Hi,
I will try to get to the point, I live in New England, my 82 y.o father lives in Florida (formerly from here) hes been there about 6 yrs. He has COPD as well as newly diagnosed lung cancer, (foregoing treatment)
a couple of years ago he fell and broke his femur, and did the hosp/ rehab stint, but went back to living alone (against my wishes) I went there for a few weeks
Last year he was hospitalized again for COPD exacerbation, and while he was hospitalized we packed his belongings up and relinquished his motel room (yes you read that right) this is when he was diagnosed with cancer, he was hospitalized/ rehabbed for a long time I was there 1 month, before discharge we were trying to decide where he was going, my brother is there but is ill-equipped to help with lodging, amongst other things.. I am POA/ HC surrogate. we discussed him coming to NE and living with us but I said he should stay in Florida until winter subsides as to not be a shock to his system, and that in Spring we would revisit the idea so we found an assisted living facility and my dad had been there for 4 months before he went into the hospital again, now he is currently in rehab and discharge is scheduled within 2 weeks, the plan is for hm to go back to assisted living, but.... because of his health and non treating of cancer he will likely be having hospice at some point, the assisted living facility has already talked about it ... I still haven't gone back there YET (it gets costly staying in a hotel ) because im trying to wait until its closer to discharge.
PHEW.. thanks for hanging in if you've read this far, so I will try get to the quandry.. please help me with this i'm lost in my mind
I am really not liking the idea of him having hospice at assisted living, I can assume this means he will likely die there, as his health is declining so is his cognitive ability, his physical ability is limited but hes still able to ambulate moderately with a walker , we will be getting a wheelchair to ease his burden. I have talked with medical staff about bringing him home to NE and they seem to think I would need "permission" from Dr's for him to travel, I don't feel they support this idea, especially the assisted living facility, they have taken it upon themselves to initiate hospice services when he returns, I am feeling very protective and am wanting to "do something" whether it be to bring him home or relocate myself and rent a house and move him in and take care of him (with hospice help)until the time comes. I would be leaving my family here but they are old enough, youngest is a high school senior.
Please help me to get some insight as to this situation, I can't bear the idea of my Dad dying in assisted living.... but realistically will that actually happen ?? the likelihood of him going into the hospital again is relatively high., and my skewed vision about the assisted living facility is hindering my thoughts because they are very money hungry....
help me please ,
Moni
my mom died under hospice care in assisted living. She got good care from the staff and hospice folks. I could not have replicated that level of care at home.
As the body and mind shut down people are usually not very aware of their surroundings, if at all. We all say we want to die at home. Personally , I don’t want my living room turned into a hospital and make my wife go through that.
I am very aware of how AL facility swoon then its different, I have seen it with this one, I too am a bit concerned, he has been found going to the dining hall without his oxygen on, and nothing has been done, and it really infuriates me that if he can't make it to the dining hall to eat he has to wait over an hour after they serve the diners before they can bring him a meal, this is what leads me to feel the need to "be with him", not easy that's for sure,
Thank you for your reply
If dad is on Hospice ( the best service EVER) he will need 24/7 care by someone and most ALs are not set up to do that.
Just my opinion, if dad was living in a motel, I wouldn't be fussing about him passing away in a well staffed medical facility. (((((Hugs)))))))))
Have you talked to a certified eldercare attorney about Medicaid?
I like the idea of talking to an attorney about medicaid
(If there is any staff member who you trust to give a straight answer I would ask for their honest opinion about whether this is a good option)
So what type of facility would best meet his needs ?? I really don't like the idea of him going back to the ALF... hes been gone from there for 1.5 months and they are still charging me for his "personal" care I don't know how they can...with him physically not being there.
thank you for your help
(just to add- the social worker at the NH should be a valuable resource for you)
Non-emergency medical transport isn't covered by Medicare, so you or your dad would be responsible for all costs. Not sure if private insurance would cover it, either. But I just thought I'd toss it out there as another available option.
Have you asked your dad what his wishes are? If he wants to stay at the AL, his hospice medications can be scheduled so they could be given. If he cannot afford the NH then it is not an option. You speak with the business office there, they would be able to tell you when and if he can become eligible for Medicaid.
You said something about the likelihood of him returning to the hospital, but if he enters into hospice care, this will not be an option. He will be kept comfortable until the end comes. I would ask if the hospice being considered does "crisis care", meaning that when death is imminent, a nurse will come and be with him continuously to administer any needed meds to keep him comfortable and to communicate with you if you cannot get there in time.
Good luck, and I'm sorry you and your family are going through this terrible dilemma. While I'm sure it would be hard for anyone, being so far away is an additional torture in this already difficult time. Hugs!!