No help with stroke paralysis and Alzheimer's. What should I do?
My mom is 71 years old. She had open heart surgery March 10th and didn't wake up until the 14th, and that's when the doctors realized she had a stroke. The stroke paralyzed the right side of her body, so she cannot walk, or use the bathroom on her own. She wears diapers and requires someone to help her eat with some foods. So she needs full extensive care. I am her daughter, I'm 18 years old and I am here with her 24/7. My other sister (who is 19) works from 8-2:30 (sun-thurs). She is with me during the afternoons to help.
So far we have been taking care of our mom for 3 1/2 months, with no help what-so-ever. We have therapist and nurses that come out once a week, that stay for 15-30 minutes at a time. My mom has 2 biological daughters (50 & 51) and neither help us take care of her. They are constantly worrying about "how much money she has" and "don't buy diapers, I found some" (turns out to be a bunch of SMALL diapers when my mom is 200pds and in a large), but they get mad when we do. They also get mad when we buy food with her card, but my sister makes 200$ a week for bills, groceries and that's no where near enough to survive off of. My mom gets a ssi check for $1,300.
My question is, what should I do? I'm tired of struggling to take care myself, and my mom. She cries whenever she is awake and once a week she has a 1 hour span where she is happy and smiling..
I need a break and some help please.. I don't know what to do I have no money for myself or a life, & I just graduated online high school in June.
There's a very complicated process with lots of paperwork to come, which is why I said to just call a social worker/crisis worker in now. They are a specialist who can help you take all the next steps and deal with the forms and applications. It's very overwhelming. There's a lot of jargon involved.
There will be many other decisions to make later on, but get the county help involved first. One day at a time. One step at a time.
If anything is confusing, please say so. We've all been dealing with this for years.
As far as money goes - there are government funds to cover your mom's care. Your social worker/case worker has to help you (your mom) apply for it.
If you contact the Adult Protective Services office they will help with the legal paperwork including POA or Guardianship at no cost to you.
There are long term Medicaid Waiver programs in many parts of the country that would have Case Management and Caregivers come in to care for your Mom.
At 18 or 19 years old you both need to have time for school and or jobs. If you do not get the help you need as soon as possible please come back on the forum and ask one of us to help you. Some of us are employed in the Medicaid or Long Term Care Field and can help you figure out where to get help in your area.
Hang in there, Kuddos to you for asking for help!
Does she qualify for a frail elder waiver ?
Medicaid can help with expenses, but I found it very difficult. My parents didn't need it, as the VA covered the majority of their medical expenses.
You will need someone to talk to on a periodic basis. Care Giving can take its on your health. I can't stress that enough. Some churches have free counselors and some communities have mental health clinics that charge on a sliding scale. Many nursing homes have support groups for caregivers.
A good social worker can provide you with some information. Also see if your community has a counsel on aging. The commission on aging might be the same thing. Keep corresponding here. I will post more if I think of something else. I was so busy with my parents, that I preferred groups like this over other support groups. This was just easier to schedule.
Look online for your county's Department of Human Services. Look for something that sounds like "report a vulnerable adult or senior". You call them, and tell them you are in an immediate crisis with a vulnerable adult who needs 24/7 care right now.
If I had uninvolved family who could not come do care work but had opinions, I wouldn't tell them any more than they absolutely have to know after the fact. You don't need more obstacles.
Help is harder to get in some communities, and I am constantly blown away when I hear about professionals who don't take steps to help a situation that obviously needs it.