I had this situation years ago. My elderly next door neighbor was blind, living alone and managing okay. She asked if occasionally my young daughters could come over to help her knit, because she could no longer see dropped stitches. They had a wonderful time doing this.
Eventually she fell, broke her pelvis and insisted on coming home ofter hospitalization. Her eldest daughter called and asked if we could take over "keeping an eye on her" and offered, after I politely refused, to pay for the help. Her mom needed grocercy shopping, doc appointments and day to day case management. I gave a firm no.
When I moved to Ohio I asked God to find something for me to do that would help others. Be careful what you ask for. LOL. I ended up being the local uber driver for four friends of mine. Took them to appointments and stuff. Turns out I loved doing it. I never asked but they would pay for gas or take me out for lunch and stuff like that. One has died, one has gone blind and I still help when I can but not any where near as much, Another has visual problems but I never saw anyone so independent. If I or my friend can't take her she'll Uber, take a taxi, ride her bike walk, or a bus. She always gives me gas money, gives me ukulele lessons, buys me stuff and just a wonderful person all around. I keep telling her she doesn't need to give me gas money as her companionship is more than enough. I REALLY like being around her. I even got to take her (before the virus) to ukulele gigs (she's a professional singer) that she was doing at a memory care place). What fun getting to hear her sing and play. So sometimes you get back ten fold what you give out. I feel needed and they get the help they need and I've made some great friends.... Help when you can, give a gentle no when you can't.
Theoretically NONE BUT Be cautious. this could suck the life out of you. You see how difficult it is for family to care for a family member it is even more so if the person is not related. UNLESS you are a paid caregiver. What you might see as a "need" family may see you as an interloper. What you might see as "neglect" might be the base care the family can give. You give no details in your profile as to why you think this person needs care, or why they need your care. If you want to be "neighborly" you can shovel the walk, bring the mail to the door, offer to go shopping. If you are concerned and you know the family you can bring your concerns to their attention. If the concerns are of safety and they go unheeded you can contact APS. If there are other concerns there is always the Police, Fire Department, code Enforcement if the concerns are about the building, Do what you feel right doing but be prepared to step back. If it gets to be more than you can handle then you can call whatever department you think appropriate BUT do not let this consume you. An hour or two once a week can turn into 8 hours every day before you know it.
If you shovel the walk and she then has a fall you could be sued for negligence or causing an accident - this is one where common sense seems to be second to litigation, I would be very careful about helping in this way.
Be cautious also that this isn't a slippery slope. My nice elderly neighbor went from hello to requests to shovel to requests to get groceries when we went to the store to requests for rides - before we new it we were at beck and call.
He was hurt and angry when we said we could no longer help him. He didn't want to pay for services and requesting senior services - he would have to admit he was losing his independence.
whoa yeah. I am giggling because this has happened in my current circumstances living with my elder parents....I am perfectionistic and as my mother never stood up for herself, she was dad's servant, there for his every demand/need, keeping the house tidy and cooking, cleaning, laundering etc. Mom has dementia and so with her failing to do what she did, I slid into the role and it has taken its toll with no one else to help. Oh, I was at the point for getting some cleaning help lined up...and then COVID hit...and not wanting to expose ANY of us, I figured dust never killed anyone. I wound up critically ill as in almost died....and I have scaled way back. In fact last night I finally got fed up and left Dad a note that began "I am NOT your MAID" and advised him if he couldn't use the microwave without making a mess, then DON'T use it. I had burned all my energy running grocery errands etc and when I came home I had to put all of it away, hiding things from my demented mother which takes so much energy. When I opened the microwave food debris was spewed on the door and the paper towel on the plate was soaking and the ceiling was messy as well. My father thinks he is very independent and self-sufficient but he would not be if not for me or prior my mother. To protect my own health and well-being I am scaling back. Actually told him to make his own MD appt (he is deaf but has a captel phone). Good luck.
