I never know what kind of a day it's going to be, good day or bad day. Does this happen to everyone?

It happens to me and I'm only in my 50's .... ;)

I don't know about everyone, but it did to us too. It stands to reason, though - limited reserves of energy, and if one day you're skipping about then the next you're going to need to recharge. As long as it doesn't unduly trouble your mother, I should try not to let it worry you either - enjoy the lively days, and get the ironing done on the quiet ones :)

My mom lives in a nursing home. She has dementia and is 81 years old. I will visit about four times a week. Today was a good day. We chatted, I stayed with her while she got her hair done, and we listened to her Frank Sinatra music(her absolute favorite artist) Tomorrow I can go in her room and she can be crying and just laying in bed. I think it sounds cliché , but try to take every day as it comes. One day at a time . Each day brings new hope and new sorrow also. Try to enjoy the good ones, and take care of yourself during the bad ones. I really think this is normal. With age, medication, sometimes depression, weather, etc. Take care hugs and prayers

We used to have a mix of good and bad. I could usually predict them. Mom loved Sundays. We would go to church and out to eat. She was upbeat. Then Monday would be just the opposite. I guess Sundays wore her out.

Lately all days have not been good. She hasn't wanted to go to church for three weeks now. She asks that I go to the restaurant and get the food to bring home. She never wants to do things now. Little things can change very quickly when it comes to old age. She is 90 with back problems and dementia, so life is painful and perplexing to her.

My husband had good days and bad days with his dementia. Sometimes good hours and bad hours! It is the nature of the disease, I'm afraid.

My mother in the nursing home had pretty consistently good days -- UNLESS she had a cold or a sore somewhere or any physical discomfort.

I'm in my 70s. I have major depressive disorder. It is mostly managed very well, but I, too, have "bad days." I try just to be gentle with myself on those days and remind myself that this won't last forever. Tomorrow will be a better day!

As others have said, take advantage of the good days!

Churchmouse, what is ironing? Is it some kind of electronic game? I think I'd rather read a book. :-)

LOL. I noticed no one has liked CM's answer yet, even though it is a very good answer. They probably got to the ironing part and scrolled on down. Ironing is worse than digging ditches.

Every time i went in to see my mom i never knew what state she would be in. I said "Mom's like a box of chocolates, I never know what I am going to get"
and it varied by the hour!

Thank you

Oh I loved the part about ironing! I still iron and find it relaxing. When I was a teen my dad allowed me to iron his Navy clothes. I was so proud to do it precisely how the Officers were required to be so starched and pressed. Thank you for helping me remember that. Also, my mom does similar things like not getting dressed some days. I do t question it.

I never could figure out how to iron. The ironing board didn't seem to fit anything. You had to drape the clothes this way, then that way. And getting the pant leg creases right, with everything ironed on both sides of both legs was torture. Then ironing the top part. Grrr. By that time the legs needed ironing again. No wonder I like blue jeans and t-shirts.

I used to iron my father's shirts on occasion and I loved the smell of the cologne. Cant think of name. Old Country or something but my mother sold Avon back then.
I used to iron my uniforms and my son's uniforms. His weekly mine on daily.
One of my favorite aunts now deceased said she didn't iron. I guess only on Sunday she was alwways well done.
Anyways I am hip. Like she said I fold my clothes out the dryer and thats it. Now I don't know what will happen in summer when there no need for coats or boots. Im new to the game. :}

I would suggest You take it what ever way it comes, and not to worry as after all Your Mom is 93 years God Bless Her, and She's entitled to a bad day too same as the rest of Us....You are so Blessed Mypetunia to have Your Mother grow into Her Elder years with You, and to be so alert and sprightly most of the time. Enjoy every moment.

I saw your question and immediately thought "I'm only 60 and I have good and bad days!!"..so to see that as the overwhelming answer made me feel sorry for all of us :)

I used to joke with my kids (As I stood ironing their endless piles of clothes) You have good days, you have bad days and you have day days. Be grateful for them all. The good days lift us up, the bad days remind us that it rains on the rich and poor alike the 'day days' remind us we should often just be glad to be alive.

I wouldn't fuss too much about my elderly mom's "moods"....her world spins on a tiny axis of its own. She'd be thrilled to be able to set up her ironing board and iron again (seriously).

That is what I never got used to, the changes. I like knowing what I'm up against and that doesn't happen with this desease. I found Church was overwhelming for Mom. She wouldn't participate. Our Church puts the weeks sermon on their website. So, I would set up my laptop so Mom could watch it. She got so involved she thought she was at Church.

