Need someone to chat with my mom! Any suggestions?

Maybe you can search for a WhatsApp group. I know people who prefer that

898luvmymom, honestly, stay away from those chat groups on-line, too many scammers lurking behind the scenes waiting to pounce. Even the Nextdoor forums can become hostile at times.

Can your Mom budget to move into Independent Living apartment? That way she would have a lot of people to chat in person, and she doesn't need to leave "home".

My Dad was in his 90's, still doing quite well, was also on the computer, but was so lost rambling around his home. We brought in caregivers which were a great help as Dad was able to narrow down the caregivers to those that he had a lot in common.

It wasn't until Dad decided to move from his house and move into senior living that he was more content. His apartment was no different than those that younger people rent. And all these new set of ears to hear his stories :) He made a lot of new friends there. And no more worries about dealing with his house, real estate taxes, lawn mowing, snowing shoveling, power outages, yada, yada, yada. As part of Dad's rent he had weekly housekeeping and linen service, plus meals in the main dining room.

Anyway, something to think about.

I'm in agreement that she would greatly benefit from an independent living situation. You don't want the anxiety and extra work of having to monitor her online adventures...trust me— the scammers and phishers are extremely good at what they do, you won't recognize them until it's too late. I have found it useful to visit newer care community and take my own pictures to show my LO. They are from a generation who has only really negative impressions of "those places". You won't be able to even start a conversation with her unless you can show her how things have changed for the better. Your mom sounds awesome! Aren't you lucky?? Let us know how it goes!

I very much appreciate your responses to my inquiry, Geaton777, freqflyer and Lvnsm1826! Thank you! I've taken my mother to a BEAUTIFUL independent living facility, so that she could see how lovely and well-run it is, and not at all like "one of those places", where we have both seen relatives and others in the past . While she was quite impressed, we both agree that such a living arrangement would only be viable if I were to pass away before her. We both feel strongly that she should remain in her own home, with a full-time caregiver (which we are blessed to be able to afford), who can assist me with her care when that time comes. I'll continue to work on getting her out of the house for some socialization! Thanks again!

The Senior Center near where I am has started a "Buddy" system where they pair up 2 seniors and they get together 1 time a week or they call each other and chat for a while.
Do you have a Senior Center near you maybe you can ask if they have the same type of program if not maybe suggest it.
How about a Church or other house of worship, maybe they have a group that gets together and one of the members would like to give your mom a call once a week. And these chats could be done by computer as well. It is just nice to hear a persons voice and have that contact.
Another thought...is there a teen or college student that would be willing to "interview" mom and write her Legacy? I am sure mom has some interesting things to say and it would be great to get some stories written down. And don't forget family recipes and other things that you will miss when she is gone. This could also easily be done via computer.

Joking here...can she come and stay with me for a while and teach me computer skills and get my finances in order?!

Me, too!

I have a business called Friends For Seniors. That’s exactly what I do, be a companion. See if you can find someone in your area doing the same thing or maybe even a friend of yours. Everybody needs a friend! (Especially seniors)

Sounds like a sharp woman. If she has no health ailments, she is normal, in every sense of the word. My advice is to just let it be. No need to encourage or discourage what she likes. She has found someone who she finds comfortable and easy to communicaterm with.
I am an elder care provider. I have had the privilege of hearing their stories and talk for hours of what they remember. Life is vivid. Hospice care is my calling. I've learned a lot, and my experiance of caring for them and their family has rewards beyond monetary. Please don't doscourage something she finds comfort in. There are few people who can find a friend who is familiar, and understands where they are in life.
It is comforting. Maybe you can ask her about her friend. Get involved. Ask her to share with you. You may be surprised.

Suggest that she join this site. She has a wealth of wisdom that would benefit, at least me, of what it is like and what would help another person who is aging. Possibly she cared for her parents as that seems to be the norm back then.

Has she "googled" Senior Center Without Walls? There are a number of programs that seniors can explore from home.... classes, chat rooms, etc. Local senior centers seems to be populated with the 65-75 age group and I feel out of place there and I'm only just in the beginning of my eighties! I have two friends in their nineties; they no longer have any friends of their age and none of the ninety-year-olds drive I know drive... I'm the best they can do! LOL... but kinda sad. Your mom's a role model; I had a grandmother like her... worked at her desk every day until 99, died at home at 101, still able to smile at me.

Does your mother have any interests or hobbies about which she is passionate? If so, there may be something available for that, either a group she could contact and perhaps make friends that way (either in person or via computer). If by computer, there may be some for which she doesn't have to reveal her age or living situation, hopedly making it less likely that a scammer would try to approach her. (For example, I belong to a few Yahoo groups, and I'm a lot older than most of the others in some of these groups, but "so what?".) In any case, age doesn't have to be the commonality (or at least not the only one).

Does your Mother have any friends left where she used to live? If so, she could talk to them on Facebook Messenger. That would certainly be safe enough.

Also, check out Stitch.com, it has been recommended by a lot of reputable news sites.

FaceTime? Skype. With old friends? Social media is a wonderful thing for some people. And you indicate that she is computer savvy. To me, "very, VERY sharp" says just that. If she doesn't want to go anywhere, accept that.

