No one really knows when God will call us home but watching my mother this last week, I believe that her time is near.

Certainly I am running the gamut of emotions as one would expect. I anticipate a lot of the stress will be alleviated as well as some of the added physical challenges I face, being a caregiver with my own disabilities.

However watching my mother fade away like this is horrific and I just want her suffering to end, I'm not 57 anymore; at this time I am that little girl who put on her mommy's jewelry, the teenager who was more than a handful now hoping I have made up for the pain I caused during those years. The bride-to-be picking out a wedding gown, wanting to see that pride & joy in her mom's eyes.

I caress her head and recall the many costumes made by her hands for all of us kids. The countless meals made from scratch. She's still cooking in her dreams and in her 'visions'.

I recall what a good daughter she was, & what a great mother she is. My memories of her as a selfless, fun (yet always teaching) grandma, bring such happiness at an otherwise heartbreaking time.

She will soon be with her parents and sister & brother. My mom will cross over to be reunited with her husband of almost 66 years.

Knowing she'll be with my dad again makes me happy.

Funny how I am damn near 60 and I feel like a little girl as her mom's hand slips from her grasp and a sense of dread and fear envelope me.

I'm playing some of her favorite music and helping her 'cook'.

How did/will you all say your goodbye?

As to your question, my answer is that you are saying your goodbyes by what you wrote in your heartfelt comment. You are richly blessed in those memories...Some of us do not have such pleasant times to recall.

Grace + Peace,
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Reply to OldBob1936
DILKimba Jun 28, 2019
That’s what I was thinking too.
No one knows the hour.

I started telling my father right after my mother passed and continued for 7.5 years to tell him that when his time came, I understood and was happy he would be reunited with my mother.

Apologize for any shortcomings - we all have shortcomings. I told my DH for 3 years that one day he would be seeing people that passed years ago and not to be afraid. I told him that while not perfect, I believe I did the best I knew how and apologized for the times I might not have given my all. Every day, many many times a day I reaffirmed my love for him and hugged him until it became too difficult to hug him. But I still tried to hug and give him physical contact.

The day he went into the pre-death coma, he was crying when he told me for the last time that he loved me.

I hope this helps you. Don't waste a precious second that you can still tell Mom how much you love her. Don't dredge up the past if there are any negative things you want to say - you can say them at the graveside later on. For now, reaffirm your love and thank your mother for loving you and caring for you.
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Reply to RayLinStephens

Two things
1. When someone is "actively dying" it sometimes helps for the loved ones to give the individual who is passing permission to go. Often times individuals who are in the dying process hold on because they are worried about their loved ones they are leaving behind.

When my grandmother was dying I laid down in bed next to her and told her that we would all be OK. I let her know I would take care of my dad (her son) and that it was OK for her to go be with her husband. She died within 5 minutes of me telling her this.

2. There is a good booklet called "Gone From My Sight" by Barbara Karnes. This booklet gives a guideline while remembering there is nothing concrete about the dying process. It tells you what you can expect to see from someone who is dying from months before death to weeks, days hours. The booklet can be purchased online for $3.00.
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Reply to cjwilson
my2cents Jun 27, 2019
I believe what you say is correct about telling them it's ok. My own experience was my father who was shot in the head. The first time we got to see him, he actually looked sick. Very pale and his face looked like he was upset. Upset doesn't really describe it. Like worried. I begged him to stay. We all did. After talking to the doctors, we learned that, medically, it would take a higher power to save him. They would only allow ICU/Trauma room visitation hours which, to this day, I question because if they didn't expect him to live, why not let the family stay with him. To this day, I have my own belief about allowing a head injury enough time to try to recover. Horrible feeling all these years that we allowed the drs/hosp to push taking him off ventilator and letting it end so quickly. (But that's another story)

Anyway, the next time we were allowed to see him, I said it was ok to go. It is still as clear to me today as it was then - color returned to his face. His jaw relaxed and no longer appeared to be upset, worried, or whatever it was to make him appear tense. Totally relaxed and looked so normal except for the large gauze bandage around his head. After that visit, the ventilator was removed.

From the depths of my soul, I really think he needed us to say it was ok. It was just too painful for him to hear all of us begging him to stay.
When my mom was dying, I reassured her that we would be watching over Dad and make sure he was all right. I wanted to sing a hymn to her, but couldn't think of one to use that was appropriate. After she died, I thought of what I wanted to sing: "Softly and tenderly Jesus is calling--calling Oh Sinner come home. Come home, Come home. Ye who are weary come home." I had learned that in Sunday school and just couldn't remember it at the hospital. But reassuring her that we would watch out for Dad was important to her and gave her permission to let go and go on.

