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...so which way should I position "The Almighty Rod"?


All I can say is that dementia + incontinence = BIG MESS


We have a couple of things going on here. Dad is really taking the incontinence reality VERY hard, and I honestly think he doesn't remember that this part of his life has changed. As a result, I'm currently changing his clothes multiple times a day and doing TONS of laundry.


Dad isn't grasping that 1) the incontinence briefs don't have "the hole" like regular underwear and 2) He really CAN'T use the toilet like he did in the past. So, he will try to whip it out while standing and he COMPLETELY misses (often urinating on his clothes) or he won't put "The Rod" back in its proper place so it ends up hanging out of the bottom of the incontinence briefs. He will then urinate again (without realizing it) and ends up having an accident. Add that to the fact that he has bowel incontinence too and if he has a "muddy" brief... let's just say that things get dirty VERY quickly.


I know it's futile, but I have been trying to encourage him to "just go" in his briefs. That's asking him to break at least an 86-year-old habit if he's been potty trained since the age of two.


This could be bad. The Adult Day Center only "directs" when it comes to the bathroom. They aren't really equipped to handle constant incontinence. If it gets to the point where he can't go to the ADC, I'm completely SCREWED!!!!!


PLEASE... any advice would be greatly appreciated.

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My dad is the same age I think and also has frequent accidents, both ways. He does not have dementia, just trouble making it to the bathroom in time. He’s seen a urologist for years, had all manner of tests and meds, and the result is no change. His primary doc and the urologist both say that this is a natural result of his age and a worn out bladder, and the best solution is adult incontinence briefs. We’ve bought a number of different kinds. He wears them sometimes, doesn’t like the “giving up” of using them but knows it’s necessary, most especially when going out. Doc most recently recommended adding the large bed liner pads so cut down on the frequent sheet washing. There’s no easy solution, sorry. Find the briefs that work best for him, I’m sure the dementia complicates the equation a ton
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Could he see a urologist for testing? Have any medications been tried? Both answers to these questions helped my mother who is the same age. Of course I realize the differences between men and women in this area. I also told my mother to drink when thirsty but not large amounts. I know drinking fluids is important if they are the right type but when incontinence is a problem that makes it worse.
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I haven’t been following your journey too closely but I know the basics. You may have given this information prior - so sorry to be asking - but it would help to know - advice wise...

What time does your father get up in the morning? How long until breakfast and what does he eat and drink? What time does he leave for the Adult Daycare and how long is he there? How many days a week? What does he do on the off days - are you with him?
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anonymous262233 Sep 12, 2018
Hi Rainmom

Dad rises at 5 AM sharp (much to my dismay). He has breakfast around 6:15 AM- breakfast sandwich, fruit and 8 ounces of decaf coffee. We leave for ADC ar 7:45 AM and he is there until about 4:30 PM. He is there four days a week. He has a caregiver from 8-5 every Wednesday (his off day from the ADC).
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