop if not turned every couple hours. Ask about her skin on backside. Hugs 🤗

BuckAndBuck.com for all clothing orders instead of Amazon.

They will label the clothing for you before shipping. And the clothing will with stand the punishment that the laundry service does when running it through the sanitize cycle. They focus on clothing that makes dressing easier, which also may be helpful for your mother.

the nursing home that my dad was in, marks their clothes before putting them in the room, it is done with a label that is hard glued onto the clothing. Now.......just because they are put in the room doesn't mean that maybe the other person in the room isn't taking them and putting them in their closet. the guy that was in with my dad took the pictures off the place board i made and put them inside his photo album. he liked them so he took them. I said something to the nurse on duty and she checked around in their room and found them in this man's photo album. so its possible that someone else came into your mothers room and took them OR something else. I would call the nursing home and let them know what is happening. it doesn't mean that particular girl took them........its just possible that some other resident took them out of your mothers room without her knowing it. wishing you luck.

Things getting lost, stolen or just put in the wrong room are a common thing in assisted living and nursing homes.  Since you said there is no family in NJ who can look in on your mom, why keep her there?  If you could move her to a long term care facility near your home in FL, you could deliver the pajamas yourself and visit on a regular basis to make sure she is being taken care of appropriately.  Just a suggestion.

A short answer is to call the director of the facility, explain your issue and ask what the protocol is for getting things to your mom.

Imho, as well as having every single possession of my late mother's marked with Sharpie (even down to her toothbrush), I then also created a list of every item that she kept at the nursing home.

Dealing with 2 different nursing homes and a group home. For my dad they would lose things even though his name was in a label inside (some kind of super sticky iron or sewed on thing the nursing home provided). As someone said they could possibly remove the label somehow. That nursing home was actually a little better about keeping up with clothes than the one my mom went to, but we still found things that definitely didn't belong to him in his closet and since he was a rather simple person he wasn't worried about a few misplaced items. I think the hearing aides were lost in a facility transfer. For my mom, we managed to lose a nice blanket and pillow. I remember being more upset about the pillow disappearing than the blanket or any clothes. The only way to try and have more control is to live nearby, and though I did live nearby and visited as much as I could even after returning to work, these things still happened. I got to the point that I didn't care so much about the stuff I was just worried that they were cared for properly. I think talking to people is important. Even some of the other nursing home residents tell you things if you hang around long enough. I learned to not be too trusting of people but I figure they steal for a reason. Like another person posted the residents with dementia may enter others rooms at odd times and could possibly even take things. I believe one if the nurses warned me of that and said be careful not to leave anything of value as it would likely disappear. In the group home we signed a list of my dad's items that seemed pretty accurate. At the end of his stay I was totally over any personal items I did pick up some of them but if they could use any for someone else I left that. Despite a story for another day about the manager, I think his care was better there and he was able to relax more. As I said he was a simple man and really didn't have much. I miss him a lot now that he is gone, and I didn't mind having to buy him a few items that he either didn't have much of or it went missing. Hope you can have some peace as long as your mom is being taken care of and has no complaints on the staff, that is most important!

I'd say call again and ask to speak to the person in charge of laundry. Ask them to track down your mother's clothing. How big is this facility? Even when the laundry is segmented to avert mixing, as it was in my father's facility, he ended up with items that weren't his and I would return them. Once his shoes disappeared and they eventually found them in the laundry facility. He had soiled them and they just didn't get around to returning them. He had enough pajamas to wear twice a week, but the aids were just tossing them in the hamper after wearing once -soiled or not - instead of putting them back in the drawer. So he needed 7+ pairs of pajamas. They would leave soiled items in the hamper all week until laundry day and they mixed up all his organized and neatly folded clothing in the drawers. It didn't start out that way but it ended up that way as the more conscientious aids moved on and the facility got busier. What can you do? His nice stuff got wrecked. But he was clean and appropriately dressed most of the time.

You need to start a chain of accountability. It might be more expensive and time consuming. Make sure somebody has to sign for deliveries for your mom. Then, check with the staff daily that those deliveries make it to her room (they need to hold up the garments/items and show that they are in her room via a text or video call). Make sure every item is labelled with her name and your phone number. Keep an itemized list of your mom's belongings. Anything that must be discarded must be photographed and the photo texted to you asking permission to discard the item. Monthly, ask staff to do a video call so they can show you all her belongings - and check it against your list. If an item is missing, tell them they have 1 week to find it and return it to her room (verified via video call or text). If they can not account for the item, ask for them to reimburse you for the item or to deduct the value of the item from her monthly bill. They are responsible for safeguarding belongings of their clients.