It helps me to remember this admonition in my faith: "I have made death a messenger of joy! Wherefore dost thou grieve?" That helps with letting go and thinking of them in a much happier place. Yes, I miss them, but why would I want them back from such joy?

My mom died early on Mother's Day before we could go back to the hospital to visit her again. Her favorite flowers--Lilacs--were blooming in her garden and became part of her funeral flora arrangements. And, we believe we will be with her and our grandparents and other loved ones again when we go to the spiritual world. In the meantime, there are things here I am responsible for and I want to do them well. There are others that will need our help, love, and consoling, too.

I like that you feel it is a blessing to be able to care for your mom. I think my mom wanted to die in private to make it easier on us. She had ovarian cancer that had spread and her last days were in the hospital where it was easier to have care for her and deal with her passing. After my dad died, I brought many of the things my mom cared about home with me now. It's like a memory room and sometimes I go there and just reflect on the things that happened and the care she gave to us while growing up, remembering her voice and thoughtfulness, the love I felt and feel for her yet.
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Reply to JohnnyJ

Tell her your going to miss her more then the people she gets to meet up with again. That you couldn't be any happier for her and excited about not having to say goodbye because she's going to be so full of hellos to and from her friends and family. Saying goodbye is so full of sadness. Making it a happy moment will make it memorable for the both of you. Heck give her a welcome home party in honor of those who are waiting for her. Celebrate the wonderful life you've experienced together!
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Reply to lucyreyes66

My mom just passed away on March 30th. She was on hospice and since she had some dementia she didn't fully grasp when she was at the very end. She slipped back and forth between here and 'there' and saw so many things that I couldn't see while sitting with her. I sat beside her and caressed her head and held her hand and told her stories - the stories she had shared over the years from her own childhood. I retold them to her. I would think she was sleeping and then all of a sudden she would smile, so I know she heard me. She seemed to want to visit the early days the most - when she was a little girl, or especially when she was a teenager and living on the fort with her family during WWII. She loved those days, so those were the stories I told. I would say in an slightly excited voice, "Remember when you would sneak off and go ice skating?" Or, "Remember when you got stuck on the beach when the tide came in and only the cliff was behind you and you had to scramble as best you could?" I know she enjoyed the retelling of her life. I cherish those last days that I spent with her because they were so special and otherworldly. My mom saw things I couldn't see - family members who she hadn't seen in decades. I often apparently brought 'someone' in with me, because my mom would look up and say brightly, "Who is the smiling girl with you?" I started to joke that I was a spiritual Uber driver and bringing in people with me. It was a special time. My mom was ninety and had a good life. I feel like those last days spent with her were truly a gift.
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Reply to beentheremar

God has you and cerntanly God has her. The body has a way of not wanting to give up. Pray with her. Climb in the bed with her hold her she needs you there more than she needs anything right now. Hold her she loves you and needs you to tell her you will be ok. Take a chance climb in bed with her hold her she needs you there now.
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Reply to Ssyynnthia

Good bye is never the end. They can do more for you on the other side then ever here. You will see signs she is still with you. She will send a flower in bloom when winters cold has taken them away. She will send birds to sit next to you. She will always be with you. Always remember the amazing person you are.. She does...
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Reply to Ssyynnthia

Well I am crying as I am reading this beautiful post. My heart goes out to you during this time. I pray that God will give you the strength as you continue on this journey. I took care of my father before he died, he came home from the hospital and died four days later. I was told he had 2 years to live. I lit candles and put soft music on. I held his hand all night and then he passed the next day. My family was all present. I am so grateful I was with in when he died. Taking care of my dad in his last days was a blessing but it was extremely stressful, my father was so strong all his life and to see him weak and frail was heartbreaking but I got through it. His journey is done here on earth and now he is with the Lord. I find comfort knowing I will see my dad again in the next world.
Is hospice involved? Do you have family for support? God bless you for being such a caring daughter. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this very difficult time in your life.
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Reply to earlybird

Thank you everyone for your very kind words, suggestions, and for sharing your personal journeys of losing a loved one.
My mom is still hanging on...she is more on the other side than she is here, but being a strong woman & her constant need to "fix" things, is preventing her from completely letting go and exiting her worldly body.
It is a most difficult time to see her stuck in this in between stage. I am telling her that she's worked hard and now it's time for her to go home. Dad and so many others are waiting for her.
I believe it's a matter of days now.
Yes hospice is involved and I have a wonderful husband who my mom loves like a son (and vice versa) and a sister who's close by.
Thank you all.❤️
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Reply to EnduringLife

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