My husband and I have helped place my FIL (who has advanced dementia) into an assisted living facility that he helped select. He's thriving like he wasn't when in his home. My brother-in-law has not been present until now that FIL has an estate to resolve and he's taken FIL out to sign documents that FIL doesn't remember and now is claiming to be financial POA, that he's in charge of selling the house, has taken FIL to alter bank account so my husband (and FIL, too) has no access to his account so we cannot pay his bills and must use our money to maintain the home. BIL is not paying the bills, massive financial waste, and we are at the point where we need a guardian for FIL's estate. BIL got documents the dirty way and I don't believe they'd hold up in court but his verbal bullying that "I'm in charge" is creating a block for us to sell dad's house and use it to pay his care and pre-pay his funeral, etc. BIL even claims that he's meeting with FIL's lawyer but FIL says he doesn't have one and there's no evidence of one in his financial records (when we had access to them). We've consulted 2 elder lawyers who both say FIL shouldn't be signing documents because of his dementia even though medically he's still declared competent. They both say he needs a guardian since we don't have a POA and won't get one the dirty way, like BIL claims. A lawyer will cost $10,000 and we know that, if we win, it will be returned out of the estate but we can't afford that. We've filed with APS because of all the financial abuse we have documented but we're worried that, since FIL is safe and not out of money yet (we're trying to be proactive and deal with this before he faces eviction) that APS won't do anything. How can we get him a guardian? Do we need to file on our own with the courts? Would we have to represent ourselves? We feel like our hands are tied when it comes to helping FIL sell his house, pay off his debts, and have money to pay his care (before Medicaid kicks in). Any help would be appreciated. He's in the 5 year look back period and with his dementia there's no saving money for an inheritance which we're not worried about anyway because it's FIL's money, he earned it but BIL had mentioned trying to put the house into a trust, etc to get himself a slice.
NG8522, I agree with you..
this stress may actually cause FIL more health issues..
for some reason, I assumed that the bills for assisted-living were being paid through the bank account automatically that that was not changed.
IT's a shame that people don't protect themselves by doing a living trust while they are of right mind and body..POA's POLST, DNR's, end of life wishes, and celebration of life, casket or ashes,..or whether they care how or where services are..
People, when you do make a will and/or living trust, you may want to send a copy to people in the trust so there are no secrets or misconceptions of what is in the will.
This issue caringforFIL is experiencing may have been avoided..
I hope your father-in-law will be OK after all of this.
It's a shame that even family members scam their elders. That's really messed up..
Second, how did your husband previously have access to your FIL's bank accounts? Was everything in your FIL's name only and he gave your husband access to his mail and passwords, or was your husband listed on things in addition to his father? Is there a bank branch that your FIL goes to or used to go to in person, where they would know or him? Your husband should take his father there and ask the branch manager how the changes happened. After all, if your FIL was competent to switch the accounts to your BIL, he is competent to switch them back. If he isn't competent now, then he wasn't competent originally. The bank would require their own documents to be signed in addition to any POA, so your FIL can have the bank produce the documents and give him copies, and you can see when they were signed and by who.
Is it possible that your BIL doesn't even have any documents, but just got access to the passwords and changed them?
Also check the title to FIL's home to make sure BIL hasn't transferred it. Many localities have the owners listed online. If so, check daily.
Those initial steps can help you determine how BIL has gained access to the accounts and help you determine how to proceed from there.
The police can decide on that themselves.
I can’t see where the quote “medically he's still declared competent" comes from, but physical competence is not the same as mental competence in someone with advanced dementia.
Does this mean he has had actual testing and there's an actual diagnosis in his medical records? This is a critical piece of information for any lawyer.
But neither you (nor your spouse) were ever his PoA. An elder law attorney can send a letter to BIL demanding to present the PoA paperwork and it can escalate from there. Once your BIL sees that you're serious about fighting for...guardianship (?) he may give up if he doesn't have the funds to put up a fight -- especially if he really isn't the PoA. Most likely he downloaded PoA forms and was somehow able to get them notarized but if the date of this signing is after your FIL's medical diagnosis, he'll have a lot of 'splaining to do.
Then there's guardianship... if a judge tires of the family power struggle s/he may just assign a 3rd party legal guardian. But if you fight an win, you/your spouse will be responsble for FIL's financial support.
You will need to count the cost of this fight carefully. Consult with an elder law attorney, who will weigh whether your case has any chance of winning and what a winning outcome will mean going forward.
Keep a separate log on all appointments & visitations about dad
CONSULT LEGAL COUNCIL
YOUR LAWYER
Since your dad is thriving in his new living facility, have a discussion with the director of AL.
Your BIL is saying things. Take it that he has changed things and he had gone forward with bring POA full responsibility. This is what he is saying.
Go to the bank with a letter from your lawyer, whichever lawyer you get. The lawyer will know how to put a lien against the house. Ask the lawyer to work with you and put a lien on the house. Lawyer is representing DAD, as dad doesn't recall signing anything.. SON # 1 is very concerned that DAD may be evicted due to SON # 2 's actions.
conversation with Director of AL should be aware of DAD's new financial POA
SON #2. If rent falls behind, for however many months , put a Lien on the house.. facility may not even want to get involved, as they need to pay their employees too.. so this may put up a red flag.. 😕
BROTHER wants to play this game, so can your spouse.
Let all house utilities and bills be sent to collections and they can file liens on the house.
All of this because BROTHER IS THREATENING. Your not sure if this has happened yet.. dad didn't know..
JUST SEEK COUNSEL.
It's a shame that DAD did not have a Living Trust to assign a Directive over Trust, along with assigned POA's for health and finance.
DAD is Your FIL..
YOUR SPOUSE, Child of FIL, needs to investigate this, find the Living Trust.
Spouse should be the one doing the heavy lifting of this situation..
Your Spouse needs to confront Brother.
Should your spouse deems to really not care about the finances as you insinuated, then maybe hand over all Bills to BIL and tell BROTHER, he is now in charge of dad, supplies, appointments, house upkeep, and AL Rent...EVERYTHING DAD.
Should dad get evicted due to BROTHER not paying AL facility,
or his health declined because he's not taking adequate care of DAD, spouse will need to file elder abuse directly caused by BROTHER's actions..
DO SEEK LEGAL COUNSEL For elder abuse.
Forcing someone to sign anything under duress is not right, especially if he is clinically diagnosed with dementia..
Does the assisted Living facility make you check in and check out dad when you take DAD out of the facility for, appointments, dinner, etc?
My aunt's place certainly did.. AL doesn't want to be responsible if Aunt comes back with any injury etc..
Check if there is a sign in/out sheet and tell the director you need a copy to verify what BIL says is true. He should also have to say why and where he is going.,
https://www.agingcare.com/local/elder-law-attorneys
Best of luck and shame on your BIL 😑