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Spouses need a place to vent too. Spouses that are aging taking care of aging ill husbands and wives need to feel welcome on Agingcare.com There is a whole community of us that feel unwelcome on Agingcare.com. We are getting the most stress due to the fact it is so hard on older spouses immune system.
We need to vent and help too. What are we chopped liver? Does not seem correct to me.

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Here is a great article, from agingcare.com about caring for a spouse. You spouses are not chopped liver.
https://www.agingcare.com/News/nobel-prize-winner-dementia-162705.htm?goback=%2Egde_1904533_member_5799207447780417537#%21
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I want to know why we cannot delete our own posts! Sometimes we all enter something here that we want to take back. I'll bet the psych types are all just waiting for us to crack :-P
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Thanks, bellas. To follow a thread, I have found out that I cannot press "Following" on my Kindle. I checked my sis's IPad 2 and the same applies. You can click on the "Following" button on your laptop or desk computer. BUT, you have to make the screen on MAX (not MINIMUM or small like I prefer). Once you have a FULL screen, on the LEFT side of this OUTLINE, are boxes for Share, Like, Tweet, g+1, Comment, Following, Print, Email. Click FOLLOWING.

I found another way to follow when using the Kindle. Comment. Once you comment, sometimes it will pop up on your NEWS FEED (located on the top right box ACCOUNT) If you click NEWS FEED, it will show you the Last comment posted on what you're following.

I just did that, and read Bellas post with my name on the front line. So, I clicked here to see what's up. =)
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book...you saw correctly and cringed appropriately...FloraSteele, I don't post enough to follow me but there is a topic called "How do I handle a sex crazed husband with dementia..." that I believe is still active. Also it might be helpful to go to the top of the page and do as I did to find the site bookluvr came across and just enter the word "sex" and press search. You will have a list appear from which to select, read and follow if they are still active. The sex issue is really a huge problem for the caretaking spouse, so FloraSteele, I do hope you find the link and get connected with others dealing this problem. @bookluvr, you are most kind in trying to help Flora...I love this community! Such a blessing to be able to share the common 'pain' the 'outside' world doesn't understand.
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Flora, there was a thread here in which you married people were commenting. I do believe "sex" popped up - not in detail but..very very general. I was skimming as in speed reading and that caught my eyes. I never realized how much more difficult it is for married couples when one spouse has the dementia. I never thought about...what if your husband who has dementia and absolutely refuses to shower wants to be very very intimate with you in bed? I read that and just cringed. Okay, you all win hands down on that. And I skipped to the next thread. Sorry, I can't remember which thread I read that from. =)

To "Follow" Bellas, just click on her name to get to her profile. When you do, hit the "Follow" button.
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I know it said "parent" but I figured a lot of the problems were the same, so I went ahead and posted, usually starting with "we're both 70". I've heard from some very nice spouses caring for spouses, and the people who give me advice thinking it's for my "Dad" are very nice too.

I haven't got around to posting about marriage/romantic problems,but I probably will sooner or later. I'll try to figure out how to "Follow" you, and mention you to some other spouses who post here.

Good luck!
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@jeanne, i think sharirose was desperate for help, at her wits end, and desperation can blind us to the bold print and the fine print, the back and the blue print, I don't think she was mad at AC or that her chopped liver was directed toward AC, it was directed at her circumstances and herself. I pray she did connect somewhere to get the help she needed and wanted as there are many other talk forums that she might have found fit her need a little more. She was in pain as am I and as are many others.
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The original post goes back to July, and I don't think that sharirose has posted anything since August. But this post makes me smile and shake my head. It is like going to a discussion board that is set up for users of Microsoft's PowerPoint application and complaining because there is no forum for users of Crystal Report. So what are the CR users -- chopped liver? :-)

The title of this site CLEARLY says it is for persons caring for their elderly parents. It is silly to criticize them for not having forums on caring for spouses or converting European recipes to American measurements or anything else not related to the purpose the site was created.

