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This might be a strange request, but my mother, who lives near me, is quite isolated, and only has me or my husband as visitors. She is in her 90s, and is very, VERY sharp! She is on her computer constantly, and can do just about anything from managing her finances on Quicken to posting on her own Facebook page! However, I can't get her to go ANYWHERE, except to the doctor or dentist, and occasionally, to have her nails done. She KNOWS that I will take her anywhere she'd like to go, and I've made numerous suggestions of things she might enjoy, but she always refuses. Nor does she want to have any visitors come to the house. She has no friends in this area. Recently, she has wanted to communicate with someone over the internet (no specific person, just someone to enjoy "talking" to), but I'm VERY hesitant to encourage this! Has anyone had a similar experience, and does anyone know of an extremely safe group with whom she might communicate online?

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The Senior Center near where I am has started a "Buddy" system where they pair up 2 seniors and they get together 1 time a week or they call each other and chat for a while.
Do you have a Senior Center near you maybe you can ask if they have the same type of program if not maybe suggest it.
How about a Church or other house of worship, maybe they have a group that gets together and one of the members would like to give your mom a call once a week. And these chats could be done by computer as well. It is just nice to hear a persons voice and have that contact.
Another thought...is there a teen or college student that would be willing to "interview" mom and write her Legacy? I am sure mom has some interesting things to say and it would be great to get some stories written down. And don't forget family recipes and other things that you will miss when she is gone. This could also easily be done via computer.

Joking here...can she come and stay with me for a while and teach me computer skills and get my finances in order?!
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Reply to Grandma1954
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898luvmymom Feb 29, 2020
Thank you so much for your excellent suggestions, Grandma1954!! I really appreciate them, and I'll CERTAINLY contact one of the nearby senior centers and/or churches to discuss the possibilities!

P.S. If my mother were to come over and help you with your computer skills, you'd be AMAZED at what she can do!! I failed to mention earlier her skill on Excel! I'm always flabbergasted when I see her spreadsheets containing her doctor visits, etc.!! I'm serious!!
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Suggest that she join this site. She has a wealth of wisdom that would benefit, at least me, of what it is like and what would help another person who is aging. Possibly she cared for her parents as that seems to be the norm back then.
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blueberrybelle Mar 1, 2020
Yes! Your Mom should start a discussion on this site about something interesting to your Mom. I promise she'll receive dozens of replies and be engaged in a lengthy conversation!!!
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898luvmymom, honestly, stay away from those chat groups on-line, too many scammers lurking behind the scenes waiting to pounce. Even the Nextdoor forums can become hostile at times.

Can your Mom budget to move into Independent Living apartment? That way she would have a lot of people to chat in person, and she doesn't need to leave "home".

My Dad was in his 90's, still doing quite well, was also on the computer, but was so lost rambling around his home. We brought in caregivers which were a great help as Dad was able to narrow down the caregivers to those that he had a lot in common.

It wasn't until Dad decided to move from his house and move into senior living that he was more content. His apartment was no different than those that younger people rent. And all these new set of ears to hear his stories :) He made a lot of new friends there. And no more worries about dealing with his house, real estate taxes, lawn mowing, snowing shoveling, power outages, yada, yada, yada. As part of Dad's rent he had weekly housekeeping and linen service, plus meals in the main dining room.

Anyway, something to think about.
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Reply to freqflyer
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I'm in agreement that she would greatly benefit from an independent living situation. You don't want the anxiety and extra work of having to monitor her online adventures...trust me— the scammers and phishers are extremely good at what they do, you won't recognize them until it's too late. I have found it useful to visit newer care community and take my own pictures to show my LO. They are from a generation who has only really negative impressions of "those places". You won't be able to even start a conversation with her unless you can show her how things have changed for the better. Your mom sounds awesome! Aren't you lucky?? Let us know how it goes!
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I have a business called Friends For Seniors. That’s exactly what I do, be a companion. See if you can find someone in your area doing the same thing or maybe even a friend of yours. Everybody needs a friend! (Especially seniors)
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blueberrybelle Mar 1, 2020
Scrazt, you didn't say where you are or how to contact you.

I Googled "Friends For Seniors" and came up with lots of choices, including AARP and Meetup:

Never Too Old to Find New Friends
https://www.aarp.org/relationships/friends/info-04-2011/never-too-old-for-friends.html

Meetup: Seniors Making New Friends
https://www.meetup.com/topics/seniors-making-new-friends/

I'm 73 and am really isolated, while taking care of my 100-year-old mother.

Thanks for the lead.
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Sounds like a sharp woman. If she has no health ailments, she is normal, in every sense of the word. My advice is to just let it be. No need to encourage or discourage what she likes. She has found someone who she finds comfortable and easy to communicaterm with.
I am an elder care provider. I have had the privilege of hearing their stories and talk for hours of what they remember. Life is vivid. Hospice care is my calling. I've learned a lot, and my experiance of caring for them and their family has rewards beyond monetary. Please don't doscourage something she finds comfort in. There are few people who can find a friend who is familiar, and understands where they are in life.
It is comforting. Maybe you can ask her about her friend. Get involved. Ask her to share with you. You may be surprised.
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Reply to CindyDgz64
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Has she "googled" Senior Center Without Walls? There are a number of programs that seniors can explore from home.... classes, chat rooms, etc. Local senior centers seems to be populated with the 65-75 age group and I feel out of place there and I'm only just in the beginning of my eighties! I have two friends in their nineties; they no longer have any friends of their age and none of the ninety-year-olds drive I know drive... I'm the best they can do! LOL... but kinda sad. Your mom's a role model; I had a grandmother like her... worked at her desk every day until 99, died at home at 101, still able to smile at me.
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Reply to Larida
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Gransnet? Do you have gransnet?

It is, as the name suggests, a forum for grannies. And grandpas, of course.

Here is an excerpt from their topic list:

Other subjects (2024)
Pedants' corner (471)
Pets (704)
Product tests and surveys (144)
Relationships (1691)
Religion/spirituality (358)
Science/nature/environment (666)
Site stuff (1063)
Sponsored discussions (70)
Sport (210)
Style & beauty (1196)
TV, radio, film, Arts (2840)
Technology (979)
Travel (747)
Webchats (120)


I am a member myself. Although I joined seeking emergency advice last year and haven't had time to cultivate friendships, I must say their members were very helpful indeed.

Perhaps there is a US equivalent? - or if your mother might be interested in this one I am sure she would be made very welcome. You'll find them at https://www.gransnet.com/forums
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898luvmymom Mar 3, 2020
Thank you, Countrymouse! I'll certainly check that out!
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I understand you'r reluctance. I'm 94 (male ) and love to have 2,-3 or more email buddies. At this age have about outlived all that could use a computer and emails. I'm a 24 hour caretaker for my wife of 73 years and she sleeps or dozzes off 22 hours of every 24. I see some answers that could ,perhaps, let me join others with programs for us. At any rate be glad to join in emails with others. My email upon request !
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KaleyBug Mar 1, 2020
Bless you and your wife. My dad is 96 and is on his computer reading articles a lot during the day. He lives across the street from us with his wife of 76 years. My sleeps most the day or watches TV. Mom was a war bride from England. My dad reads emails but never responds to any he gets.
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Where I am, most of the Nursing Homes have visitors who go in to chat with residents. Their difficulty is finding residents who can still chat! Perhaps if you contact a local facility, they will be able to suggest someone who might come to you instead.
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898luvmymom Mar 3, 2020
Great idea, MargaretMcKen. Thanks very much!
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