No more sex ever for me??

I know of one lady who 'had a friend' (hubby had early onset dementia). Worked very well for her. The DH was not told, as would have caused pain & more confusion.

Another tried for years to discuss her needs, the lack of intimacy & his refusal for councelling (?depression). He eventually said do what you like & after much councelling, eventually she did (friend with benefits). Sadly the fallout broke the marriage.

Way back in history, for those with money, I suppose an attractive Footman, or even an acquaintance's husband was a little distraction - but left the marriage intact. (Or maybe I watch too many BBC period dramas).

But it's not a laughing matter, could increase depression for the OP. Maybe a good councellor to discuss next steps?

The poor husband is, according to the OP's profile, suffering from depression, incontinence and mobility problems. Bit harsh to divorce him on the grounds of his unacceptable "performance," isn't it?

Unite, do you know what's causing these difficulties? And, how were things before he got ill?

60 is still very young since you could easily live to your 90’s or 100. You either need a friend with benefits or divorce him and get on with your life. No affection at all? No hugs or kisses? Unless he is laying in bed in a coma, that is unacceptable!! Friends with benefits or a divorce!

I don’t have an answer, but welcome to the club. You are not the only one. It’s been over 6 years for me. First chemo/radiation then stem cell, then liver failure, now dementia.
I also miss the kind words, affectionate hugs, the smiles.

don’t know which I miss more.

He's bedridden so he must have a debilitating disease? On medication. Some medications decrease sex drive. Perhaps ask his doctor about a change in medication.

I just have to ask how much of this is physical and how much mental?
You say in your profile that your hubby suffers from depression, among other things. Does he also have an anxiety disorder? They often go hand-in-hand. My daughter suffers from anxiety/depression. When she is having an attack, she often doesn't want to be touched, held, hugged, etc. It's almost like she curls up into herself as a defense response. She was much more like that before she was on medication, which, while not perfect, has made a world of difference for her!

Is your husband on medication for the depression? If not, that's the first place I would start with a doctor. Depression can be such a driving factor in every aspect of someone's life, affecting your physical health as well as mental health. And if he is on medication, and it's one of the side effects, there might be help for that, too. Talk to his doctor about all of this. At this point, you really have nothing to lose, as you said you're very young to be looking at a life without physical affection...

Good luck!

I am kind of with lealonnie1, but you know, I am wondering what the problem is at this early age of 60? You say your husband is bedridden. Can you tell me why? Is he suffering from dementia? You say you have discussed this with him. And what does he tell you.
If you really need more from a relationship now then it may be time to get out of this relationship. If your husband were NOT ill, you would not hesitate, if I am right. You describe someone who is not only unable to give SEX, which wouldn't be unusual, but who honestly has no cuddling nor any affection. That makes you an unpaid caregiver.
He is only 60 which makes me ask how young you are. Let me assume you are his same age. You want affection. Are you to be expected to live 2 decades without it.
We all have differing needs. Many are satisfied to be good "companions" and a support to one another. And many are NOT willing to give up a normal life.
Perhaps you are looking at a placement situation, even a divorce. Or are looking at placement and then having really your own life, joining clubs you may enjoy, whatever, where you will share affection.
I think you will have to handle this your way and would support any way you choose.

A healthy spouse would probably find a friend with benefits, but not until she talks it over with her husband and lets him know how she's feeling about things. You're asking for affection, which is not sex, and he's unwilling, which seems totally unfair and cold. Being under 60 and expected to live like a nun for life doesn't sound right to me. So I am glad I could say this to you BEFORE the martyrs come along preaching about your marital vows and reminding you the "for better or worse" portion. How about HIS vows? Why does he get to be totally unaffectionate and cold while you have to adhere to vows? Just sayin.

Amazing that one of the thing that brought you and DH together....and seemed SO important 40 years ago can become something of the past--as if it never happened.

I, too, have a brother/sister relationship with my DH. 7 years. I'm sad and lonely for affection, even just hand holding would be nice. He's in too much pain all the time for anything...I also suspect impotence, but he will not talk about it. I broached the subject once and he blew up.