I am a newbie to the forum. Hoping it will help me manage the emotions of loving but not liking my mother at a later stage of life.

Dementia definitely changes people, my father before entering into a NH got to the point he would get very angry, would hold his walker up in the air (per my mom who was with him 24/7), he even called the police and said he was given nothing but burnt toast and water. they came to the house and my mother knew nothing about him calling.  She was getting burned out herself and after several falls, we ended up putting him into a NH (a good one).  Now........I am sure your mother is mad due to losing her eyesight.......who wouldn't be, and then if she is developing dementia she probably also can't understand some things, etc.  However, YOU should not be spending YOUR money on anything for her.  You can/should contact an Elder attorney and get things figured out, they can help you get Medicaid for your mother if she doesn't have enough funds, but it sounds like IF you are about ready to start your family that she might need to be placed into a NH (there ARE good ones out there, some research would help in finding one).  They are equipped to handle all situations and then you can be relieved of some of the stress because you won't be able to care for your newborn and your mother at the same time.  Maybe her funds can pay for someone to care for her at home, but it will only get worse as her eyesight totally diminishes.  She is mad at the world.  I wish you luck in finding help with this situation.

Wow, Just wow. I am completely amazed by the kind responses and helpful messages you guys have left here. I didn’t know what to expect but this is incredibly precious for me and it’s helping me more than I would have ever imagined. So many relatable stories and well-spoken supportive thoughts.

I think the part that is most difficult for me is to accept that she might have been more difficult than I had realized her whole life, and now it’s exponential and exploding in my face. She gave me a great life and did so much for me but it doesn’t change how unpleasant she gets. I also have to accept that whatever I do, logistically or emotionally to help her, will not fix how she feels inside and therefore will not make her softer or grateful. Because of a emergency repair at her apartment 2 weeks ago, we had to pack everything of hers and leave, I arranged for her to be in a wonderful hotel until I find something else for her. Because she is very independent and mobile I can find a regular apartment but I feel she will always have someone
to pick and argument with. I have sincere empathy for how big this ordeal is for her and I try to make it as easy as possible but we are always really close to fighting often and she gets very hard and doesn’t let anyone talk. She spent 2 days in the hospital last week and complained the whole time how horrible they were. I truly don’t know how to manage it. I hate the feeling of not liking her and her behaviour. I know I will be devastated for a very long time when it’s her time to pass but find our relationship for last few years toxic and completely draining. She is mentioning not having much to live for anymore because of the eviction and I find this so sad yet frustrating. I never felt such a strange equal mix of anger and sadness. I want her to have a happy end of her life but I don’t think I can bring that to her.

Thank you again for all your amazing replies, I read every single one many times.

You're such a dear for going through this with her. Your love and goodness shine. I know that doesn't make it any easier, but you are an inspiration.

I believe it's crucial that any unborn child have a chance to gestate in a peaceful, calm, happy environment. It may sound wrong, but your first responsibility is to the future life, not the one that is nearing its end. I had three children and difference between the first two and then the horrible time I was going through when pregnant with the third dramatically affected her lifelong personality, I believe. (There's research on that!)

I truly hope you find a way to nurture, care for, prioritize and love yourself, your partner, your life and your future baby, despite having been raised by a woman who devalued you all your life, it sounds like, and who has always had a bit of tyrant in her.

I'm Connie and I'm a newbie too. We need support and this seems to be a good place to find it. I'm in a different situation as you because I'm caring for a sibling younger than myself. I'm always willing to lend an ear when u need someone to talk to. Blessings to you in this challenging journey!