Duck,
Wild Country.
Liked your post, so sweet what you said about me earlier. Thank you!

When I was struggling with good days, then bad days, I made some coping rules for myself.
Never make appointments on a Monday.
Never make more than one appointment a day.
Make appointments or obligations to go out every other day instead of the next day.
While this is my preferable scheduling, I often can do more, but get easily caught up in doing too much.
These days, it is often "Just two things daily".
I often must break my own rules, and suffer fibromyalgia pain.

Certainly does happen. Expect the worst; hope for the best.

Well I haven't ironed now for about 18 months and I do miss the crisp clothes. I also no longer hang the laundry on the line to dry. Many days are also spent in my nightgown as that's the most comfortable.
I save most of the wash for the day before my cleaner comes then I can fold it but she will put it away. I only fold it because I fold differently and it annoys me to look in the linen cupboard and see all the towels stacked the "wrong" way. This wonderful woman does so much for me I would never criticize. I went out and found the front path shoveled this week and I know the deer didn't do it and the cat hadn't been out.
I read so many articles on frugal living and they always advise not using the dryer to save money but they don't go on to tell you how to save on the Dr bills when your back hurts.
Talking aout being frugal which we weren't I made my first visit to the local thrift store yesterday. I haven't been in months and that for me was an interesting outing even though I only spent $2.
f your loved one doesn't want to go out and participate at the senior center to keep her "active in mind and body" try and find something she actually does enjoy.It really does not matter if she is never able to use that piece of cloth she paid 50 cents for it is the planning that keeps her active and interested. I don't want to go to the Y and join the elders swim meet every morning even though I like swimming. I just don't want to think of myself as part of that group however nice they may be. I'd rather keep my sagging boobs and varicose veins to myself.
Riley paints a picture of herself confined to a NH because of physical limitations although she still has a good mind but she does not want to participate with other residents in the activities because she is still young at heart.
Looking forward to Bingo and happy hour is not my idea of fun. I have a bottle of my favorite beverage hidden some where. I even had hubby bring a mini fridge to my hospital room so I could actually eat real food. I wasn't stupid about it but anyone who has been forced to eat cream of wheat made with water and no sugar will understand what I mean.
I am rambling now so had better stop and make myself a cup of coffee with 1/2 and 1/2 added. Not that is not on the diet either but my moto is moderation in all things. Why I even had about 2 oz of sherry last night!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes most certainly! As a caregiver to my brother with Alzheimer's, each day/moment can be different for him and me. Being a caregiver is not an easy task, physically and mentally taxing, I find myself either wanting to get everything done or just vegging out and do nothing. Some days I'm up, others blah. I just go with it these days, realizing what it's all about, the cause. With my brother, in the early stage he had more bad days/moments. I can't believe I weathered it out, questioning myself and decisions, wonder how fast 6 years have passed. Higher functioning at that time, his approach was to deny the bad news, so, after being told by the best of the best doctor that's what he did. He wanted all to be the way it was, who wouldn't, so, even though he had reached out to me for help, he was in fight and flight mode 24/7. Now, probably in the beginning of a late stage, his bad moods have lessened, yet evident, but I find it is easier to let him do as he wants, as long as he is safe. I know more than ever I cannot reason with him, I have to fib so things are easier to get done, have to know when to walk away and start again. I don't think he knows me all the time, see the blankness more, maybe why the caring is easier??? My answer is to just go with the flow, let your mom have her way, as long as all is good. Does it matter when or where they eat or sleep? What they are wearing as long as they are clean? It is all about him these days, as it has been really, trying to make this terrible journey not as dark and scary for him. I have tried to keep him in the here and now, with everything the best I can do. You know that's why I made this choice, chose decisions. Be thankful your mom is still with you, enjoy the good and bad, she is entitled really, and you as well for caring and loving still. Somehow we get thru, manage quite well each turn in the road. God Bless

I love a lot of the above answers. The only comment I'm going to make is I don't mind ironing, it is somewhat relaxing, but it appears that people under 30 or 40 don't know what it is or how to do it! LOL
My mom is 81 with dementia and she absolutely has good days and bad days. I use to get upset on the days she wouldn't get up out of bed, but I realized that it was just what she needed to do.
I always refer to the switch with the aides, because mom's mood can change on the fly, like someone turned the switch on or off for a good day. :)
I have learned to accept that each day is a new day and within that day each hour and minute can bring about something new and different. It took almost 3 years to get use to this constant change. I feel like every day is like a roller coaster ride of emotions and behavior. I still struggle with the unknown of the disease, but I've come a long way.
Good luck. Don't be so hard on yourself. Take care of yourself.

