This is an embarrassing question, but has anyone ever neglected to take care of themselves due to stress and exhaustion?

JessieBelle, Thank you for the nice compliment. I got that dress last year to wear to my cousin's 5th wedding, a lavish formal affair. That dress has lasted longer than the marriage! My moods slip too. Big time. I try to keep my sense of humor and need my early morning exercise class to raise my endorphins and escape. Your idea for a depression fighting thread is brilliant! You and others on this site have lifted my spirits many times.

Same here regarding the abs... years ago I was a gym rat, use to go every other day. Advance forward 7 years and where in the heck did the roll of fat around my waist come from? Make that two rolls of fat !! I use to like hopping on the scale at the doctor's office, now I am scared of it :0

mallory my mom also passed this year. I also have an impeccably groomed sister.
She has been inviting me to go to Lunch and I just don't want to cause I am not that impeccably groomed and my abs have not been worked out much either. I feel your pain. But I don't think its too late for us. Hang in there!

My mom passed away earlier this year and I still haven't gotten myself to the dentist, I think it's been 3 yrs. I did make sure she got there! And that her bill was paid! But doing that was enough, so that my own maintenance appts just never happened...it is so hard to make things happen for mom, that I just had no energy left to make things happen for me. Now she is gone, I imagined I would just snap back into action and get myself together, but it is not "happening". It could be grief, or depression, or darkness of Winter. Maybe a little of each. I wish I were one of my sisters who are impeccably groomed and dressed (and had been working their abs for past 30 yrs). I sincerely hope it is not too late for me!

Exactly FF. I sometimes worry I've going to pull my whole tooth out and then my gums start bleeding. ARGGG!!!!!!

Gershun, don't you hate it when the floss gets caught between the teeth.... now what? Do I spend the rest of my life this way? Do I use floss to get the other floss out?

Ya know what I hate to do. Floss. They say its sooo important and I know it is but what a pain it is to do. Especially the back teeth.

timbuktu, ah yes the chore of even bushing one's teeth... there are days I am to emotionally drained to bush my teeth so I just grab the mouth wash.

Today my boss was thinking maybe we could wear jeans more often than on Fridays. I was thinking "YES".... but he probably won't do it as his signature image is full business suit along with the fancy looking handkerchief in the pocket. He looks like he stepped out of a Gary Grant movie.

yogalove and yogagirl are so similar. I get so confused. :)

But really, I think I could have written what I did to all of us.

Yogagirl, you seem to have it so together. And that picture of you is gorgeous. I love that shade of blue. Maybe we really do all have it together, but time has worn on. It surprised me when my mood started slipping and I stopped wanting to go do things. I realized it was depression. I don't think it's clinical for many of us. I think it is situational. I don't think we can meditate ourselves out of it. I get the feeling that a lot of it could be relieved by getting our metabolism up and focusing more on ourselves and happiness. Maybe we need a thread on natural ways to fight depression, since the same thing might not work with anyone.

I wish I were fit enough to run. If I were to try I would probably collapse in about a half block. I would really love to have a safe place to hike. I'm kind of scared to around here. I'm afraid that I would be on the news a few months from now: "A body was found and is believed to be that of an elderly woman JessieBelle." What a way to go... and to be called elderly on top of it. Grr.

Everyone here has been so helpful and encouraging. I have been experiencing so much shame as a result of my self-neglect. I do suffer from depression which I can battle if I really set my mind to it, but some days it just wins and gets the best of me. Lately, I feel as though I stopped fighting. This time of year is especially tough because the nights feel so very long and lonely. To be honest, my father is not exactly a pleasant person. Actually, he's simply not nice. Being around him as much as I am weighs heavily on my heart. He sucks the very life out of me some days which makes it so hard to find the motivation to even stand in the shower. I have, though, started to take steps towards fixing this problem. News2this - your post, along with everyone else's - was so, so helpful. When I fall into this kind of a trap, I feel like I need a concrete plan of attack. You are right about the hot shower; I instantly feel better once I'm under the water. I just need to always remember that feeling when all I want to do is hide once my father is asleep. I feel like caregivers should make a video about this - how to take care of yourself in the most efficient way possible. It is indeed those little things that matter - the mascara, new socks and underwear, fresh clothes, hot showers. I've started putting make up on every morning again. It sounds extremely vain and superficial, but I DO feel better and more confident when I look in the mirror and see a better version of myself. When I look like crap, I feel like I might as well just let it all go. I keep thinking about how stupid my screen name is and it's making me laugh. I'm a certified yoga teacher...one would think I'd have a way to tap into some inner peace or find spiritual enlightenment somehow. Nope. Not even close. Chanting Om doesn't make me want to hope in the shower. Thank you everyone. I have to remember to find time to visit the forums as the community here is so inspiring and makes me feel less alone.