My wife has ben in at least 5 different SNF/Rehabs for about 30 months out of the past 41 months. The last one she was in was for 7 weeks this past summer. She had been in this facility on 3 previous occasions for a minimum of 6 weeks each time. Until the last admission which was under the strictest COVID rules, I was there almost every day.
My goal was not to make any one person my best friend, but to make every employee that I came in contact with my best friend. From the people doing the lawn and gardening work, the man on his hands and knees scrapping whatever off of the floor to the administrator. I let everyone of the employees know that their job was just as important as anyone else's. I made sure that the administrator, and all other management employees know that they were no more important than anyone else.
The gardeners I told that if the grounds didn't look nice there would be less residents to help pay all the bills. Same for the maintenance and floor cleaners. Dirty floor, non working equipment, toilets, sinks, no residents . To the management I told how good the employees were at doing their jobs and how good the facility looked and smelled. The same for laundry and food service and also all the medical staff. I spoke to everyone each time I was in the facility. I would learn about their families and any prayer needs they might have.
Some would not speak back usually for a week or so, but before long, almost everyone would return my greetings. (Even some who knew very little English)
During all my wife's time, she lost one hoodie and many socks. I loose her socks at home!, so that's to be expected.
Now when she has been hospitalized, she has lost 2 smart-phones, One this past week. Most likely got wrapped in with the bed linens and tossed in the bin, Then to the out of state laundry facility where it was probably destroyed in a gigantic commercial washer.
As for the employees at the SNF, not all of them were friendly. There were some who were downright nasty. Several were terminated because of rough treatment of my wife or even personal threats to me!
The CNA's would almost always ask my wife first when she wanted her shower and they would come close to honoring her time request. The food service would make sure that no one took "her place" in the dining hall.
These suggestions are useless to Rosie T., with her mom, and any others who are living either away from their LO or in a state where the facilities are completely closed down. These things work everywhere, the grocery store, the garbagemen(Sanitation workers) doctors' offices. Anywhere you see the same people on a regular basis.

You are in a bad position because of the young girl...God bless her. I have a friend whose husband was in a home in Pa. She said the urine smell was so bad at times she literally took a mop and bucket and Lysol and cleaned his bathroom in front of the front desk personnel. She kept threatening them and said she was going to turn them in to the state. Can you turn them if it is a state agency and not mention your mom? My guess is the Amazon deliveries are making it directly to the workers. Can you get the girls address and have Amazon deliver to her home, then tell her you will pay her to take stuff to your mom. Bet she’d love to get $20. for receiving goods and taking them to mom. These homes make me sick. Chin up and God bless.

Speak to your mother's case worker at her residence about this. Tell her you've noticed in your FaceTime chats that she's not wearing any of the new clothing you have sent.

Bring your mom down to where you live and place her in facility near you. They lost my mother's clothes too. Here laundry is sent out. Both my parents lost their wedding rings. If you do send clothes then make them inexpensive. Even though they label them I believe some staff do steal nice things.its just my opinion.

If you get her things via Amazon delivered to the NH, how are you getting her name put on the articles of clothing or other belongings? It's probably not being done by anyone. You probably need to ship to yourself, write her name on the things and then reship.

Is it possible to transfer mom to a NH near your house? Anyone in any kind of a facility needs someone to be an advocate for them - checking in on them at random times, checking out the meds being dispensed, checking to see that she is really being taken care of.

Edit: In original post you said you had no family to look in on your mom, but in a response below you said you had a family friend who puts names on the clothes and gets them to the NH for you. Why not offer this person some kind of pay or salary to look in on mom so you really know what's going on with her care. There could be other things - like sitting in wet pants all day, food trays delivered but never eaten, etc - that need to be watched. Or move her closer to you

Nothing you can do, even the permanent marker does not help. It's been a problem at every nursing home since the beginning of time. They don't pay attention to that , and just roughly give a certain amount of clothing to male and to female, no regard for what belongs to them or size even unless its too really too small.. Even if you are close and do the laundry your self sometimes when they get changed then will go in the main laundry anyway, and then good bye to that nice sweater. Advice- so don't send expensive clothing..

How about writing their whole name on the front of anything someone might steal, in nice indelible ink. That should discourage the non demented thieves.

This was a problem for me too. Like one of the other responders I decided to pick my battles and this was one I gave up on. I went to Target, found a nice jogging suit type outfit with pants and a top. I bought a set of every color they came in. Mom liked them and it was harder for the NH to lose them. They were fairly easy to identify if they ended up in someone else's room too.

