Can a non-POA family member sue the estate for 20+ mos of live-in caregiving services? - AgingCare.com

Can a non-POA family member sue the estate for 20+ mos of live-in caregiving services?

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I can not get sibs (3) to agree to meager compensation I first asked about over a yr and a half ago (then $200/wk for live-in caregiving except for an outside 40-hr/wk job). I left a job in another state on a FMLA 5 yrs ago to help my mother. After numerous failed attempts at reasoning with them (and countless hurt feelings), a cost benefit anaylsis of the savings my presence/sacrifice has been to Mom, I can not get them to agree to meet with a mediator because they've continually dismissed my requests to greed. Very recently they agreed to paying me under the table (to avoid taxes) but no retroactivity. I explained that that would be fraud. They have since pulled that off the table.

And most recently they agreed to try, for the first time in over a yr and a half, to chip in and help out with Mom in 4 hr shifts M-F, 5 - 9 pm so I can have some time off after my 9-5 outside job, and some coverage on Sundays. Saturday coverage is still mine bc no one wants to give up their Saturdays. It's about 40+ hrs that they've agreed to help cover. This attempt started on December 15th. I am covering almost half of those 40+ hrs as well as overnight coverage. It's been tense and awkward, but they are trying, right?!

My question is, since I have gotten NO WHERE in trying to reason with them, it was mentioned earlier, elsewhere on this website that one could sue the estate upon her passing. Is that even possible? Is it possible without a caregiver agreement in place (they've refused that idea completely for various nonsensical reasons)? This would be my LAST resort, but might alleviate some of my stress and help me maintain focus while she's still with us.

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Here's an idea: find out what you need to do to be hired by the overnight caregiver service. Look at how much you would make just working weekend, plus your 40 hour a week job. Would that make it possible for you to get an apt and a roommate?
You are trying to set boundaries, but the bros see themselves in the driver's seat. As long as you are a permanent resident of that home and have no where else to go, then they are right, you are powerless. If you are serious about wanting this to be fair, move out. Get paid for what you are doing, but by someone else's family who will appreciate you.
If you do file suit, they will fire you and throw you out of the house. You will claim that is your permanent residence so you can't be thrown out, and that will invalidate your entire case. You are in a corner. I'd walk away so I can come visit mama sometime and enjoy life again!
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What did they offer you as compensation?
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and it was ONLY since the spill/surgery in spring of 2012 and 24/7 recommendation that I ever asked to be compensated. I had been with her 3 yrs prior, but she's definitely declined since then.
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Hi reverse -- yeah she IS 24/7! I can dart out to grocery store and back in less than 45 min (tops!), but AM ALWAYS worried. and it was upon her last spill/surgery/rehab, that I tried to initiate a personal care contract ... and have tried to get it implemented every way I can, but bros refuse it, refuse to meet w mediator.
and to your point (good point I hadn't thought about!) -- there might not be much left in her estate either. hmm ... is that why bros are being so unreasonable?
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Siblings that do not assist with caregiving for parent many times cause this sort of mess, especially when one of them holds the POA. They are afraid of what they will lose if caregiver is paid. The will I'm sure states share and share alike of the assets. But the siblings never stop to think that that statement has more than one connotation, what about equally sharing in the care?! Or if they want to leave the estate intact, tell them they can each pay you out of their own pockets.
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Another thing to consider, which happened to me, is that there will be no estate once she passes.My Moms money ran out years ago but she is still living with us. It cost a lot the more their disease continues, I spend thousands on my Moms supplies, respite, and food, etc, never mind the high heating bills.
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Wiped out, I hope you have daily diaries of what you do because you will need it in court. I still think you should be getting paid now, later will cost you lawyer fees and not worth it IMO. Is your Mom alone at all? If she is, I wouldnt think she would be considered to have 24/7 caregiving needs. I took care of my Mom for 9 years by calling and going over back and forth but she still lived alone. Once she fell, I moved her in with me and she couldnt be alone at all ,thats when I made out a PCContract.
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bless you all for your words of encouragement and support! thank you so very, very much!
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to debralee -- thank you for that head's up, will keep it in mind shd it progress (?)
to Jeanne -- yes I know the bros have it in reverse! I have been trying to get it thru their thick heads since May 2012. amazing that the older bro keeps throwing the fact that he was a financial adv for 22 yrs?! I think it's stubbornness and ego at this point. but their ignorance has been to MY detriment, not theirs.
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Your brothers have it in reverse. It is perfectly acceptable for mother to pay for services to help her stay at home. Medicaid does not expect her to get by without paying her way. It would NOT be acceptable for mother to give you money to pay your own medical bills. Payment for services = OK. Gifts to others = penalties.

Just so you know ...
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