I was asked by a nurse what am I doing for my future?

Well Daisy, you can think about your future if your husband is able to come home and if he has to move into a home. If he does have to move into a home, will you be able to remain where you are? I think that nurse was wise to start you thinking about your own future, which will continue whatever happens to your husband.

Are you at the point of needing some extra care yourself? Now is the time to plan instead of waiting for some emergency. Give us more info about your situation if you want more specific advice from us.

Having my Mother in a NH and MIL in ass't living, I think about it every day. We recently sold our second home. We couldn't afford 2 homes, anyway. I am looking at getting rid of stuff. Given the chance to stay healthy, I will continue to pare down. Eventually, I would like to move to a sunny apartment, so my kids won't have to clean out a house.

That, daisychains, is a question most people ponder from time to time anyways. It lurks in the back of the mind. So for the nurse to have raised the question may have seemed inappropriate at the moment, but very valid. We will all face this at some point, I fear, whether directly or indirectly; planning is the key. I would suggest starting, if not already done so. At the very least start with the 'what if' scenarios.

Just as a lighten up sidebar ....... nice handle. Flashbacks of life in the sixties and seventies.

I think you should start looking at your options. There is assisted living, nursing homes, and in home care. Maybe you guys could move into a nursing home together ,that way you will be there with him, he get the care he needs and when you begin to need care it will be an easy transition

It's a good idea to start planning for your future if you can. Make sure that you have your own will and POA documents in order. Also you might consider is purchasing long term care insurance for yourself if you haven't already. It's often recommended by financial planners that people purchase it when they reach 55-60 years old. Of course even if you're older than that, it's not too late, as long as you're still relatively healthy.

Circumstances will determine what's best to do. You'll be better able to focus on making plans once your husband is stable. The current situation you describe tends to make a caregiver a bit muddle-headed. God bless.

I have been mulling over that myself since my husband has dementia. He is home and I feel for his safety can't leave him alone. We have long term care so since he sleeps so much feel cost is smarter to have someone come in to relieve me or wake him to go to adult day care. I am checking asst living where we would be together but on top of cost of asst living we'd have to pay someone to be with him & not just check on him every 2 hrs. We are in process of irrevocable trust which maybe down the road we will have to use Medicaid. At present 5 yrs down road our whats left assests would be protected. I would like to sell our home & rent closer to our 4 children, now 2 plus hrs away. Thinking if we rent what needs to be fixed is landlords problem. If we bought condo changes of hubby dementia cause need to sell could be problem. Too early for me to be in asst living I think. I am 6 yrs younger and need a life while loving my husband and still able to care for him. I look into different possibility for both of us and what if down the road when may need memery care for him. We live one day at a time but checking out all possible angles so when faced w/it can make a decision w/o being stressed out. I know one thing for sure God is walking w/me and will always take care of us. I read these answers daily as some day I may be in that situation or maybe help those who are and don't know where to turn. I feel like I'm at a meeting w/others in similar or will be situation.

Daisychains: I care for my mother who is 85 but that is only 23 years older than me...not a large difference in age and in some ways I am actually worse than her as I have arthritis, back problems, seizures, etc that she does not have. I wonder every single day, what I am going to do when my mother is gone. Will her house have to be sold, where will I live, how can I afford it? I think we all at one time or another have had worries or thoughts about what will happen to us when the person we are caring for is gone, it is only natural.

Although the nurse may have seemed to be noisy or possibly rude in her question to you, it may have been a good question to ask. I know you are worried sick about your husband and just want him well enough to return home, but what will you do if your husband cannot come home to you? Are you financially set to be able to continue to live on your own? How is your health? Do you have children or relatives that can help you with sorting all of this out and assisting you? If you have a close friend, relative, minister or lawyer perhaps you should ask someone to help you look at what your options might be. If you are prepared ahead of time it will make things easier for you and put your mind at ease.

God Bless You and Your Husband!

I don't think that you can actually make firm plans at this point. You'll have to cross each bridge as you come to it. But I think that the nurses question was appropriate. Thinking about options ahead of time will help you be better able to deal with whatever bridge you have to cross.