You must make a list of the items ,make a copy give one to the facility and keep the other ,make them verify and sign the list.Put labels in everything.I went through the same thing,it was so bad that the beautiful Calvin Klein suit I bought him to be buried in disappeared,it miraculalously was found in the basement at the last minute.

Just tell your mom that you are sending her new pajamas and you'll face time her when she's wearing them so you can see what they look like on her. Remember to send them certified and Signature Requested so you'll know who signed for them.

While Dad was in MC he was missing clothes, a watch, sunglasses, etc, I was seeing him multiple times a week. I got frustrated, angry and his clothes would sometimes show up again, but often not, Dad was used to wearing high end things most his life, so buying him regular shirts from Sams club n such bothered him at first, but later he didn’t mind. I took his leather jacket, expensive shirts and pants home and he wore those when we took him out to a celebration or church function. Maddening for sure, but it does happen. Pictures might help, but people feign ignorance. Good luck!

It is a chronic nightmare shared by many. I think you should speak to a director. The facility should be putting in their versions of labels with her name. When this was happening to my mother in AL I eventually got them to reimburse me for missing items. Of course this required both myself and my mother to remember the item. Covid was the perfect storm for that ending. I was not allowed into the building. Now my mother is in the NH section and I actually think the situation has improved. I have found Walmart to be a decent reasonable source for sleepwear whether it is pajamas or nightgowns. One needs to find it at the beginning of a season for selection in sizes.

Its a difficult situation when you have no one to check in on Mom. My dad lost 2 pair of hearing aides between the hospital and rehab.

If I were you try to shop at Thred.com or Swap.com for second hand things.
Maybe these will reach mom and be less interesting to others.
Will save you a lot if money.

Not to sound negative, but I'm betting clothing is not the only thing missing. My mom's experience in SNF for rehab was about the same or worse. One time they lost her hearing aide. "Oh well, we're not responsible for personal items" was their response. Infuriating. I have friends with same clothing problem, esp specialty items like compression socks. Staff just throws up their hands and says they havd no clue what happens to them. It's a sad (and inexcusable) common occurrence.
You're long distance. They know that. They know you're not present to make them accountable. If it's any comfort, it would still be a problem if Mom was in a facility down the street from you.

As an aside, my Mom never would leave Georgia. She hates Texas. Guess what? We overrode her and moved her here anyway because the doctors said she could no longer live on her own. NH was out of the question for me and my siblings, esp long distance. Can you have a straight talk with your mom and tell her how stressful this situ is for you and this is just not working for her or you?

The short time my Husband was in rehab I can not begin to tell you how much "stuff" was lost. Clothing and a blanket that he used. AND I had his name written on the satin binding around the blanket (I wrote it in huge lettering in black permanent marker! (AND I even brought a hamper with his name on it so I would do the wash, easy since I was there every day any way. Often the hamper was empty and I was told that his things had been taken to the laundry)
I hate to say it but there is a good possibility that all the clothes you are sending are probably not making it to mom's dresser or closet. I have a feeling that staff is taking some of the things they want.
And, hate to say it start shopping for mom at resale stores and use one of the flat rate shipping boxes from the US Post Office. (really a pretty good deal, pack as much as you want and the price is the same as long as it fits in the box!)

Also there might be a good possibility that the clothes are misdirected to another room when the laundry is done.
In the rehab where my Husband was there was a room filled with blankets and other articles of clothing that I was told to go through when I was looking for his items.
Also there are other residents that are "shoppers" they will go into someone else's room and take items. In many cases this is not done with a malicious intent but it will happen if the resident has dementia they do not think of it as theft.

Other than shopping resale the only other thing that you can do is chalk this up to part of the life of a resident in Long Term Care and accept that items will go missing.

My mom has been in memory care for two years. 1 year lockdown. When I buy her clothes, I mark them with her name and Room# and also lay them on the floor and take a photo of them before I drop them off. When an item goes missing, I have the photo on my phone and a printed on paper copy to explain what’s missing. As for taking laundry home, it becomes unmanageable when you have to deal with both feces and urine on a daily basis.

When my mom was in the NH, her clothes were constantly "lost". I don't believe they are careful as to where the clothes are returned. Of course her name was in them. They just dress them in whatever. Some of the workers also steal what they like. And this was in a "nice" NH, too. After losing some comparatively nicer clothes for her, I bought sets of sweatshirts and pants and did her laundry myself. That solved a lot of it. I bought her some decent slippers and one of the aides there said these are nice, but not my style. If they were, I would take them and gave me a sly look. Couldn't believe it.