None. Neighbors are tricky because they live close and can end up being a huge burden. What is going on with your neighbor that brought you to this forum and ask your question?
Its really a shame. We are taught to help each other. I have had it too, volunteered to help GFs Mom, no problem there. But then GFs husband had to go back to work to pay her medical bills. So DH volunteered to drive her special Van to get Lab tests done and appts. Then her 20 something daughter has health problems and we are taking her. Then oldest daughter, in her 30s, comes home and may need rides to doctors. Thats when I put my foot down. This daughter had problems, her Mom was going with her to see if daughter was telling her the truth. I told my DH he could take them this once but he needed to make it clear that we would not be driving T to doctor appts. She had friends in town that can do that for her or find doctors that she can take a taxi to. I did not want to get involved in the drama.
We are taught to help but I think many of us, myself included, were not taught to say no. Or how to know when it’s time to say no. Clearly my mother wasn’t taught which why she ended up in the situation she did with her neighbor. And I learned from her and now I don’t know when to say no LOL!
As with anything else, you have to set boundaries. Robert Frost wrote "good fences make good neighbors" for a reason. Offering to grab a loaf of bread from the store before an impending snowstorm is ok, as long as the neighbors don't take that offer to mean you are now their brand new "instacart" service, if you catch my drift. If you get too deeply involved, you might be in for more than you bargained for. Remember the old Chinese proverb "if you save a life you become responsible for it." If you feel like you are getting dragged in too deep, it's time to take a step back.
You remind me of a friend's tale. She has a kind heart & helped an elderly neighbour when she dropped her groceries in the hall. Took them inside. Saw how hard it was for her neighbour to carry things home, especially the heavy items. So friend offered to bring back milk or a few items on her own shopping days. Says just call me.
One month later... Ring ring. A long shopping list is replayed over the phone. "I'd like this brand, this size & today would be better for me than Thursday".
Fast forward 2 months... Ring ring "if you are heading to the shops I'd like choc chip cookies". Ring ring "I'd like some more biscuits please". Ring ring "the biscuits are empty again".
Well that was a learning curve! Easy to offer, easy to be sucked in, harder to get out of. But she did. Asked for the next of kin number (for emergencies) called & gave notice as shopping helper.
Don't start something you are not prepared to continue indefinitely. If your neighbor is in an unsafe situation call adult protection services, immediately.
I think watching out for neighbors can be a very good thing. One time we had a senior neighbor we used to chat with. She was single and relied on a group of caregivers. Her POA had a wife with medical problems so he didn’t always check on her with any frequency. We began to notice one caregiver who literally moved in. Then she brought her son and his girlfriend to live there. We were first responders on her panic button but it was hard to know what to do. One night, the neighbor was alone and pushed her panic button. This allowed us to see, first hand that she was being isolated and abused. She had been confined to her bedroom, left in filth, and her Mail was being screened. We called Adult Protective services immediately and they responded quickly and appropriately. This isn’t the same as doing daily chores, but neighbors who care can really make a difference.
I've been anywhere from 'not involved at all' to 'there for every drama involved'. It really depends on the neighbor and the needs they have and your basic desire to be involved or not. It takes time to figure out what kind of neighbor they are.
My young next door neighbor has an abusive DH who finally moved out a year ago and she is now going through an ugly divorce. She NEEDS a calm voice of reason, and I can be that. Actually her, DH has set up listening devices all over the house, so she can't even have a conversation that isn't being recorded. She knows she can come to my house and cry and vent and I'm just going to listen. I AM NOT involved in the divorce.
I've had neighbors who wanted to come over and chat all day long--and I have stuff to do. I've had to be tough with them and say "If the front door is closed, don't even knock. I won't answer'. It seems rude, but it worked.
When I was treating cancer and so, so sick, my next door neighbor and dear friend just brought over dinner 3-5 times a week. She is the best cook and the most angelic person on earth. Since I had no energy and certainly no desire to cook, she kept me fed. Over 100 dinners, and each was wonderful and the love behind them---she literally kept me alive.
