So, here's a super quick details:
Age 18-24 I was at home while I went to school/worked. And I was super depressed because of whatever reasons and my parents were constantly sick. It wasn't a uplifting environment to live in.
After college I had no direction, I couldn't find a job so I was still at home.
Then my dad died when I was age 25. My mom and him basically took care of each other. My mom having 13 back surgeries and heart problems. My dad also had heart problems.
So at age 25 I had to then step up and take care of my mother which is 67 now. My brothers had their own lives and families.
I've been taking care of my mom since my dad died and now I'm 30 years old and I'm really wanting a life on my own. I want a husband and possibly kids before I get too old. I also would love to travel and maybe even live somewhere else.
At least I'm running my own business from home now. So I can help take care of my mom and also earn a living. I also do go out with friends once in a while, but nothing like I should be doing.
I realize I'm in a unique situation because most caretakers are older women/men - maybe around 50/60ish, that have already had some sort of life. Have already had kids and have done things.
I feel so hopeless sometimes. And I guess it's my own fault because my mom has offered to move to a Assisted Living Facility. But I'm scared to trust someone else to help her like I do, but I know it's probably best for my sanity and hers too.
I just needed to vent. Are there any other people out there that are in a similar situation?
My mom began helping my grandmother when I was 7 -- this went on for 15 years and the caregiving esclated more and more every year. My mother was in no shape physically to be a full-time caregiver to my grandmother but my uncle woulnd't help, other grandkinds found it depressing and my grandfather was no help. When my mom ended up in the hospital, I stepped in to help as much as I could. I was told by my grandfather at age 14 that since my mom was sick, it was in my lap now.
My parents were also very sick. I am an only child who learned how to write checks by 11 on accounts by 15 and could take over bill paying at the drop of a hat in an emergency. By the time I was 14, my mom had the beginnings of renal failure, at 19, my dad had cancer for the first time.
Years passed and my mom eventually took care of my grandfather too.
I somehow managed to do my homework (even college) in hospital waiting rooms and cafeterias. I dated a nice gentleman I met at work (which I later had to take a leave from to help caregive).
In college I met my future husband and we married. Due to my own health complications (some of which I belive were partially brought on by caregiving), and a severe car accident, I didn't have a child until a decade after marriage.
We now have a care giving situation with my FIL. He is much older than my parents and is 86. Our little girl is 8. He is going to rehab at a nursing home tomorrow. I will not put my child through this. It is not worth it.
My husband will be 50 this week, but I am just in my early 40's.
Your parents married, had a life and children. Do the same. Good luck and hugs.
She is probably writing in somewhere, "How can I convince my daughter to let me go?"
OMG. Dear Jennyd, get a life. All these feelings you have that you are missing out on life are right on the money. Most things in life can be done later or at any time. But you will never recapture the energy and drive of youth. And starting a family does have a deadline ... plus the little detail of finding a partner first. Your mother may need some help for the next 30 years. Putting off living your own life that long is a huge, huge mistake, in my not-so-humble opinion.
Help Mom find a beautiful new home at a facility that can offer the level of help she needs. Help her decorate it. Help her move. Keep an eye on the level of care and service she is getting. Advocate for her if necessary. And while all this is going on, start moving forward with your own social life.
Please, start making a life for yourself. And let us know how this is working out for you. There are going to be lots of bumps on this road. Come back and share your experiences.
You can do this!