We need to get mom and dad to a place like Presbyterian Manor where he and mom can get the necessary assistance for ADL's and such for dad. Mom's health is failing some and not able to do everything required to take care of dad by herself. She is willing to sell the housed make the move but he continues to even consider the possibility. No siblings involved for help...I am in it alone. What next?

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freqflyer is so right. We wait for the opportunity to get them to move and hope that whatever brings is about is not too bad. I've talked to my mother about assisted living, but she refuses. Mainly I know it is because she prefers to sit in her pajamas all day and be comfortable. She likes the comfort of home, even though AL makes a lot more sense. She doesn't like people, which is another reason she won't go into AL.

We can't force them into AL if they are unwilling to go and have not been declared incompetent. So we wait for the crisis that may come. My father was able to remain home until he died, but I don't know how it will go with my mother. The only thing I can decide is what I am willing to do so she can stay in her home.
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jajo, it is very common when there is an older couple that one wants to move to senior living and the other doesn't.

I ran into that situation when my Mom refused to move and my Dad was hinting about wanting to move but he would always side with Mom. Unfortunately since both were still fairly sharp, but were major fall risks, I really couldn't do anything.

What I think happens is that our parents get into denial about their age and what they can still do. My Mom at 98 was still having my Dad at 94 climb up ladders to fix things. No wonder my Dad would call me to see if I would do the fixing, nope, sorry at my age I gave up ladders all together.

Usually we need to wait until there is a crises or two, or three or four, before our parents finally decide it is time to move. For my parents, it was my Mom passing due to a major fall at their home. Oh, if only she wasn't so stubborn. She even refused caregivers or to use a rolling walker.

Two weeks later Dad was ready to pack to move, as he was terrified of the stairs. What helped Dad was when my Mom was in long-term-care I brought in professional caregivers who Dad really liked and trusted, so it made his move much easier as they came along with him and worked with him even while he lived there.
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If Dad has dementia, you petition for guardianship and a court ordered move. Don't be surprised if mom wants a separate room.
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