I found Ensure is good for this

Contact Social Services / County Elder Services. There are several organizations (generally volunteers) who will make 'socialization' calls and/or visits. I set this up for a 86 year old friend of mine. It took him a while to warm up to a MAN (he wanted a woman visitor) although after about 3-5 months, my friend now likes him and appreciates the visits. She may quality for social worker visits or some other professional services to check in on her.
If I were you, I would have your mom's computer set up where she cannot get into the internet. This is potentially very alarming - she can get into all kinds of trouble, perhaps giving out her address or friend-ing a scam. She'll be upset. That is okay. Better that she is safe and not able to invite strangers into her home - or bank account. Scams happen all the time.
Expect her to be upset. This happens when control and independence is 'taken away,' due to need. She will adjust in time.

If it were someone she/you knew about I wouldn't see reason to be concerned...but a total stranger is a different matter. Are any of her friends on facebook or similar? You might also want to touch base with the local office on aging. Ours has something called friendly visitors...and while it's usually an in person visit, they may have someone quite open to being an on-line pen pal sort of person.

I am in the same boat! There are penpal web sites out there and AARP also has a bulletin board where people are looking for penpals. I've been thinking of doing the same for my mom, but every suggestion she turns down. I am her only entertainment and it is wearing me down as I realize we have nothing in common. She is obsessed with politics and I have to detach myself from that a bit in order to retain my sanity. Good luck!

She's 90, let her do what she wants. Not everyone wants to go out all the time. Im 61, if I never had to leave the house again, I would be perfectly happy. Let her make online friends. I just lost my 84 year old mother last week. Id give anything if she would've lived to 90 and have a sharp mind like your mom.
You don't mention any physical disabilities. Perhaps she has arthritis that makes it to painful to go out or some other physical problem? Does she have to use a walker?
Personally, I don't see a problem. Let your mother be herself and when they get her age, she's earned the right to do what makes her happy. There is no harm in it, so let her be.
Best wishes, MoJoHo.

I was going to suggest an email pen pal group. I have had snail mail pen pals all my life but slot of people now want to email. Plenty of groups on Facebook for this.

Gransnet? Do you have gransnet?

It is, as the name suggests, a forum for grannies. And grandpas, of course.

Here is an excerpt from their topic list:

Other subjects (2024)
Pedants' corner (471)
Pets (704)
Product tests and surveys (144)
Relationships (1691)
Religion/spirituality (358)
Science/nature/environment (666)
Site stuff (1063)
Sponsored discussions (70)
Sport (210)
Style & beauty (1196)
TV, radio, film, Arts (2840)
Technology (979)
Travel (747)
Webchats (120)


I am a member myself. Although I joined seeking emergency advice last year and haven't had time to cultivate friendships, I must say their members were very helpful indeed.

Perhaps there is a US equivalent? - or if your mother might be interested in this one I am sure she would be made very welcome. You'll find them at https://www.gransnet.com/forums

I understand you'r reluctance. I'm 94 (male ) and love to have 2,-3 or more email buddies. At this age have about outlived all that could use a computer and emails. I'm a 24 hour caretaker for my wife of 73 years and she sleeps or dozzes off 22 hours of every 24. I see some answers that could ,perhaps, let me join others with programs for us. At any rate be glad to join in emails with others. My email upon request !

Have her join a local church. She can participate as much or little as she wants.

Goodness gracious your mom is 90, as long as she's happy she has the right to live in whichever way she chooses. She may not enjoy going out anymore...she may love the peaceful quiet life at home and may be thoroughly and completely entertained by her computer. At her age she doesn't need to shop, car ride , go to parties, or be with anyone else but herself and her choice of entertainment.

Your only concern should be that she has healthy food, a comfortable home, proper health care, and that her bills are paid. If she wants to chat online I suggest she not use her full name, address, birth date, social security #nor give any private information. She can make up a name and the rest and still join almost any site like Facebook. Tell her that her conversations online must never under any circumstance reveal her identity.

By the way, my mom is also 90 and LOVES just being at home with only me and my sister as visitors. She enjoys knitting, her tv programs, her books, magazines, her mandolin, her piano, and phone conversations. She no longer wants to shop, have a social life, nor have people come in and out of her house. She enjoys being a loner and that's perfectly fine at age 90 if that's what she wants. She has no interest in a computer so I don't have that worry.

Where I am, most of the Nursing Homes have visitors who go in to chat with residents. Their difficulty is finding residents who can still chat! Perhaps if you contact a local facility, they will be able to suggest someone who might come to you instead.

I got my mom an Alexa (echo dot) she loves it.

How about a church pastor who could stop by?

If she is competent on the computer, does she know how to pay for things with credit cards or debit card on the computer? Chatting with someone is one thing, but if she knows how to pay for things on the computer, she could clean out a bank acct rather quickly if someone persuaded her to do so. If you cannot, for absolute certain, prevent money from being part of a chat -- it's probably not a good idea.
That kind of scam would not be reimbursed by a bank. It would just be a too bad, so sad mistake on her part. There is no safe group on the internet. There's always some scammer trying to make a buck

Contact the Counsel on Aging in your area to get a volunteer that has had their background checked to come and visit your mom.

Hire a companion from: www.care.com or Sittercity.com

My 97 and 100 yr-old aunties in FL have a Visiting Angels companion who comes in a few hours every day. She is not there for anything medical, but takes them on walks, does light housework, drives them on errands, plays cards with them, chats...they absolutely love her (she's been with them for 5 years). Well worth the $22 p/hr to the agency.