Not really a question... watching my mother this last week, I believe that her time is near.

Wow, that is a beautiful tribute. I am so sorry for your loss. I did not get to say goodbye to my Dad. So I cannot be helpful there. Someone will have something helpful to say.
I still have my Mom and I love her to the best of my abilities daily as if this one might be the last. As it seems you have done.
I think what you are doing is good. the music, helping her cook, and just being there and loving on her.
Will be praying for you. I can see how wonderful your Mom was through your words and your love for her, and you as her daughter.

Good evening, Enduringlife,

I am not there yet, but I believe I have been saying goodbye to my mother for years. I wonder if, I too, will have vivid memories of being a little girl with my mother.

This is a beautiful post. I pray you both feel the presence of the Comforter during this time.

I had to step back from hands on caregiving in order to regain my compassion for my mother and I'm still working towards reclaiming my memories of the woman she was before. The end is very hard, even when they are very old and you know it is for the best. (((hugs)))

Hugs! She was obviously a very wonderful mother to you for your entire life. What a blessing for you all that you know where she is going, it offers so much peace.

As to your question, my answer is that you are saying your goodbyes by what you wrote in your heartfelt comment. You are richly blessed in those memories...Some of us do not have such pleasant times to recall.

Grace + Peace,
Bob

You said it all. It's all about the love you have for her. Our thoughts are with you.

I think being with her doing exactly as you’re doing is how you say good bye. I too am going through this now. It’s extremely difficult. When my MIL passed last year the hospice volunteer asked us if we told her it was ok to go. We told her that she didn’t have to hang on anymore. We told her she did her job well and that we would be ok and take care of each other. My prayers and thoughts are with you. I’m in tears as I write this.

I think you're doing the best thing that you can. Hold her hand and share in her memories and listen, she may remember something that you don't and you'll have another memory to cherish. Sounds like you are caring for your mother and you'll have no regrets when she's gone. My mom just died on May 29 and I miss her but I know that my sister, brother, and I did all we could to take care of her and keep her home. The last time I saw my mom alive was the morning that I went to the beach. I stopped by her house to tell her good bye and I'd see her when I got back I got a call the next morning that she had passed in her sleep. I cried all the way home but I knew she was better off and I did all I could while she was with me. My mom also started having strange dreams about 2 weeks before she died. She dreamed of her parents. She said she saw a car with her mom and dad in it and the car was going up into the clouds. I guess they came to get her. When your mom goes it will be very sad for you but you will be okay.

I'm sorry for your pain. It is emotionally grueling to say good-bye to someone you have loved your entire life. It seems that each person has to do this in a way that feels right to them. You can get closure in many ways. Examples: You can release your love and pain through prayer or just talking to your Mom even if she can't participate in the conversation. Say everything you need to say. I know what you mean about being a little girl emotionally. And that terrible sense of being alone now. But, you are your Mother's daughter and you will bring her wisdom and heart with you in this life. Love never dies.

You did a beautiful job with your post.
This post shows that your Mom did an awesome job at raising a strong, kind woman.
This is the most one can hope when they raise a child. Sure you want your child to be successful, wealthy, have a great job, live in a big house (that they can afford).
But the TRUE measure of a person is what is inside, what others can't see. Kindness, compassion, forgiveness are among many qualities that she help instill in you. Because of that she will always be with you.
Thank her. Tell her that you love her.


I do hope you are getting help from Hospice. They will help her as well as you, take full advantage of what they have to offer.

What a wonderful mother you have been blessed with and what great memories you have.  Hugs to you as you walk this road. 
To answer your question, my sweet Mama died last October at home with my Daddy and myself by her bedside.  The day the hospice nurse came to meet her was when her body seemed to say "OK, I'm in good hands and I can leave this pain."  I got to see her and my Daddy love each other and smile at each other and say words that I will forever hold in my heart.  And then she started letting go.  I told her how much I loved her, what a good Mama she had always been (she always seemed surprise when I told her this over the years because she didn't think she was) and I told her it was ok to go, Daddy and I would be fine.  (I have lived with my parents for the past 6 years due to their health).  The nurse told us she would most likely not be here long, but I think Mama heard that and decided to show us she would go on her timeline!!! LOL  All those days I just kept kissing her face, telling her I loved her and holding her hand.  Now I'm doing the hard work of learning this new norm of just Daddy & myself.  Waves of grief come at the most unexpected times, but between this forum and another one on facebook, I am reminded that I will continue to move forward.  Yep, I'm 60 and the little girl inside of me sometimes gets scared and wants to stomp her feet.  But my Mama gave me so much of her wisdom, laughter, and strength - I carry her with me as I pass her on to my daughter and granddaughters.  Take care of yourself and a very big hug from a North Carolina daughter.

