Is it right for a newly hired live-in caregiver to demand that the family members do not visit or call so that he can train the elder person?

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My 91 year old father lived alone but has increasing trouble with forgetfulness and daily needs. He can dress himself, walk on his own, play the piano and be very charming and with it but then he forgets what happened in the present. He makes numerous phone calls to all our siblings because he can't remember that he just called.This caregiver is trying to train my father to rely solely on him and to change things that my father used to do and that brought him comfort. My brother stayed upstairs in the evenings and the caregiver wants him out and wants us not to pick up my fathers phone calls . I

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Josephine, who found this guy? And how? Who made the decision to hire him? Was the recommendation from a trusted friend?

This is a very suspicious situation. No question, get the guy out and find a memory care facility for dad. Nothing like the company of others to keep caregivers honest. This guy won't even let family visit? There is something very wrong with this picture. Today is not soon enough. Even references can be a setup in a situation like this. Maybe a scam for a scam that includes the caregiver and the references. I hope someone is on the way over there now.
Thank you. That is my feeling/. Some of my siblings are telling me that I am not holding my father's best interests at heart because I am "denying" the level of his impairment and that he needs this new caregiver to take total control of his life for his safety. We've known the caregiver for two weeks. He comes highly recommended but before he moved in he changed the entire house -- threw out or relocated a lot of my father's possessions (in the name of "dust") and didn't ask. My father now thinks he is living in someone else's house and has had panic attacks. He calls repeatedly to me and my siblings Some of my brothers (I have six) think that his calls are a sign that he is losing it more and more and they don't want to be bothered with the burden of answering them. I think they are just a natural reaction to a very stressful change and that the more we can ease his anxiety by being there the better. I see my father four out of six days a week and feel that I have a better sense of his range of behavior than some of them do.. To complicate matters, one of my brothers had been staying overnight at my dad's house before the caregiver arrived to help him if he needed it and because my dad's house was an easier commute to his job. In the process he used to spend time at night watching tv with my father. Now the caregiver and my siblings want this other brother out so that "the caregiver can do his job and my father can not be confused by having a son in the house. I think they are going to make my father worse and take away any of his spirit and personality just so that they do not have to be bothered with his incessant phone calls.
We've known the caregiver for two weeks. I think it is crazy to give him total control.
Re-read your post. The caregiver WANTS your brother out?
Just fire (delete expletive) the caregiver, report to the agency.
This is way more dangerous than you may know.
P.s. Using the word "train" in regards to care taking for an elderly person just makes my flesh crawl!
What was the question? All I can see is red flags!!!

Check to make sure stuff hasn't been stolen, then get rid of this person..

Josephine get rid of this caregiver - isolating a vulnerable adult is classed as psychological abuse:

Psychological abuse
This includes someone emotionally abusing you or threatening to hurt or abandon you, stopping you from seeing people, and humiliating, blaming, controlling, intimidating or harassing you. It also includes verbal abuse, cyber bullying and isolation, or an unreasonable and unjustified withdrawal of services or support networks.
I'm still bugged by this post so here's a few more thoughts: I don't like the verbage in your question. Are these words, "demand" and "train" really accurate? I would be wary of any employee who makes "demands". As for "train" - your dad is a human being not a puppy! As for depending only on him - what happens on sick days or he goes on a vacation - your father would be completely devastated if he felt this guy is the only one he can count on. Lastly, this kind of control is the first step towards financial fraud. I suggest rethinking this caregiver.
Absolutely it's not right! It looks like your post got cut off mid-sentence so there may be more, but I can't see any way this is right. Especially in the beginning it is critical that the family be able to keep a close on eye on whether this caregiver is doing their job properly and is a good fit. If you go along with this guy's plan, you will have no way to know if your father is in trouble, if the caregiver is lazy, or if he is abusive.
While I see some logic in this - I am also seeing a big, red flag. Is this a demand or a request? I think I would also factor in this guys level of experience. I'm assuming you did reference checks and a criminal background check, yes? Personally, I don't think I'd go for it - something about it just strikes me as off and a little too militant. If if were me and I was gonna give it a shot, I would think about installing nanny cams or even the in-home surveillance you can get through cable companies and not make it a secret. The guy shouldn't have an issue with you observing from afar, right? If he has nothing to hide. Also I think I would want to tweek the arrangment to allow for some regular visits and phone calls - it wouldn't have to be daily but at least somewhat regularly, at least in the start.
Hi Everyone,

Thank you for your concern and my apologies for not responding sooner. Thanks to your advice, my siblings and I have had many conversations and discussions. We now have a new caregiver for my father who has been satisfactory so far. We are still considering moving him to an outside facility in the future, but so far things are ok. Thank you again.

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