You are all so great! ohJude, timbuktu, I love febreze! freqflyer, your post read my mind! It's a full time job to stay healthy and well groomed. Then add preventative health care. I already have a full time job caring for my folks and running dad's biz. I bathe and brush at stupid o'clock as ohJude puts it, which I assume means before dawn. Then I squeeze in exercise and throw a long skirt and jacket on over my leggings, which is pretty much my uniform these days.

I have found that Febreze can work as a body deodarant(only use this on myself).I relate to being to tired to take a shower myself,just brushing my teeth is another chore.Trying to remember if I took my own meds.Haven't seen a dentist in 2 yrs. and the last MD I saw was a doc in the box for my finger that my poodle bit.I did at least get a tetanus shot.Currently trying to diet which is actually doing well all things considered. But yes I relate to the "just as long as mom is clean/dry/medicated/fed/in bed/ no falls then I don't care if I am not clean/dry/medicated/fed/in bed and I am fairly certain I didn't fall but almost.

Hi JessieBelle I certainly don't want to live to a big age. Likewise many of my friends who have watched elders decline over many years. I think many people (not all by any mens) become victims of old age. It seems to me that modern medicine prolongs life beyond the point at which people should pass on.

Does anyone else have the thought running in their minds that they don't want to get old? After watching my father and now my mother go through long, miserable marches through the grave, I dread the thought of living to a ripe old age. When I hear that I need to do this and that so I can live a long, long time, all I think is meh. Why would I want to live long enough to see my mind evaporate like I saw in both my parents? I just pray the Lord grants me good enough health until poof! it's all over.

That is a bit of a depressing sounding thought, but it wasn't meant to be. Until someone finds a cure for dementia that seems to run strongly in my family, I really don't want to live a long life. It is probably because what I've seen in my parents is the last 10-15 years is just a long death without much fun.

Something hard about being older ourselves is that we spend such a large part of our lives taking care of our parents, then we have very few good years (if any) left for ourselves. We really owe it to ourselves to pick ourselves up each day and enjoy life as much as possible that day and not say we are going to enjoy life after our parents are gone. Since people seem to live forever now, no matter how unhealthy they are, we can't put off enjoying our own lives and taking care of our needs.

Gershun, how true that is if we get sick then what. Had my annual physical last week and the doctor asked if I had my annual mammogram?... saw my Oncologist this year?.... had a required colonoscopy done?... saw the Dermatologist?.... saw my Cardiologist for needed tests?... dentist?.... it was no, no, no.... did see the eye doctor :)

My doctor just didn't understand when one has one elder parent that's a lot of waiting rooms to be sitting. Now try two elder parents. Heck my Mom last year at 96 had a mammogram done with me waiting with her the whole time, and after the fact her saying "they don't know what they are doing". Well, its been taking two x-ray techs to help Mom because she is so frail and sometimes they have new machines which my Mom doesn't like. Her GYN says that Mom insisted on getting them even when the doctor said she didn't need to keep going.

I actually think its OK to feel too tired exhausted fed up pissed off totally to b other with some things. I do wash every day - I usually shower at stupid o'clock in the morning but just now and then - when the devil takes me I spend an hour with my feet in a foot spa a face pack on and lovely perfume sprayed around. Why? Haven't a clue but its like I NEEEEEEEEEED it and I have to say I feel wonderful for it. I also find that however much of a drudge it may be for you keeping the house as clean and tidy and sweet smelling as I can makes a huge difference to how I feel. And on that note....I better do some cleaning!!

Jeanette, I'm not sure I recognised it at the time, but this was me. And reading all the posts now, makes me a little bit sad that we neglect ourselves so. My mum is now in an ALF and I'm slowly starting to take of myself again - though it's hard to remember how to at times.

Well its certainly understandable when you are exhausted with caregiving that the last thing you want to do is try and look pretty or handsome whichever the case may be. But neglecting your health is not something that you should ever do. Look at it this way. You are so tired cause you are wanting to take good care of your parents or whomever. Well if you get sick who is gonna look after them?

The constant tension and worry causes us to shortchange ourselves. Be kind to yourself. Start with small improvements. If depression is bogging you down, give yourself permission to stop "toughing it out" and seek help.

It sounds to me like you are experiencing depression. I've been there. As for other aspects of neglect-I have neglected seeing my own doctor. I haven't been to the dentist for a couple of years. I have neglected taking the normal tests that woman are supposed to have. It's a good thing I eventually took those tests because they found a problem! Just do the best you can and know that you are not alone.