You put into words so many feelings of how losing my mother made me feel also - it’s so very difficult but you will find those wonderful memories will find a way to sustain you in time.
Peace and love to you and to your wonderful mom!

No one knows the hour.

I started telling my father right after my mother passed and continued for 7.5 years to tell him that when his time came, I understood and was happy he would be reunited with my mother.

Apologize for any shortcomings - we all have shortcomings. I told my DH for 3 years that one day he would be seeing people that passed years ago and not to be afraid. I told him that while not perfect, I believe I did the best I knew how and apologized for the times I might not have given my all. Every day, many many times a day I reaffirmed my love for him and hugged him until it became too difficult to hug him. But I still tried to hug and give him physical contact.

The day he went into the pre-death coma, he was crying when he told me for the last time that he loved me.

I hope this helps you. Don't waste a precious second that you can still tell Mom how much you love her. Don't dredge up the past if there are any negative things you want to say - you can say them at the graveside later on. For now, reaffirm your love and thank your mother for loving you and caring for you.

I told my mom, 'Goodbye for now' since our Christian faith tells us that we will be reunited after death. Like you, I just recounted happy times with her. Though she couldn't respond in any way, science tells us that hearing is one of the last senses to shut down so I believe she heard me. I also played comforting music and hymns and read to her from the Bible (those also were a great source of comfort to me).

I know I'll see her again but I sure do miss her dreadfully, every single day.

Two things
1. When someone is "actively dying" it sometimes helps for the loved ones to give the individual who is passing permission to go. Often times individuals who are in the dying process hold on because they are worried about their loved ones they are leaving behind.

When my grandmother was dying I laid down in bed next to her and told her that we would all be OK. I let her know I would take care of my dad (her son) and that it was OK for her to go be with her husband. She died within 5 minutes of me telling her this.

2. There is a good booklet called "Gone From My Sight" by Barbara Karnes. This booklet gives a guideline while remembering there is nothing concrete about the dying process. It tells you what you can expect to see from someone who is dying from months before death to weeks, days hours. The booklet can be purchased online for $3.00.

Tell her your going to miss her more then the people she gets to meet up with again. That you couldn't be any happier for her and excited about not having to say goodbye because she's going to be so full of hellos to and from her friends and family. Saying goodbye is so full of sadness. Making it a happy moment will make it memorable for the both of you. Heck give her a welcome home party in honor of those who are waiting for her. Celebrate the wonderful life you've experienced together!

My mom just passed away on March 30th. She was on hospice and since she had some dementia she didn't fully grasp when she was at the very end. She slipped back and forth between here and 'there' and saw so many things that I couldn't see while sitting with her. I sat beside her and caressed her head and held her hand and told her stories - the stories she had shared over the years from her own childhood. I retold them to her. I would think she was sleeping and then all of a sudden she would smile, so I know she heard me. She seemed to want to visit the early days the most - when she was a little girl, or especially when she was a teenager and living on the fort with her family during WWII. She loved those days, so those were the stories I told. I would say in an slightly excited voice, "Remember when you would sneak off and go ice skating?" Or, "Remember when you got stuck on the beach when the tide came in and only the cliff was behind you and you had to scramble as best you could?" I know she enjoyed the retelling of her life. I cherish those last days that I spent with her because they were so special and otherworldly. My mom saw things I couldn't see - family members who she hadn't seen in decades. I often apparently brought 'someone' in with me, because my mom would look up and say brightly, "Who is the smiling girl with you?" I started to joke that I was a spiritual Uber driver and bringing in people with me. It was a special time. My mom was ninety and had a good life. I feel like those last days spent with her were truly a gift.

God has you and cerntanly God has her. The body has a way of not wanting to give up. Pray with her. Climb in the bed with her hold her she needs you there more than she needs anything right now. Hold her she loves you and needs you to tell her you will be ok. Take a chance climb in bed with her hold her she needs you there now.

You are an angel, Mom is very lucky to have you, dear...I am so sorry for I know how you feel. My Mom died of cancer back in December, I had just moved and was not with her on her Deathbed but Instead, I came up around Christmas to make all the Final arrangements.
Make sure you Make good with God, Mom with yourself, So it will be Easier to Deal with when the time comes. You have already Accepted that Death is Near, So with The Lord, Just one step away to Know Mom will be in a Better Place and that you were by her Side for the Ride.