Many of us caring for someone other than our parents do find the site useful. But to be angry that the site does not cater specifically to us is pretty funny.
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@book...my heart goes out to you...verbal abuse is worse than physical but in my first marriage I drew the line at the physical abuse and divorced him. My husband's son seems to have 'divorced' his dad completely maybe that would work for you @:/ Glad you are on the site here since much wisdom has been shared about how to handle these very difficult parents...what makes me sad for you and others is that the parent was most likely the same way to you as a precious little child and now you have to go through it again? I could repeat all the advice I have seen given to others in your circumstance but I know you continue to read the experiences of others and glean from them on how you can apply their wisdom to your specific set of circumstances. Choose wisely and keep following the posts so you don't get lost in the years that are ahead of you. Hugs.
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{{ chuckling }} Bella, and here I was feeling sooo envious of you that your hubby was shining his "light"! Father is also both physicall/verbally abusive.... And he's just starting on the road to dementia...
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I am caring for both my husband and mother both with dementia. I don't feel unwelcome and not chopped liver. I have so many other things going on that I am not offended at all by things said here. Like the Al-anon book says "don't take offense."
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@book...It is a prison and I almost have panic attacks when I see no end in sight, so it was good to know I am not alone in my loneliness. I had to smile at your comment about my husband's light...my sarcasm was in full force (also a sign of anger) when I said my husband shines his light on me daily, I meant that he is and has always been, verbally and emotionally abusive and continues to 'burn my emotional skin' daily. I am trying to learn to 'detach with love' which I first read about here on the site. He has no friends or family that will have anything to do with him and I care for him out of obligation and because he has no one else but I long for the obligation to end so I can enjoy what life I have left.
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Hi bellas. I,too, was sooo glad that when I first found this site that I was not hurt by someone's comments. I was way too vulnerable at the time - suicidal from the thought of caregiving forever, in this prison. I found my lifeline here on AC. Absolute strangers helped pull me from the edge. And I still come here for support - which my 6 siblings are not able to provide for me.

As I read about your comment with the counselor and chopped liver, it does make sense now about this displaying as anger with the situation. I'm so glad that your spouse shines his"light" on you daily. {{HUGS}}
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I was scrolling for links to spouses taking care of their spouse and clicked on this one. Just read all the posts thus far and I too didn't realize this was a site for adult children taking care of their parents. Good to know. I do want to say that when I was in counseling, I made the same comment about a situation and said "So what am I? Chopped Liver!" The counselor stopped me and explained that, that comment showed how angry I was about the situation(s) going on in my life. She was right and it helped me get in touch with an undercurrent of anger I had going on. As to the negative posts...I have been reading posts now for a few years and haven't seen anyone being ugly for which I am most thankful as my 'emotional skin' is so 'sunburned' it doesn't take much to cause pain. I care for my spouse who shines his 'light' on me daily, adding to my 'skin damage', thus hard to heal the burn as many know and understand in this world of caregiving.
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I just feel bad that I never spoke up when people say anything negative - and other posters - regular posters - stopped posting because of this constant negatives. I'm referring to Jeanne. I feel guilty because I saw over and over the negative comments to her. I didn't see any reason for those comments, and I did Not Respond but let it pass. An incident happened to me in November, and instead of slinking off, I stood up and defended myself. Spent a month licking my wounds and tentatively came back. Now, I find myself defending others - new ones - and not the older posters. After Jeanne,I learned that even the regular posters need Positive Feedback to counter the negatives. Sigh... I try not to attack other people because I know how that feels. I hope I didn't come across as attacking ShariRose.
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You are right Book. It DOES say parents. I was assuming it was all caregivers, because I DO see so many caring for spouses, siblings, children etc.I find this to be such a warm and helpful community,( with one or two exceptions ) that I was put off by this "chopped liver" persons attitude as well. One thing I have learned in my long, hard life is.......some people are never happy, no matter what they have . I feel sorry for them.
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I object to your saying that you feel unwelcome here on Agingcare.com. May I First point out the top of the page: Agingcare.com Connecting people caring for elderly parents. Uhm…this site IS for Aging Parents. BUT, AC does NOT go around Discouraging posters on commenting about caregiving their spouses. I’ve jumped around enough to know this for the past year. May I ask Where on this site that AC has made you spouses feel unwelcome and like “chopped liver?” If you can find the place where they have done this, please copy and paste the link here. I would Gladly make a formal complaint on your behalf.

Why do you feel you’re unwelcome? Because there’s not enough topics about caregiving your spouse? Have you even checked the search engine on the top right and searched the words “Caregiving spouse”? There are 2286 answers to this topic. If you scroll to the bottom you have the option of searching specifically: Caring Spouse, Spouse Alzheimer’s, Surviving Spouse, Husband Caregiving, Spouse Association, Spouse Partner.

Like BoniChak recommended – make your own thread for caregivers. However, there was one started around January of this year. Unfortunately, those caregiving spouse did not support that thread and it ended in February.

Here is a link where they Tried to do a thread for you spouses. Maybe you can help continue it to grow by posting there. And perhaps you can also inform the other spouses on this site of this link.
https://www.agingcare.com/discussions/caregiving-for-husband-spouse-155578.htm
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A caregiver is a caregiver....it doesn't matter WHO you are caring for.
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Make one. This is about aging people, not just parents. If you want to talk about particular problems with spouse care...start a thread.
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