New2this, you definitely have the right idea. And I find getting a new blouse or sweater works wonders for the way I feel. Superficial, I know, but whatever works for us is good.

Now if I could only justify a new car... :-D

Hi Yoga, Yep, I fell into that same trap for a while too. Before where I lived in a city, I'd have never even considered going out in public to pick up an item or two without full shower, at least partial make up, fresh clothes each day. "What would people think?" :-) Once moved, sick Sister, Mom, new house-not nice like our old one, so much work there too. DH still in workforce, (so not much help), and expecting a nice home cooked meal for himself every night.

Got to where I'd wash face and bangs in bath sink fast, blow dry the hair around, put on fresh deodorant, base and eye shadow, fresh shirt, same jeans, then just shower every other day. After 2 years of this when I realized it was turning into 2 days in a row of skipping shower, and the jeans were pretty well to where they could stand up by themselves, I decided enough was enough. I made a pack with myself that I would take a hot shower and shampoo every day, and put on clean shirt, socks, unders, no matter if I felt like it or not. In a year, I've only broken the promise twice, and I do feel much better about my situation. The suggestion to make large meals that can be reheated is a good one, one I've started doing that works out better than spending an hour in the kitchen each night when I'm shot. I started doing large casseroles, double batches of chicken, peeling mashing 10 lbs potatoes all at once. All can be tossed on a baking sheet in oven. I also went on line and bought extra jeans and shirts, at least if I can't get to laundry for a bit I have enough clean clothes to get through. Knowing I have the nicer clean clothes to put on also kind of encourages me to get through the shower.

Can I be honest? Taking care of frail elders can cause a lot of misery. Sometimes when I hear of how rewarding it is, I want to kick the person's butt for saying such an absurdity. It is in no way rewarding for most of it. It is just something that has to be done given the state of elder care at the present time. A huge question is how to keep it from taking over and ruining our lives. I think it is really, really important that we keep ourselves clean and dressed. If others are like me, seeing myself look bad makes me feel worse. And why would I want to feel worse?

My mother is no joy to live with. I really do have to separate myself from her or she would pull me into a pit of despair. She is sick all day every day and it has been that way for years now. I prefer to feel good all day every day, but I can't do it if I'm in that pit of despair.

You know, I don't like waking up in the morning and thinking how things are. I am starting to feel slight nausea a lot now and I know it is just the misery of the house. We have to find ways to pull ourselves out of the misery, either physically or psychologically or it will ruin our lives, IMO.

I got my wake up call when dad first got really sick in 2010. Now five years later both parents need care and it's easy to forget or blow yourself. His situation back then was a cakewalk compared to now. I'm prone to GAD (generalized anxiety disorder) and when I don't pay attention and be diligent to do the things I need to do for all aspects of my health, I find myself in big trouble.

I paid for that dearly with having to be under both breast and thyroid cancer watch during that time. Add on top of that almost daily panic attacks and depression to the point I put my marriage on life support. So far I've managed to dodge those bullets with a lot of help, work and prayer, but it showed me that my needs are not optional unless I'm willing to die, and many caretakers do.

It's not an embarrassing question as you can see many suffer and so relate to you. Perhaps your post is a step in the right direction for you seek the support you need to get you out of the rut and establish a life again.

I have been "making do" for over 9 years.I have all my pants,socks and underwear in my bathroom.The only thing I go to my closet for is a t shirt.Keeping up with Mother's needs and wants are all I can concentrate on.I'm lucky if I get a shower every 3 days,besides it hurts me to take a shower with my bad shoulders.it used to be that I would'nt leave the house without my make up on...now I could care less.We just have to push ourselves I guess.

Yes I smell like the last rose of summer. Some days I have the breath of a desert fox. Lol

Shower daily? Comb hair daily? Change out of my pj's DAILY? Why?

Mom was always scrubbed and wearing fresh clothes... meh, I didn't care about me anymore, just mom. Not a good thing... even after she's been gone 5 months I still find it hard to do those daily tasks. Ugh

Thankfully you have some family in your corner, I am sure it helps, no experience with it, but surely it must?

Sounds like depression and even guilt....feeling your work is never done and you cannot take the time? Please take 15 minutes at least for a nice hot shower, wash your hair, even if you do not want to dry it, comb it air dry, and put on some clean pjs and try for once to put dad or mom to sleep and then mentally disconnect and allow yourself to rest and sleep.....I wish you a good nights rest.

Neglecting myself? Many, many times. There was a time when I gave in to depression & burnout that my linen closets were full of cases of beer all the way up to the ceiling. The height of my drunkenness were the 3 years mom lived with me. After I moved her out I got tired of being drunk. Been clean for quite a while.