You are a loving daughter. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Good bye is never the end. They can do more for you on the other side then ever here. You will see signs she is still with you. She will send a flower in bloom when winters cold has taken them away. She will send birds to sit next to you. She will always be with you. Always remember the amazing person you are.. She does...

I am in tears reading your post, because you sound like me. This is exactly the way I feel about my mom that I take care of. What a beautiful tribute.

Daughter, joining you in prayer🙏🏽At a difficult chapter in you & your mother’s lives that God’s will be done in both of you💕. God is faithful & He is able‼️
Meditate and call to memory the Words of Comfort from our Lord & Redeemer-Jesus Christ: to His friends Mary & Martha:
“Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live:”
John 11:25

Reverend Council🎚📖

I think you've already found your way to do that...and you are blessed to have such a good relationship with your mother. I often wonder how things will go for my mother, for me as our relationship has been somewhat antagonistic.

Dear lady: When your mother crosses over to the "other side," believe me when I tell you that she will send signs in the way of "pennies from heaven." Oftentimes, one sign will be a cardinal who comes visiting. Prayers sent to you, dear lady! Those things were a source of some measure of comfort when my own mother went to be with the Lord.

When my mom was dying, I reassured her that we would be watching over Dad and make sure he was all right. I wanted to sing a hymn to her, but couldn't think of one to use that was appropriate. After she died, I thought of what I wanted to sing: "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling--calling Oh Sinner come home. Come home, Come home. Ye who are weary come home." I had learned that in Sunday school and just couldn't remember it at the hospital. But reassuring her that we would watch out for Dad was important to her and gave her permission to let go and go on.

It helps me to remember this admonition in my faith: "I have made death a messenger of joy! Wherefore dost thou grieve?" That helps with letting go and thinking of them in a much happier place. Yes, I miss them, but why would I want them back from such joy?

My mom died early on Mother's Day before we could go back to the hospital to visit her again. Her favorite flowers--Lilacs--were blooming in her garden and became part of her funeral flora arrangements. And, we believe we will be with her and our grandparents and other loved ones again when we go to the spiritual world. In the meantime, there are things here I am responsible for and I want to do them well. There are others that will need our help, love, and consoling, too.

I like that you feel it is a blessing to be able to care for your mom. I think my mom wanted to die in private to make it easier on us. She had ovarian cancer that had spread and her last days were in the hospital where it was easier to have care for her and deal with her passing. After my dad died, I brought many of the things my mom cared about home with me now. It's like a memory room and sometimes I go there and just reflect on the things that happened and the care she gave to us while growing up, remembering her voice and thoughtfulness, the love I felt and feel for her yet.

Her life has been longer than most & it sounds like she raised a loving daughter & had a lasting marriage. Dying is natural for us though & to die of old age is a blessing. It sounds like you are doing all the right things to make her feel comfort & love. Cherish your moments & although the last ones are hard, remind yourself that it's natural to shut down eventually & as long as she's at peace & you've tended to all her comforts, then all the love she tilled on earth will be carried with her.

Well I am crying as I am reading this beautiful post. My heart goes out to you during this time. I pray that God will give you the strength as you continue on this journey. I took care of my father before he died, he came home from the hospital and died four days later. I was told he had 2 years to live. I lit candles and put soft music on. I held his hand all night and then he passed the next day. My family was all present. I am so grateful I was with in when he died. Taking care of my dad in his last days was a blessing but it was extremely stressful, my father was so strong all his life and to see him weak and frail was heartbreaking but I got through it. His journey is done here on earth and now he is with the Lord. I find comfort knowing I will see my dad again in the next world.
Is hospice involved? Do you have family for support? God bless you for being such a caring daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time in your life.

Thank you everyone for your very kind words, suggestions, and for sharing your personal journeys of losing a loved one.
My mom is still hanging on...she is more on the other side than she is here, but being a strong woman & her constant need to "fix" things, is preventing her from completely letting go and exiting her worldly body.
It is a most difficult time to see her stuck in this in between stage. I am telling her that she's worked hard and now it's time for her to rest....to go home. Dad and so many others are waiting for her.
I believe it's a matter of days now.
Yes hospice is involved and I have a wonderful husband who my mom loves like a son (and vice versa) and a sister who's close by.
Thank you all.❤️

Beth Chapman