I don't have a life. Any other young-ish caregivers?

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So, here's a super quick details:

Age 18-24 I was at home while I went to school/worked. And I was super depressed because of whatever reasons and my parents were constantly sick. It wasn't a uplifting environment to live in.

After college I had no direction, I couldn't find a job so I was still at home.

Then my dad died when I was age 25. My mom and him basically took care of each other. My mom having 13 back surgeries and heart problems. My dad also had heart problems.

So at age 25 I had to then step up and take care of my mother which is 67 now. My brothers had their own lives and families.

I've been taking care of my mom since my dad died and now I'm 30 years old and I'm really wanting a life on my own. I want a husband and possibly kids before I get too old. I also would love to travel and maybe even live somewhere else.

At least I'm running my own business from home now. So I can help take care of my mom and also earn a living. I also do go out with friends once in a while, but nothing like I should be doing.

I realize I'm in a unique situation because most caretakers are older women/men - maybe around 50/60ish, that have already had some sort of life. Have already had kids and have done things.

I feel so hopeless sometimes. And I guess it's my own fault because my mom has offered to move to a Assisted Living Facility. But I'm scared to trust someone else to help her like I do, but I know it's probably best for my sanity and hers too.


I just needed to vent. Are there any other people out there that are in a similar situation?

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I'm 34 and can relate. Sometimes I feel so unique having been doing this since my mid 20's after college, like you! I wish you the best and hope you can travel a bit and have someone watch mom for a weekend to start? I get the trust issue as well....it's not as easy as just saying "ok mom, lets go in that nursing home." It's incredibly hard to break that tie. Do they have adult day care in your area? Maybe she could go once a week or so and you can feel that time apart out. All out situations are so unique, I wish you the best in yours and its nice to know we are not alone in what we do. Stay strong in whatever you decide. Take little steps to achieving your goals. There's no one way of doing things. Take care!
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One thing I've learned since becoming a paid Caregiver three years ago, you must put your own health, and happiness first. Taking care of my boss is a 24/7 job, and she wants constant attention. I can hardly go to the grocery store or post office with out her getting upset. She makes me feel guilty on Fridays when it's time for me to go home to my own family. I worry that the relief caregiver isn't going to give her the care that she really needs or do things the way that are best for her. I never worked a job that takes 96 hours a week of my life from me...it's hard, and my social life and love life are practically non-existent. You MUST take care of yourself first, at any age. Your a good and devoted daughter!
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Honey, please let your mom go to assisted living. Your brothers are also her children and they are not stepping in.
My mom began helping my grandmother when I was 7 -- this went on for 15 years and the caregiving esclated more and more every year. My mother was in no shape physically to be a full-time caregiver to my grandmother but my uncle woulnd't help, other grandkinds found it depressing and my grandfather was no help. When my mom ended up in the hospital, I stepped in to help as much as I could. I was told by my grandfather at age 14 that since my mom was sick, it was in my lap now.
My parents were also very sick. I am an only child who learned how to write checks by 11 on accounts by 15 and could take over bill paying at the drop of a hat in an emergency. By the time I was 14, my mom had the beginnings of renal failure, at 19, my dad had cancer for the first time.
Years passed and my mom eventually took care of my grandfather too.
I somehow managed to do my homework (even college) in hospital waiting rooms and cafeterias. I dated a nice gentleman I met at work (which I later had to take a leave from to help caregive).
In college I met my future husband and we married. Due to my own health complications (some of which I belive were partially brought on by caregiving), and a severe car accident, I didn't have a child until a decade after marriage.
We now have a care giving situation with my FIL. He is much older than my parents and is 86. Our little girl is 8. He is going to rehab at a nursing home tomorrow. I will not put my child through this. It is not worth it.
My husband will be 50 this week, but I am just in my early 40's.
Your parents married, had a life and children. Do the same. Good luck and hugs.
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i agree with bout everyone here. at 50 - 60 ish were more laid back and content and can take caregiving in stride. hope you can find better accomodations for mom. its way not right that you should sacrifice your prime for anyone imo. at your age you have a bundle of anxieties of your own. caregiving is very damaging for you, again jmo..
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I imagine it would be scary to let mom go -or let go of mom? But you can do it and it will work out and be great!! Oh , heck, who wrote the letter to their past self about taking care of their Mom? If you look on a few days older thread there is a post titled something like-" a letter to myself ". Find it, read it, and learn from it. You are a good daughter. Have a good life, too. Blessings!!!
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live your life seeking for the best , you really deserve to be happy ..wish you the best , your mom is happier since she ownes you !!
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All of the above posts Jennyd. Start your own life immediately.
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Hun...seriously your mom will be fine. She wants you to have a life. This doesn't mean that you cannot be a part of hers. I sure hope you consider what these ladies have said. It's no fair to you or your mom. If you are not happy. Your mom is young herself and the assisted living facilities are wonderful for social affairs. Please don't waste your life on what could have been. You will regret it...God Bless
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Great response Jeanne! You need your own life, you deserve it! You are a great daughter but you need to move on now....
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I can't say it any better than Jeanne did. Plus, your Mother needs to be around friends her own age and where she can get speciality care, if needed. Her meals will be provided and they will have activities for her. She probably wants to move and doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

She is probably writing in somewhere, "How can I convince my daughter to let me go?"
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