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I've been taking care of my step-grandmother for 2 and a half years now. She has dementia, Alzheimer's, and cancer, as well as arthritis, making her unable to walk by herself or even stand up. For now, me and my family were taking care and distributing chores with her (Feeding, cleaning/bathing, changing diapers, medicaments, etc) but I want to offer my parents the possibility of taking care of her all by myself and getting paid for it instead of leaving her at a residential care facilities, which is what they're planning.
The only problem I have is changing diapers. We need 2 people for that and we change her between 3 and 4 times a day. I'm always the one lifting her up and then someone does the changing and cleaning. Does anyone have experience doing this by himself? You could almost consider her as dead weight (She doesn't support her own weight). Is there a mechanism of something like that to do it? The only help I would need is to drop her pants and take out the diaper, and then put the diaper and pull up her pants. Any ideas? Sorry for my English

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Honestly, your family is probably making the right decision, grandma needs more care than they are capable of giving. And who will be paying you. Government agencies usually don't provide lots of hours and some States won't pay family.

If the whole family has needed to pitch in, than its going to be hard for one person. One person cannot care for someone like ur grandma 24/7.
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It actually sounds as though she's already to the point of being completely unable to stand and pivot for transfers or even for the few seconds needed to dress or toilet. At this point she really needs to be changed lying down - I'm curious how you all get her out of bed and into a chair/wheelchair, and how you manage to bathe/shower and wash her hair etc? I think your family are actually wise to see and admit that they can no longer provide the care she needs and to seek out an appropriate facility. Don't think of this as giving up or abandoning her, rather that she will be able to get care more suited to her needs from experienced professionals.
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The woman needs more care than one person can possibly give her, in my opinion. Residential care facilities employ teams of caregivers to do what you are trying to accomplish alone, not to mention they have the necessary equipment to transfer her safely into a wheelchair and bathe her properly. How do you propose to do that??? There is a lot more involved in the 24/7 care of a bedbound elder than meets the eye.

Perhaps you can get a job as a caregiver in her residential care facility where you'll get to care for her to some degree and get paid, but not be in over your head 24/7. Just a thought.
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cwillie Aug 2022
I like that idea, I've read that there were people who did this during the part of the pandemic when visitors were restricted in order to gain access to a loved one plus help alleviate the strain on staff!
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Your parents are wise to know when enough is enough. And yes your step-grandmother is now enough, as in too much for even 2 people to handle.
What in the world makes you think that you and you alone could handle such a task? You can't. And just FYI, your step-grandmother should be changed more than 3 to 4 times a day. Even in nursing facilities folks are(supposed to anyway)to be changed every 2 hours to prevent them from getting any irritation on their skin and private parts or infections, so you are shy about 8 changes.
While your intention may be good, it's really not realistic. Let your parents have her placed where she will receive the 24/7 care she needs, and you can just go visit when you can.
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Mariano Aug 2022
Thanks for responding.
While I really understand what you're saying, my reality differs a lot.
There were times when I took care of her completely alone and it was fine besides the part of changing diapers. She doesn't depend only on diapers, we change her 3 times a day because we take her to the bathroom to relieve herself, not because we leave her sitting in the "dirt". She is bathed regularly and eats very delicious things that my mom and I cook, it is a blessing to take care of her because of how happy she is, thank God her dementia was not accompanied by violence. I know that everything should have been better but it was impossible. I'm not from the USA, I'm not from Europe, I'm from a third-world country with a terrible quality of life. And not only that, but I live in a very small town where there are only two nursing homes of which one looked like a haunted house from which we received no response, and the other (Our current choice) is only two people taking care of EIGHT. Believe me when I say that I could take much better care myself by dedicating my 24/7 to her. I just asked if someone had a similar experience because is this option or something worse, there's no other choice.
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Oobviously it is not possible for one person to do all that.

Your parents made a decision because they can't do it anymore. Honor and respect that instead of instigating trouble by saying you want to do it all and get paid for it.

You can't because grandma is deadweight which means you risk serious injury trying to do it.

If you really want to do it all to save grandma from the nursing home. Do it for 7 days with NO help from any one else. Then imagine doing this day in and day out for god knows how long.

My advice support your parents decision. It was obviously not decided lightly and you should respect that.
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A Hoyer hydraulic lift theoretically can be done with just one person.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QEyRlXaACOI&t=140s This might be something that hospice might provide and train you for assuming she’s in that stage.

The bigger issue might be that your parents are burned out with all of this beyond the diapers. They may simply wish their home be free of the dementia behaviors, the waste smells and so forth. You’re only one person, and paid or not, only one person can’t do the work of a whole facility.
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I have no experience in dealing with third world conditions. I would guess that you have to make a lot of substitutions for products and services we would assume one has access to.

Here is a video that might help. Roll. Do not lift. You may have to give up on pants or try to source Velcro closures, which can be stiff and uncomfortable.

https://www.angelic.health/educational-videos/diapering-an-adult.html

Can you get medical and disability insurance on yourself to cover injuries “on the job”? If you read enough here, you’ll see back and shoulder injuries are too common.
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Questions about who would pay you or how exactly you expect to manage to toilet, dress and bathe a person that according to your description is essentially dead weight and who cannot help at all isn't us trying to catch you or your family out as bad caregivers, it's information we need to help us make our advice meaningful. Hopefully you will find some of these videos helpful to you.

https://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=cna+skills

You can do as you like, people the world over manage to care for people at home without help. It certainly won't be easy, but nobody here can stop you from trying.
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