It can take years to figure out how to treat a neighbor. I tend to let them set the pace. They move in, I take a treat and my contact info on a 3x5 card and let them know I'm here, if they need anything. Then the ball is in their court.
And yes, I have been abused by people who think that if you clean their bathroom once, you're going to come do it 5 times a week.
I try to get to know all the 'kids' as I feel like we all need to keep an eye on them, and I'll accept packages for someone else.
Every case is different and it's a 'tread lightly' situation. I'd never, ever say "never get involved"..we need each other!
Eventually she fell, broke her pelvis and insisted on coming home ofter hospitalization. Her eldest daughter called and asked if we could take over "keeping an eye on her" and offered, after I politely refused, to pay for the help. Her mom needed grocercy shopping, doc appointments and day to day case management. I gave a firm no.
BUT
Be cautious.
this could suck the life out of you.
You see how difficult it is for family to care for a family member it is even more so if the person is not related. UNLESS you are a paid caregiver.
What you might see as a "need" family may see you as an interloper.
What you might see as "neglect" might be the base care the family can give.
You give no details in your profile as to why you think this person needs care, or why they need your care.
If you want to be "neighborly" you can shovel the walk, bring the mail to the door, offer to go shopping.
If you are concerned and you know the family you can bring your concerns to their attention.
If the concerns are of safety and they go unheeded you can contact APS.
If there are other concerns there is always the Police, Fire Department, code Enforcement if the concerns are about the building,
Do what you feel right doing but be prepared to step back. If it gets to be more than you can handle then you can call whatever department you think appropriate BUT do not let this consume you. An hour or two once a week can turn into 8 hours every day before you know it.
He was hurt and angry when we said we could no longer help him. He didn't want to pay for services and requesting senior services - he would have to admit he was losing his independence.
If you get too deeply involved, you might be in for more than you bargained for. Remember the old Chinese proverb "if you save a life you become responsible for it." If you feel like you are getting dragged in too deep, it's time to take a step back.
One month later...
Ring ring. A long shopping list is replayed over the phone. "I'd like this brand, this size & today would be better for me than Thursday".
Fast forward 2 months...
Ring ring "if you are heading to the shops I'd like choc chip cookies".
Ring ring "I'd like some more biscuits please".
Ring ring "the biscuits are empty again".
Well that was a learning curve! Easy to offer, easy to be sucked in, harder to get out of. But she did. Asked for the next of kin number (for emergencies) called & gave notice as shopping helper.
My young next door neighbor has an abusive DH who finally moved out a year ago and she is now going through an ugly divorce. She NEEDS a calm voice of reason, and I can be that. Actually her, DH has set up listening devices all over the house, so she can't even have a conversation that isn't being recorded. She knows she can come to my house and cry and vent and I'm just going to listen. I AM NOT involved in the divorce.
I've had neighbors who wanted to come over and chat all day long--and I have stuff to do. I've had to be tough with them and say "If the front door is closed, don't even knock. I won't answer'. It seems rude, but it worked.
When I was treating cancer and so, so sick, my next door neighbor and dear friend just brought over dinner 3-5 times a week. She is the best cook and the most angelic person on earth. Since I had no energy and certainly no desire to cook, she kept me fed. Over 100 dinners, and each was wonderful and the love behind them---she literally kept me alive.
It can take years to figure out how to treat a neighbor. I tend to let them set the pace. They move in, I take a treat and my contact info on a 3x5 card and let them know I'm here, if they need anything. Then the ball is in their court.
And yes, I have been abused by people who think that if you clean their bathroom once, you're going to come do it 5 times a week.
I try to get to know all the 'kids' as I feel like we all need to keep an eye on them, and I'll accept packages for someone else.
Every case is different and it's a 'tread lightly' situation. I'd never, ever say "never get involved"..we need each other!