Yup. Typical. Except, in my case...include the aphasia that is very much worse on the bad days.

This is life now.

My 90 year old mother goes in cycles........up and happy, to down and miserable, like a roller coaster. At first, I'd contact her doctor thinking she needed a higher dose of anti depressants, and nothing worked. N-O-T-H-I-N-G. I started keeping a journal of sorts, documenting her erratic behavior from one day to the next. That journal started depressing ME, so I stopped. Seems to me, she has a cycle of a few good days followed by a few bad days every week. It is what it is. No medication can fix old age, really, or depression over losing a husband of 68 years. I've quit trying to 'fix' the situation and just take each day as it comes. If there is a serious health situation going on, the ALF will notify me. If not, she's just going through her cycles and it's best for me to accept it.

My mother died of Alzheimers 13 weeks ago. At home. We had at home hospice. By then I defined a good day as one where she woke up and gave me a smiles and kisses (as best she could) and let us get the hand brace on.

I miss her so much.

MYPETUNIA, You can only live in the moment. Days will vary in accordance to how Your Mother feels. My own Mother had days when She did not feel like getting up and remained in bed, and the odd time it was for two days running. I used to lay on top of Mothers double bed and bring Her mind back to Her Childhood days when She was a little Girl growing up with three Sisters & three Brothers in a two bedroomed thatched house....Mothers eyes would light up like a Christmas tree when recalling these beautiful memories, and suddenly Mammy was a little Girl again. It was beautiful, and now sadly It is I Who has these memories. How delighted I am to have shared this journey with My beautiful Mother, as Her memory will be My keep sake forever.

Thank you all for your advice. Makes me feel good that someone understands.

My 92 year old mother lives alone in a senior apt and has mild dementia losing so much weight try to get her in assisted living but she only had social security and medical-cal, applied for a waiver but she must disenroll scan and be on medi-Medi. This is all New for me so I call the new geretric doctor who my mother will see in a couple weeks for her evaluation and suggestion. She is only getting 2 hours of caregiver help from Scan which only does housekeeping she has meals in wheels which she hates, she sleeps in her reclined sitting up and now has a crocked neck from dropping her head down. She crys alot, depressed and lonely -sleeps a lot acusses everyone of stealing only to turn around and find the item. I've been taking care of her for eight years and have gastritis and now I need to take care of me. My husband has a defibulator/pacemaker since 2005, this is his third one, plus he's always going into the hospital everyear for infections that spread throughout his body even coming home where I would have to administer his medication in his IV twice a day for 11 days I told him don't put me thru this again. Today I found a support group I am going to attend and am looking forward to it. God Bless all of you.

Ironing? I enjoy ironing - Really!! It's vacuuming I hate with a vengeance! I, too, am learning good/bad/day days. My Hubby is in a Community now. 94 and healthy except of mind. Dementia. He is very easy going. I'm 74. I'm pacing myself instead of rushing in to doing things I have planned for myself. But, I have notes so I don't forget to do something.

*Laughs* I have good days and bad days myself and I have not hit 50 yet!!!! I know what you mean though, Mom has dementia and some days she is more cognitive than others. I never know what I will get either! I am starting to notice that I am getting wiped out far more frequently now and want to sleep a lot more. Call it stress, change of life hormonally, the winter doldrums or all of them together. I am wanting to stay in bed myself and just sleep! Isn't that awful? Maybe 5 years of being sole cargiver is wearing me out cumulatively. I dream of going to Bora Bora and sitting in one of those little huts out on the clear blue water where I can just clear my mind and be free of responsibility and worry for a while.

Oh, Rainey69, I hear you. Before my Hubby went into the Residence last week, all I wanted to do was sleep. And Bora Bora didn't sound bad either. Actually, I just wanted to go on a 2 week cruise ship anywhere! Maybe I still will. It is NOT awful to want to sleep in!!

I remember my grandmother (passed at 98) and my mother (passed at 89) both doing the same sort of thing. Gotta remember, as you grow older your body slows down and doesn't work like it used to (thats why there are gerontologist doctors).
I'm 74 and 6 years in with FTD and Lewy Body dementias. My day changes back and forth as it goes along--sometimes as fast as every few minutes. I generally sleep 10-14 hours, up a couple of hours, then nap 1-2 hours, and sometimes nap again later (doesn't disrupt nighttime sleep patterns at all). My wife (bless her heart) recognizes this and just leaves me alone, which is what I would bet your mother wants too.